Sunday, June 30, 2013

Farewell To June, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         Darlings, it seems like yesterday, June was "bustin' out all over," and now here it is , on the way out.  And taking the first half of 2013 with it!  Can you believe we have reached this point already??????  Hope the second half of the year is as much fun and event filled!

                            So much happened in June!  I saw "RAGS" and got attacked by one of its actors!!!!!!!  I was accused of shoplifting!!!!!!!!!!  DOMA triumphed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Paula Deen's empire crumbled, like one of her under cooked cakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I ate Hummingbird Cake, in honor of Paula!!!!!!! I did my third reading of "Anna Karenina!!!!!!"  Paula Zahn is back on the air!!!!!!!!!  And, today, to cap off Gay Pride, we are seeing Bette Midler in "I'll Eat You Last!"

                            Yes, dears, it was an eventful June!  But, now, all sorts of things heat up in Summer, and not just the weather!  Hope to see all my darlings back here in July, and it is not too early to start planning for the 4th!  Just like Little Edie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              So Long, June, 2013!  It has been a great month, one and all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I Am Telling You, This Is One Holiday Event I Have Got To Be Invited To!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Now, darlings, as I am sure you would expect of me, especially being the Raving Queen, it is not like I have never dined at La Grenouille.  Not only have I done so, but twice, each time on one of my birthdays, and it remains the favorite of all my birthday restaurants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  But now the ante has been raised.  Because I have just found out that Anna Wintour--ANNA!!!!!!!--hosts a Christmas Luncheon there for folks at VOGUE, which she, of course, she  pays for!  Honeys, we don't do this at MY workplace!  And you better believe Grace is there!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Well, I want to go to this luncheon this year!  I may not work at VOGUE, for ANNA or Grace, but you better believe this blog gives them lots of good publicity, for which they should be appreciative, considering how much adverse publicity they (especially ANNA) sometimes get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Christmas Lunch with ANNA and Grace, at La Grenouille!  It is like a dream come true!  Think of the haute couture that will be seen there!  Al most as scrumptious as the meals!  My God, what am I going to wear?????????  And my hair??????????  I have got to start planning now!!!!!!!!!

                                    And, girls, you know you will get an exclusive report from me of all the proceedings!
Including kisses from ANNA and Grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     La Grenouille.........ANNA WINTOUR.........Grace Coddington..Mmmmmmmmmm......................!

                                       But, Holiday or not, I am not going to kiss that silly Andre Leon Talley!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I Have Simply GOT To Have These!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            Aren't they adorable, girls??????????  I did not know last night that Anna Wintour and Grace Coddington dolls existed!!!!!!!!!  But now that I do, I want to own one of each!  They will make perfect shrine displays in our apartment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               I love how the doll maker gets Grace's hair right!  And  Anna looks so.........ANNA!!!!!!!

                                 Girls, I am telling you, if you owned these, you would be the talk of your neighborhood.  Imagine having your own pretend VOGUE meetings, to discuss upcoming issues.  You could stage arguments or negotiations between Anna and Grace.  Hey, you could even allow Grace to win, sometimes, which I am sure does not ever happen in real life!  Only, don't tell Anna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  What a high toned, educational gift, for all us boys and girls!!!!!!  Allowing those more challenged to learn about fashion, and journalism!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     I want you all  to order an Anna and Grace doll today!  Another way to mark Gay Pride!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Then our dolls can have phone conferences!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Gay Pride, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Can you believe it, darlings??????????  After today, we are halfway through 2013!!!!!!!!!!  Where did the time go??????????

                               First, a Happy Birthday, to my friend, Audrey,, whose birthday it actually is today. She is the mother of the super-charged Ruby, and while I missed the official party yesterday, I know Miss Ruby has something special planned today!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                And Happy Gay Pride Sunday, to all my girls!!!!!!!!!!!  Did you kick off the festivities last night, with Channel 13's airing of 'Baby Jane???????'  I missed it, because a group of us were in the Village last night, dining at the Cowgirls Hall Of Fame, and let me tell you, the joint was jumping!  Plenty of real cuties out and about.  We actually left our friend, Mike to the wolves (at his request!!!!!!!!).  Hope he woke up OK, and that all his dreams came true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  But another Pride, coming right after DOMA!!!!!!!!!!  We Shall Overcome, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And, to an extent, we have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Right On, Angela Davis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Bet that big old closet queen, Al Sharpton, puts on the cast album of  "Purlie!," and acts out Melba Moore singing "I Got Love!" Sweeter than a flower, honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  However you celebrate today--even if you are NOT gay--this is one day where fashion faux pas are a No No!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Dress loud and proud, darlings!!!!!!!!!  I prefer Schiaparelli on special occasions!!!!!!!!

                                     And don't let it rain  on YOUR parade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Darlings, Tonight Channel 13 Is Showing The Gayest Movie It Could Possibly Show!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Ready, girls?  On the count of three--

                                     "I won't forget. You BET I won't forget."

                                       An entire generation of Gay men--and I am one, and proud!!!!!!--has been raised on "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?"  And why not?  Those who were picked on in our youth by conformist losers like Diane and Roberta took child Blanche's signature line as a  mantra, while nurturing the kind of fame where we are the ones getting all the attention and adoration--even if we have to FORCE it out of people, like Bette Davis does here!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          So, I think it highly fitting that on Gay Pride Eve, this classic gets aired.  For those who remember to re-experience, and those experiencing from the first time to learn!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can't  think of a better way to spend a Saturday eve than in air conditioned comfort watching "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?"

                                            "Yer just a neurotic, Blanche!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wait Till You Hear This, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Girls, have you seen this week's "Back Stage?"  On the cover is the title--"Death Of The Chorus," signifying changes on the Broadway stage for performers.  It seems that being a triple threat talent--which the one, the only, original "A Chorus Line" helped define--is now passe.  In addition to all that, you have to be athletic, because, more and more gymnastics are being worked into Broadway choreography.

                                This is Hell, especially for future young performers. Back in the day, when we were young, and being athletic seemed to matter a lot, it was comforting for some to know there was a place--the theater, the Musical Theater--where not being such was OK.  It forms part of Bobby's monologue in "A Chorus Line," and it is a subtext to "At The Ballet."  But, NOW, oh my God, is it going to be "Everything was the gym???????"  Just does not have the same resonance!

                                  So, now, dance skills are not enough!  You have to be an athlete!!!!!!!!!!  Wonder what Michael Bennett, Jerome Robbins and Bob Fosse would say about that??????  Hell, I wonder what the "Chorus Line" originals would say about it?????????????????

                                   The Theater has always been called "The Fabulous Invalid!"  But this is what might put it in traction!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Nowadays, when those in the performing arts say "Break a leg!", it becomes more probable than ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       So, help me, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       And "Screw you!" Diane Paulus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I Absolutely Will Not Stand For This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Girls, when I saw the end of "Behind The Candelabra," that fateful Memorial Day Weekend, I thought it was the most campy aerial stunt since the musical number, "The Man In The Moon," from "Mame."  Only not nearly as good.

                                      In some sort of ersatz fantasy sequence, Matt Damon sits alone in a darkened theater, with Liberace onstage, amid glittering stars, as he and the piano seem (as I recall) to float up to Heaven--where he had better look out, because his Mama is waiting for him, and you just know she is going to give him an Eternity of what-for, concerning his behavior on Earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       It was a cheesy end, to a cheesy movie, that would be better off being forgotten.

                                        No such luck, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Jerry Weintraub, who produced this film wants to mine more money out of this crap by--are you ready????--bringing it to Broadway live as a musical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I hear Hugh Jackman is being talked up for the lead!!!!!!!!!!!!  Could Neil Patrick Harris be far behind, as Scott Thorson?????????????

                                         Imagine seeing that cheesy ending done onstage!!!!!!!!  If a helicopter and chandelier can be managed, airlifting a camp actor and a piano should be no problem at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Instead, there are several problems.  First, since the film was such a piece of crap, who would go to see it live, at what Broadway charges today?????????  Second, the idea of Liberace singing defies credibility.  In "Funny Girl," yes, because Fanny Brice herself could sing, but Liberace's skill were his fingers skirting across that keyboard.  Hugh Jackman, I have no doubt, could camp it up, but to have someone singing in that "Liberace voice,"--it is almost as grating as having to listen to Harvey Fierstein!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          And I can tell you ONE thing--fresh from her TONY triumph (where she is still wowing them!!!!!!!) in "Pippin," Andrea Martin is a shoo-in for the role of Liberace's mother!!!!!!!!  Bet her numbers will be real showstoppers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Pray, girls, that this project never sees the light of day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              Even Diane Paulus has sense enough to stay away from it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still So Much Fun, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 If there is one film that has been written about more on this blog, it is "Rosemary's Baby."  It is amazing how much this beloved film keeps turning up in revivals, and yesterday, on a PERFECT day off, I traipsed down to the Film Forum, to see the first screening of their week long  run of this brilliant film.

                                  What's there to say, that has not been said??????? Well, who knew witches drank so much coffee and tea???????  I still have my eye on that hourglass coffee pot that Mia Farrow uses, as well as that bright orange painting of the burning church, seen in the Castevets' apartment, at the film's climax!  Get me both at once, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Things got a little dramatic, even before the screening began.  The audience was a mixture of seasoned viewers, like me, some who were seeing the film for the first time, and others who looked old enough to be members of the coven, themselves!!!!!!!!!  Indeed, who knows???????????

                                        But fifteen minutes before the screening, in walks this elderly lady, flanked by a theater employee, who is obviously trying to calm her down, screaming at the top of her lungs all the standard negative things about Roman Polanski!!!!!!!!!!!!  I thought she had wandered into the auditorium by mistake, or was doing this as some kind of protest statement.  Would you believe she took a seat in the front row, and sat, rapt, through the entire picture????????????

                                           I mean, what gives????????  If you are that down on Polanski, then do not see his films!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have no idea why she was there!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             I am sure the evening shows will sell out on the weekends, so get your tickets early, or online.  And for those evening viewers, guess what?????????  Da Silvano is just right up the street from the Film Forum!!!!!!!!!  You can have an elegant meal, and maybe catch a sighting of Grace or ANNA!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              Who, by the way, darlings, are NOT witches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, A Decision Has Been Made!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  No, girls, I am not talking about DOMA, though I am not about to underestimate the importance of that, especially as plans are already being outlined for THE WEDDING!!!!!!!!  No, I am talking about something more immediate, at home--the message on our telephone land line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   This was a hard one to make. In the past, it had been so easy.  A perfect contender presented itself., and that was it!   In this case, there were five great contenders, (I threw in a sixth--another excerpt from "The Song Of Bernadette," but it was vetoed!!!!!!!) so let me say that the one selected turns out to be from "Mildred Pierce," which has never been represented before.  So, when you dial our number, and no one is home, you will first hear me doing this classic speech by Veda--

                                       "It's the dress. It's awful cheap material.  I can tell by the
                                        smell.  Well, it seems to me if you're going to buy anything,
                                        it should be the best!  This is definitely not the best!  Oh,
                                        it's impossible!  Look at this!  Ruffles!  How could she have
                                        bought me such a thing?  I wouldn't be seen dead, in this rag!

                                         Then Monsieur chimes in--"Please leave a message!"

                                Personally, myself, I was leaning toward the one from "Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte, where Miriam says--"Yes, I told! Why shouldn't I have told that his darling daughter was having a dirty little affair, with a married man!  To which Charlotte responds--"You've a vile, sorry little bitch!"

                                  But too many surveyed were uncomfortable about the use of the word "bitch" in the message.  Not even the 'Baby Jane' excerpt had that!

                                    I was also partial to the Mr. Pinky, Hefty Hideaway Speech, from "Hairspray!"  But, with so many of  our friends, being...well.......full figured, I am not sure how they would react to first hearing, "Fatty fatty two by four! Can't get through the dressing room door?"

                                      So, we have no clear winners, this time!  But thanks to all who pitched in. And, remember, these messages change almost seasonally, so you may get another chance soon!  Though so far nothing has topped the durability and incredulity from folks over my Gladys Cooper "Song Of Bernadette" speech.  I think that kept away more phone solicitors than any other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       Just like in "The Telephone Hour," from "Bye Bye Birdie!"

                                       "What's the story, morning glory? What's the word, hummingbird?"

Friday, June 28, 2013

"Hummingbird , Don't Fly Away, Fly Away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                            Darlings, whether it was subconsciously to honor Paula Deen or not, I cannot tell you, but last night, due to the heat, Monsieur and I had a Simply Southern Supper.  We started with Chicken, Macaroni Salad, and Cole Slaw, and topped it off with Hummingbird Cake, which is a Southern delicacy, that is an acquired taste!

                             It is a mild spice cake, made with bananas, pineapples, and cream cheese frosting!  I bet Paula has baked a few in her time!

                              Honestly, by dinner's end, I felt like the Belle Of The Ball!

                              We got OUR Hummingbird Cake at the Little Cupcake Bakeshop, on 91st Street and Third Avenue, in our nabe.  If you are near there, and want Southern, darlings, go there!  They have Red Velvet, Ice Box, and Coconut Cloud Cake!!!!  I cannot wait to try the last!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               So, when the heat gets HOT, and you feel your most Southern, remember those delicious recipes, which you don't have to bake, but are sometimes a stone's throw (or slightly more, away from your door!)

                              I just finished the Hummingbird slice, and I am on SUCH a Southern sugar high, right now!  Love to all my girls!!!!!!!!!!!

                               The South will rise again, darlings!!!!!!!!!!  Especially in the kitchen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Is This The Dawning Of The Age Of Aquairius, Darlings???????? Well, Maybe!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Who would have thought I would have lived to see this day, darlings?????????  I want to say both "Hallelujah!" to all my supporters, and "Screw You!" to all the detractors!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     But, now that same sex marriage is a concrete reality, the heat is on, girls, among queens all over the country, to not only get married, but outdo one another, when it comes to having the most FABULOUS wedding there is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       I already have a designer for my gown--Ramona Ponce!

                                        I know I want a Summer wedding--which means next year, loves, because, after all, as the "Funny Girl" lyrics says--"The Summer Bride is glorified by Merlin's magic touch.
                                                      The lucky man who marries, in June, July and such!"

                                          Everyone has to be there--not only those I know and love, but MERYL, ANNA, GRACE, AMY, SHELLEY PLIMPTON, MARTHA PLIMPTON, DONNA MCKECHNIE,
and, of course, JESSIE MUELLER, to sing at it!

                                        The wedding cake MUST be designed by Sylvia Weinstock!  With lots of peach or pink color!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        But--What about a venue?
                                                 Where to go for a honeymoon? (Though I have some ideas!)
                                                  How do I go about finding a pair of cute, young, gay male
                                                       wedding planners??????
                                                   How can I get it to be the cover of VOGUE?????????????????

                                         And I am sure there are things I have overlooked?  Gay marriage does not just mean freedom, girls, it means responsibility!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Something some of my girls out there prefer to ignore!  Well, honeys, let me tell you--before you can go to your own party, you have to PLAN it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Maybe I will be inspired after tomorrow's screening of "Rosemary's Baby"
at the Film Forum!  Now, THOSE were some gatherings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Marriage Equality, loves!  Right On!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Room With A View, Girls????????? Well, Yes.........But Not To This Bitch's Extremes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Even by the standards of this column, darlings, Walter Dendy, pictured left, is some piece of work!!!!!!!!!!

                                   The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award, masterminded a scheme, where he hired Neil Bross and Emilio Charafradin, a schizophrenic handy man, to drive to a Lauderdale area motel, near Dendy's home, owned by 63- year-old Leonard "Rudi" Houda.  Charafaradin was to go armed with a cooler filled with liquid sulfuric acid, and, when Rudi turned to him, hurl the contents, directly in his face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This took place on July 9, 2,000!!!!!!!!

                                     Which Charafardin did.  Rudi Houda died an undeserving and painful death.  And while Charafardin and Boss (who drove the getaway vehicle!!!!) were convicted, the real snake in all this is Walter Dendy, a 70-year-old condo president, who lived nearby.

                                             And why did he do this?  Because he wanted a view, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              For years, Walter had a clear, unobstructed view and walkway from his house to the beach, across the street.  It was nice, but he is not God!  Hell, he's not even BARBRA!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               Houda decided to improve his property, and upgrade business, but putting a gate between the beach and the pathway, and building trees and fences to give his tenants more privacy. As was his right!

                                                But all this messed up what Denby thought was HIS, even though it really wasn't.  It was just pure luck he had it all these years.  He should have enjoyed while he could, and be grateful.

                                                  Unfortunately, Mr. Entitlement thought this property was HIS and no one else's!!!!!!!!!  But destroying a man with acid????????????  That is truly despicable!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      When I think of the pain and suffering Houda suffered prior to death, it makes Dendy's Life conviction pale by comparison.  He may never see the light of day again, but he is unscathed and walking about.

                                                         So, here is to Mr. Walter Denby, who has to be one of the most diabolical Bitches Of The Week I have ever written about.  But they say Karma's a bitch, too, so who knows what is is store for him???????????????

                                                            Bet the REAL Devil has something hotter and long lasting than acid planned for Dendy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                              And you deserve it, Walter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

What A Succulent Tale Of Southern Sickness, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               The Southern Gothic Novel movement continues, with Tom Wright's marvelous and compelling debut novel, "What Dies In Summer."  Like Wiley Cash's "A Land More Kind Than Home," there is hardly a plot element present that has not been worked elsewhere in the Southern Canon, but  as it did with Cash, so, too, does it work with Wright.

                                                 "What Dies In Summer" is set in suburban Dallas, Texas, but the way its narrator--a teenage boy nicknamed Biscuit--narrates so colloquially, the reader feels deep in the heart of Capote or McCullers country, and might as well be.

                                                      At the heart of the story is the revelation of hitherto untold family secrets, and how they dovetail into a murder mystery of monstrous proportions.  I will certainly not reveal anything to my girls, because I am the last one who would want to spoil the fun, but suffice it to say that while things do get righted and resolved, I was left wondering about whom  the real perpetrators just might be.

                                                       Girls, if you think "Southern Fried Homicide" (which you know I just LOVE!!!!!) is the end all, this goes it one better, with style and literacy!

                                                          Everyone in the novel is some kind of Southern White Trash. Even lovable Gram, with whom Biscuit, and his cousin L.A. (for Lee Ann) live with.  The way I understand it, Biscuit's grandfather, who he might have liked, was a no-good alcoholic, who sexually abused his two daughters, Leah and Rachel, and one day, in a fit of either conscience or despair, depending upon how one views things, gets all liquored up, goes into the car with his gun, and shoots himself to death. Good riddance!!!!!!  But, unfortunately, his daughters, Leah and Rachel grow up to be two of the most despicable trash bitches this side of Goneril and Regan!   Leah, mother of Biscuit, is widowed, and, not being fit for anything, so she can do nothing but live with a man, takes up with a worthless abuser, named Jack.  Who gets his comeuppance, of sorts.  Rachel is worse; she gives birth to Lee Ann, but her husband, Cam, turns out to be so abusive, and when Rachel can't stand it any more--get this--she turns her own daughter, over to this guy, so that she doesn't have to take it any more!  What a fucking bitch!!!!!!!!!!!  Send this one to the slammer. As far as I am concerned, no matter what else happens in this novel--and plenty does--I hold Leah and especially Rachel to be the real perps. They deserve as much of the blame as the killer.

                                                            For there turns out to be a killer on the lose in their midst. Starting with Biscuit and Lee Ann finding the naked, mutilated body of Tricia Venables in a field near a body of water, other victims are found, and the town is in a tizzy.  It is also ripe with so many suspects, because just about every male in this story, save Biscuit, and his girlfriend, Diana's father, who is Chief Detective of the town, turns out to be some sort of garden variety sex deviate.  But what happens to the girls goes more than mere deviancy.

                                                                What I would have liked, especially given Wright's background as a psychotherapist, is insight into why the killer is driven to do what he does. Yes, Evil is out there, but there is always a reason for it, and I wish Wright had let the reader known why.

                                                                      Girls, I am telling you, I could not tear my eyes from this one, till the very last page!!!!!!!!!!!  To think I read it in Summer, too.  But this will go down as a great read, no matter what the Season.

                                                                          And it would go doubly well with some Sweet Ice Tea and Hummingbird Cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good For The Gorilla, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             It isn't bad enough there is bullying on the schoolyard among children, and among adults in the workplace, (and no, dolls, I am NOT talking about the theater; that jungle operates by a different set of rules altogether!!!!!!!!!!!!)  but now it extends to innocent animals.  I have no idea of the name of the gorilla at  the Dallas Zoo, where this all took place, but on the basis of the creature's meritorious actions, I am going to call him Hero.

                                               Poor Hero was not bothering anybody. He was just going about his business, in his man created environment, being gawked at by spectators, which is nothing to him.  Except that a group of obnoxious school children, I would say between the ages of eight and ten, showed up and began teasing poor Hero, mercilessly. They banged repeatedly on the glass wall separating them (lucky that was secure, loves!!!!!!!!!!!) and shouting out things like "You're ugly!"

                                                   No one should be subjected to this kind of abuse, darlings; not even lovable Hero.  But he did something about it.  He sat there calmly, biding his time, and then, when the kids did not suspect a thing, he leapt at the glass wall, hands spread and growling. Did that scare them, and some of them ran!!!!!!!!  Then he turned tail, and flashed his man butt at them!!!!!!!!!!!  You can bet they will never forget this visit. Lucky he did not break through or some of those kids might have been lunch, while others would have had their necks snapped!

                                                     And it would have served them right! Picking on a poor, innocent gorilla!!!!!!!!  Well, Hero, I am with you all the way--and I think you are cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       As do all my girls on here!  We love you, Hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, My God!!!!!!!! Such Superb Color Coordination, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Girls, "Rizzoli And Isles" opened their fourth season with an interesting episode that juxtaposed the familial feel the Rizzolis and Maura all seem to have with each other, against another family, who seems to have it, but does not.

                                       That family happens to be the Humphreys--Senator Malcom (David Selby; remember him, darlings, as Quentin Collins on "Dark Shadows??????"), his daughter Erica, her husband, Jeff Miller, and her mousy sister, Jennifer Humphreys, who serves as her Chief Of Staff.  Erica has just won her father's Senate seat.  The Humphreys are riding on top in Boston, as Erica, astride a convertible, waves to constituents, during a Saint Patrick's Day Parade.

                                          Suddenly, a mysterious, gloved sniper opens fire, snuffing out the life of Erica, and devastating her poor, elderly father, and her husband, Jeff.  Unfortunately, Jeff, who has been hounded by the press for being a "house husband" in the wake of his wife's success, (and what is wrong with that, girls?????) is viewed as the prime suspect, but wait till you hear whom it turns out to be.

                                            None other than mousy little sister, Jennifer.  What a piece of work she is.  With her hair put up in a bun, she would look ready to play Agnes Gooch in "Mame." Bet she resented sis for her looks and success, not to mention her good looking husband, and cute baby.  All the things Jen wanted, but was too plain and screwed up to get. So, she latches on to a toxin company, that Erica was set to expose.  They cut a bribe deal with Jennifer, where they pay her to anonymously harass her own sister, online.  Finally, when things close in, and it looks like Jennifer is going to be exposed, Miss Sniper does the unthinkable.  Who would think a mouse like this, would be such a crack shot?????????

                                                The tragedy is it turns out Erica, with sisterly integrity, had found out what Jennifer had done, and was going to not only resign from the Senate seat, but take the rap for what her scum sister had done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The scene where Jennifer gets hysterical, screaming, "I want a lawyer!" is too much. More should have been seen here--brother-in-law and hubby turning on her, the cops hauling her off, even getting her face smacked!  But at least we know Jennifer is headed off to a place--for good--where she will look even worse than she did in the outside world!

                                                   What else?  Well, Frankie is being promoted to detective! Hot Militia Man  Casey returns, walking, cured, ready to bed, but not wed; after wooing Jane, he announces he is going back to Afghanistan.  As for Angela, she is still dishing out coffee, but it looks like she and the Lieutenant are picking up where they left off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Can you believe it, girls!!!!!!!!!!!  Neither can Jane and Maura!!!!!!!!!

                                                        Oh, and Maura makes peace with stepsister Caitlin over her kidney donation, and it looks like she and Hope, her mother, may come to terms.  With, perhaps another visit from
Sharon Lawrence???????????

                                                           A lovely season opener, though not enough scenes, involving food and wine!!!!!!!!!!!  But there is plenty of time for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                              Besides, that mousy little pudge, Jennifer, probably ate up everything in sight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Darlings, The Hottest Ticket In Town Tonight Is Not Even In A Theater!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                This is the evening, girls, for the clandestine reading of "RAGS," taking place at somewhere undisclosed, amidst the Roundabout domicile, attended by an undisclosed few, with only the sure thing being that, headlining in the role of Rebecca, will be our own Jessie Mueller!!!!!!!!  Who could ask for anything more?????????

                                                  Well, I have asked, could ask, and will ask again, to be there this evening to cheer on this acknowledgement of a genuine musical masterpiece, done recently by the Beautiful Soup Theater Collective, and sure to be nailed, as no Rebecca has since the days of Teresa Stratas, by Jessie!!!!!!!!  I am telling you, I am getting goose bumps, just thinking about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    This, I am telling you, is tonight's best kept theatrical secret event.  What can I say, except to cheer Jessie on, know she will do a splendid job, and yearn for the next time an opportunity presents itself to see her perform!???????????????????

                                                     Have you seen the YouTube, darlings, of Jessie performing "Being Alive," at someone's wedding??????????  Think what she could do, at mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      Bet she's be easier to get than Sylvia Weinstock!!!!!!!!!!! But you know me, girls, I want them BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       Break a leg, Jessie!  The ears of my girls and I will be telepathically attuned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This Guy, And His Commercials, Annoy The Hell Out Of Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Now, girls, I am not saying Cragi Geraghty is without talent.  He may very well have some.  But these series of commercials they keep making, to promote that cheap, hedonistic place they call Las Vegas, are disgusting.

                                 In each of them, Craig masquerades as this mild mannered insurance salesman, whose name, if you can believe this, is LasVegas DotCom.  Everyone thinks he is a website, so they all want things from him.  The one where he has this dream of partying, girls and a golf ball, is supposed to represent the Average Joe being agog over Vegas.

                                   Well, Craig does a good idea of looking like the Average Joe.  He's even kinda cute, in a sort of middle class way!!!!!! At times, he even manages, the way he is shot, to look like Conan O'Brien. Who is NOT an Average Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      But going WOW! over Vegas????????? Darlings, I know I am strictly New York, but a sale at Cartier's is more appealing to me than a trek to some mecca of strip and gambling joints in the Nevada Desert!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Besides, if you really want to see what Vegas is truly like, girls, you don't have to go anywhere.  Just sit in front of your screen, and watch the DVD of Paul Verhoeven's 1995 camp classic, "Showgirls!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                           You know what Vegas amounts to, hons???????  Monkey shit, on stage!!!!!!!!!

                                             So, THAT is what Craig Geraghty is advertising!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Wishing you a better gig, Craig, dear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome Back, Paula!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        It was so much fun, darlings, welcoming Paula Zahn back to her usual 10PM Sunday night spot on Investigation Discovery.  She had on a stunning black lace ensemble, but still has done nothing about the nose. Paula, dear you are NOT BARBRA; she can get away it, but you I am not so sure.

                                        Anyway, we were back on the case with Paula, involving a murder taking place  in Gainesville, Georgia, on Valentine's Day, 2010.  Richard Schoeck was shot down, while meeting with his wife, Stacy, at Belton Bridge Park, in Lula, to exchange romantic Valentine's Day gifts..  Richard was 45, successful, and had no reason to expect he would be murdered.

                                          But I am telling you, dolls, as soon as I saw this, I knew right away that Stacy was behind it.

                                          Turns out she was in cahoots with Richard Coleman and Lynitra Ross, to kill Richard, in order to collect--what else??????--a $500K Life Insurance Policy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          Why is it always the wives, girls??????????  And why do they think they will get away with it?????????  They never do!!!!!!!!!!!  And, why, Paula, did you not go into these aspects of the story, when presenting it???????? But, you gotta love Paula, hons; she just plows ahead like she is actually doing serious journalism, when what she is actually doing is shilling swag!!!!!!!!!!!!  Which us girls just LOVE to watch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             It's nice seeing you back again, Paula, but can't you find some truly exciting cases???????  With so many wives killing men for their life insurance money, if you believe half of these programs, then straight men are in danger, every time they get married.  Which could lead to a decline in population!!!!!!!!

                                              Hmmmmmmmm......maybe that is not such a bad idea.  How come Martha Stewart's exes (or ex?????) don't go after her for insurance money????????  Now, that would be exciting!!!!!!!!!

                                               Probably, they are all buried in Martha's backyard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                How about covering that,Paula???????????????????

Monday, June 24, 2013

Girls, I Am Telling You Here And Now--My Wedding Cake Is Going To Be Designed By Sylvia Weinstock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    I don't want to jump the shark here, darlings, or raise any eyebrows, least of all, my beloved Monsieur, but it is never too early to map out wedding details.  While we are still deciding on a venue, what has been decided, at least by me--and, as I am the blushing bride, girls, that is what counts!!!!!--is that my wedding cake will be designed by none other than Sylvia Weinstock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   I mean, how could I not???????  Especially if I expect the ceremony to be featured in VOGUE which I do, so this is fair warning to ANNA and Grace.  Have they ever done a same-sex wedding?????  If not, it is about time, and what better one than mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    And don't these concoctions look scrumptious???????  Screw you, Martha Stewart!!!!!!!!  I am saying I want these exact renditions, but I can tell you that white, peach and pink will be the prevailing colors.  Just like on my gown, and those of my bridesmaids!!!!!!!!!  Got that, Ramona???????

                                      I just wanted to alert you--and Sylvia, of course--as to the importance of this culinary decision!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       Sweets to the sweet, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Wonder who will walk me down the aisle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"North By North West," Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       No, loves, I am not talking about the classic Alfred Hitchcock 1959 movie, entitled "North By Northwest," though, if truth be told, I would much rather be.  I am talking about the naming of the Kardashian Baby.  And I don't care if the baby's father is Kanye West, make no mistake about it--this is a KARDASHIAN baby!!!!!!!!!  I still say they should have named her Kardashian Kardashian!!!!!!!!!!

                                       Instead, the baby has been named.........North West!  Which is not too bad, when you consider how Gwyneth Paltrow named one kid Apple, and the other, Moses.  Compared to that, North West is kind of tame, in spite of the Kardashians not having nearly as much class as Gwyneth, who, in turn, has not nearly--NONE, in fact--enough class as her mother, Blythe Danner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Honestly, I don't know why I am ignored!  Now, I am not about to go all Alex Forrest and "Fatal Attraction" on here, over this, but I was not even invited to the baby naming ceremony.  Don't the Kardashians realize the Raving Queen cannot be stopped.  That, even if I am not invited, there is going to a mention of things on here???????????

                                          Oh, well,. it's not like I haven't got a full social calendar, anyway???????? So, what's one Kardashian over another????????  And you bet there will be more--they are like guppies!!!!!!!!!

                                            So, let's welcome North West!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            Though, if they had been smart...and culturally aware....which none of these folk are, they would have named the little girl, Honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Honey West!!!!!!!!!!!  Get it, girls??????? I know most of you on here do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time For That Koffee Klatch, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          Kick back those heels, curl those legs underneath, and sip that iced tea, girls, because we are going to discuss "Revenge Wears Prada!!!!!!!!!!"

                                            First thing, though--can you believe--actually BELIEVE????--it has been ten years--A DECADE--since the publication of "The Devil Wears Prada??????????".

                                          Every time I read one of Lauren Weisberger's books, I learn so much.  In fact, at some point, I think Miss Weisberger will have to cumulatively publish those lessons in a single volume, entitled, "Life Lessons From Lauren."  Here is what I learned from her latest book:

                                             1.  If you are purchasing a new couch, or having one redone,
                                                  the fabric has GOT to be personally picked out for you by

                                              2.  If you have a bad day, where you feel you have had it, the
                                                   best remedy for that is dinner at Da Silvano. Especially their
                                                   tagliatelle bolognese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               3. Each night before you retire before bed, you MUST have a
                                                    fresh carafe of water with ice cubes and lemons floating in

                                                4.Your work space should resemble Elle Decor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                5. If you are going out for the evening, you have GOT to
                                                    wear Chloe shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 6. Your wedding cake MUST be designed by Sylvia

                                       Now, darlings, before you all go accusing me of superficiality and artifice, let me say I have not survived almost 30 years in this town, for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        But back to Lauren's book.  What it actually turns out to be is this charming little tale of moral integrity, with Andy Sachs as the heroine who comes out on top!  That is all I will reveal, except to say that if, like me, you are looking for that Boss From Hell we all know and love, Miranda Priestly, suffice it to say that Miranda is prominent, but not predominant, here. Which means two things. First, that the book could do with a lot more of her, and second, that if...... I say IF........MERYL decides to go ahead and do the movie, her part is going to have to be greatly expanded to make it worth the while for she and everyone else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Did I enjoy Lauren's book??????????  Girls, it is the undisputed read of the Summer!!!!!!!!!!!  It made me even wonder if there will be another sequel, ten years from NOW.  I can't begin to tell you.  And I am pretty certain Lauren can't either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           You MUST go read it, darlings.  However the one thing I most want to learn has still NOT been revealed.

                                           Lauren--where do you go to get that FABULOUS hair??????????????????

The LPA Playreaders Go To The 'Movies'.........Sort Of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    After what has seemed like a season long hiatus, darlings--six months, to be exact!!!!--The LPA Playreading Group reconvened to explore a text that already was surprisingly familiar to me--Merton Of The Movies, by George S. Kaufman.

                                      Twenty-one years ago, back in January of 1992, I Assistant Stage Managed a production of it, directed by Paul Roebling, who had assembled a company of fine actors, and it was performed, for at least two weeks, I think, at the old Atlantic Theatre.  This was one of my most memorable theater experiences--I learned that the theatrical workplace can be as fraught with perilous personalities as any other; I was actually paid a salary; and, when the director found I lived in the wilds of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn (my first time out there, darlings!!) I was given cab fare nightly, to get home, and let me tell you, girls, I adjusted to THAT real fast!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       And here I am back in Bay Ridge, and exploring 'Merton'!!!!!!!!  Something about circularity in my life, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Overall, the effort was one of the group's best. Like "Morning's At Seven, " with just some tweaking it could be put before an audience.

                                            It is wonderful to experience an actor soar in the role of his lifetime, and that is just what Steve Massa, the internationally known author of the best-selling "Lame Brains And Lunatics--The Good, The Bad, And The Forgotten Of Silent  Comedy," did in the pivotal role of Merton.  Not only is he
on his way to winning a TONY Award for this role, but a career at playing dorks, but believable dorks, unlike those attempted by Jerry Lewis.

                                             The talented Amy Schwegel, did the best Casting Director this side of Golden Age Hollywood, in her best Eve Arden style.  Newcomer Holly added some wonderful acidity to her delivery of a studio employee, while Tanisha Jones and John Calhoun made the most poignant father and daughter act, with Tanisha doing a wonderful version of Paulette Goddard, and John essaying another one of his curmudgeon roles that is clearly going to slide him, eventually, into the role of Na No, the world's oldest living poet, in Tennessee Williams' "The Night Of The Iguana."  Though something--a comedy, a musical perhaps????--is going to have to be done about bringing out his Inner Tommy Tune!!!!!!!!!  I can just see him in a white suit, dancing up a storm.  His time is coming, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Daisy Pommer's Dolly Levi entrance was the most stunning one of the evening, and her presence brought joy and delight to everyone. But, then when doesn't it????????

                                                 Kudos to Wendy for her coordinating this--and Charlie, too--and to their wonderfully adroit readings in smaller parts.  I cannot wait to hear Wendy do Chekhov.

                                                   As for yours truly, well, for starters, I was satisfied with my work, which says a lot right there.  I loved playing Merton's acid tongued friend, Elmer, and as for Simon Rosenblatt, who knew I could play a loud-mouthed Jew????????  I had no idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Perhaps now, I am ready for--
"Funny Girl????????"  It is about time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Wine and munchies flowed as smoothly as the reading, which made it go down all the more easier. This group proves that even with a six month hiatus they are not the least bit stale, but as sharp and spot-on as ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         And all without Diane Paulus!!!!!!!!!! How do you like that, Di??????????

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Another Pride Week, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Well, here it is, girls--another Pride Week!  Darlings, I don't care if you are straight, gay, lesbian, or vampire, this is a week to take pride in everyone and everything!  There are programs and events galore this week, and you can do things on your own--like going to brunch, reading the latest VOGUE or VANITY FAIR, pulling out that collection of neglected cast albums or CD's--what ever it takes,, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  As for those of you who are gay, this is the week when Queens are KING, so make the most of  it!  Don't get mad; get even!  Instead of handing out poisoned apples (like the Wicked Queen in "Snow White") to those who have done you dirt in the past year, show them up with a stunning ensemble, tickets to the hottest shows and museum exhibitions in town, and make them so envious of you, darlings, they will just puke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  This is pretty much my agenda, for the week, though at some point, you better believe I will open the windows, and blare out the cast album of "Mame!"  The neighbors will LOVE it, darlings!  They will HAVE to!  First time they heard something of taste!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   So, a Happy Gay Pride to one and all!   Remember what the line in "Funny Girl" says--    
                                   "These are facts, I've got no ax to grind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                     Happy Gay Pride, to one and all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Meet Me Tonight In Dreamland.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                      Bump your ass off, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       Tradition is continuity, and it was honored yesterday by the annual gathering of all of us--Monsieur, Kris and Gerry, Mr. Mayer, Judy, and our glamorous friend, Ellen--convening at our annual eatery, Fiorentino's, where we noshed, prior to attending that annual Summer inaugural event, the Coney Island Mermaid Parade!

                                          Yes, girls!  And on what I still maintain is the longest day of the year, and Meryl Streep's birthday!  Too bad MERYL did not join us for lunch; she would have loved it!

                                           I am telling you, the stuffed escarole at this place is the best in the world!!!!!!!!!
My Veal Parmesan was tender and luscious, the red sauce the best, while Monsieur's stuffed bake sole was so delicious, I think I am going to be ordering it next year!  Kris stayed true to her tradition, with the linguine and white clam sauce--can't go wrong with that, loves!!!!!!!!!, while Judy had an escarole of her own, and Ellen a delectable salad!!!!!!!!!  Gerry also opted for the stuffed sole!!!!!   And the wine and drinks flowed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Then it was off to the boardwalk, where we got a look at the New Orleans styled (at least in colors) Cyclone Cafe, and the newly created replica of Luna Park, which looked gorgeous by day, but, between this and the Parachute jump lit up at night, this place truly turns into a Dreamland!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              Were the mermaids there???????  You better believe it, lambs!!!!!!!!!!!  Tits and pasties galore!  Plus, the weather was the most glorious in years since I've been out there!  A cooling sea breeze, not too much sun; I didn't even get burned, though I was wearing plenty of sun screen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Can you believe it?  Another year, another Mermaid Parade.  And even though the 30th is still a week from today, it seems already as though the halfway point of 2013 has been reached!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   Where the good times roll, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

On The Scene With Paula Deen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Poor Paula Deen!  At least, all Paula Zahn can be declared guilty of is misguided thinking, believing herself, with her overly earnest demeanor, to be on the forefront of investigative journalism, when she is, in truth, shilling for a fun, trashy TV show, on a fun, trashy TV channel!!!!!!!!!!

                                But Paula Deen!  Can you believe she actually has a brother named Bubba Hiers??????  Bubba?????????  And no one even complains about that????????  Not even Bubba!!!!!!!!
The trouble actually started with him, where an employee, Lisa Jackson, working at Uncle Bubba's Seafood And  Oyster House in Savannah, GA, accused the place of fostering a hostile work environment, fraught with sexual harassment and racial slurs.  She even filed a lawsuit!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                OK, she has that right!  And, who knows, maybe Bubba is something of a Simon Legree!!!!!!!!!!  With that name, I would not be a bit surprised.

                                 But who's getting the heat turned up on???????  That is right, Bubba's more successful sibling, Sister Paula.

                                  She has admitted in court, that she has used the "N" word.  But nothing has been said about how she has used it.  I mean, students reading "The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn," "To Kill A Mockingbird," even Toni Morrison's writings, have not only SEEN the word; if they have read it aloud, they have USED it!!!!!!!!  Plus, one of the so-called most racist works in literature, "Little Black Sambo," does not even use that word at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    So, I am not sure what, if anything should be done about Paula.  If her employers feel she merits a reprimand, fine, but to rip into her empire?????  You think that bitch, Martha Stewart doesn't use racial and sexual orientation slurs?????????  She probably says them right in people's faces!!!!!!!!!!!!  Do we know Paula has actually done that???????????????

                                     Then there is the restaurant issue.  Something about her wanting to hire an all-Black staff, and creating a Southern Plantation themed restaurant!  Sweeties, I have been saying this for years!!!!!!
With the chefs all in white, with high hats, like Eustis, on the "Cream Of Wheat Box," and the waitresses dressed in long dresses, and kerchiefs, like Mammy/Aunt Jemima!!!!!!!!  So much employment for so many community members!!!!!!!  And the waitresses would have to be obese, so no one could declare weight discrimination, here, honey!!!!!!!!!!  With cuisine bringing back the days of elegance and gracious living that the South USED to have!  With me, sitting on the porch steps of Tara, at sunset???????????

                                       I mean, what's wrong with that????????  And before you go all PC on me, dears, let me say I was on the social forefront of the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s!!!!!!!!!  I marched and sang for peace and freedom, with Joan Baez!  "We Shall Overcome!"  I shouted "Right On!" for Angela Davis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         And for your information darlings, I have read--"The Confessions Of Nat Turner,"
"Beloved," and "Invisible Man!"  Not to mention "Uncle Tom's Cabin!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                           I really do not see the necessity for persecuting Paula Deen!  If anything, they should go after Bubba!

                                             Hallelujah, honeychuile'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              And you know who would be the head kitchen chef???????  You damn well better believe it, I am telling you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               The Reverend Al Sharpton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Meryl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     This is quite a day, darlings!  Not only is it, as far as I am concerned, the longest day of the year, and the day of the Annual Mermaid Parade in Brooklyn, not to mention the 44th Anniversary of the Death Of Judy Garland, but it is something to shout in the streets about!

                                       Today, girls, is the birthday of that Divinity known to us all, simply as Meryl Streep!!!!!!!!!!  Or, MERYL, to my girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         And not just any birthday, for, today, MERYL reaches the age of 64!!!!!!!!!!  Which has always been a cryptic number to me.  There was the Lennon-McCartney song "When I'm 64," featured on their  masterpiece, "Sgt. Pepper," but 64 has sad connotations for me because, back in 1979, that was precisely the age my mother passed away.  And, of course, being REALLY 24 at the time, (instead of professionally, as I am now!!!!!!!!!!) to me, 64 seemed so....well..old!!!!!!!!!  But now,  at 58, with 60 practically staring me in the face, not only does it seem not so old, it seems like Time has just flown.

                                          Girls, I am telling you, no one can popularize this age, or look so good at it, as MERYL!!!!!!!!!!!!  Now, one-two-three--HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MERYL!!!!!!!!!!!--there is her birthday wish from the Raving Queen and all my girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            Wonder how MERYL will celebrate?  With family and friends, of course!  I would guess Stanley Tucci and his family, which now includes Emily Blunt, as he is now married to Emily's sister, will all convene at MERYL'S today, and Stanley will take over that kitchen, and whip up a birthday dinner and dessert the likes of which I am sure we would all like to see!  I mean, MERYL deserves the BEST, and let's wish it for her!

                                              And don't you just know, darlings, talk will revolve around the already much discussed film version of "Revenge Wears Prada?????"   Wish I could be a fly on the wall, at that house, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Happy Birthday MERYL!!!!!!!!!!  You take 64 to a new level!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, June 21, 2013

Another Contest, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Last evening, Monsieur and I just acquired a new land line phone. After its installation, and test calls to make sure it is working, the next most important decision is--what message to leave on the answering machine?????????

                                                       You see, ours have become famous.  It started several years back, when Monsieur was on Bethune Street.  We used Nancy Kelly's speech from "The Bad Seed--"You hit him with the shoes, didn't you?..........," which went over well.  Then we switched to "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane," specifically the exchange starting with, "Blanche? Can ya speak to this man from Johnson's?"  That lasted awhile.  As well as Minnie Castevet's opening remarks from "Rosemary's Baby--"Sometimes I wonder how come you're the leader of anything.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                         But, by far, our most popular has been me delivering Gladys Cooper's penultimate speech, marking the climax of "The Song Of Bernadette."  You know, the one that begins, "What do you know of suffering?"  This lasted for more than a year, provoked the most response from callers, and I am certain kept phone solicitors at bay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                            Most recently, amidst complaints the 'Bernadette' message was too long--which it was--we opted for a shorter messsage--where I reprise Tallulah Bankhead's famous speech from "Die! Die! My Darling!"--"Is that lipstick, Patricia? Go, and remove that filth AT ONCE!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                               Now I am informed a new message is needed for our new phone. I have some contenders, but really cannot decide.  So, I am going to submit the contenders here, and I want those of you out there who feel free to comment, choosing what you like best.  The winner, whatever it may be, shall be announced on here.

                                                   The Contenders---

                                                     1. Neely's Speech From "Valley Of The Dolls"--"Well, he's not going to get his lousy ten per cent. Because I won't settle for crumbs!  I'll leave this stinkin' show!  WITH dignity!"

                                                       2. Mr. Pinky's Speech From "Hairspray"--"Fatty fatty two by four!  Can't get through the dressing room door?"

                                                         3. The Exchange Between Miriam and Charlotte in "Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte"--"Miriam:  Yes, I told! Why shouldn't I have told that his darling daughter was having a dirty little affair with a married man!!!!!!!  Charlotte:  You're a vile, sorry little bitch!!!!!!!!"

                                                           4. Veda's Dress Speech In "Mildred Pierce"--"It's the dress. It's awfully cheap material.  I can tell by the smell. Well, it seems to me if you're going to buy anything, it should be the best!  This is definitely not the best!  Oh, this is impossible!  Look at this! Ruffles! How could she buy me such a thing? I wouldn't be seen dead in this rag!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                              5. Mrs. Danvers' Underwear Speech In "Rebecca"--"This is where I keep her underwear. It was made especially for her, by the nuns, at the Convent of St. Claire."

                                                                There you have it, darlings!!!!!!!!!!  I simply cannot decide!   So, let me know what you think! And, if you have any you think might be better, feel free to say so, too!

                                                                  As with all contests, the winner will be posted here, and gets a free dinner with The Raving Queen at the restaurant of their choice!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                   May the best girl win.....GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!