Saturday, June 29, 2013

Darlings, A Decision Has Been Made!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  No, girls, I am not talking about DOMA, though I am not about to underestimate the importance of that, especially as plans are already being outlined for THE WEDDING!!!!!!!!  No, I am talking about something more immediate, at home--the message on our telephone land line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   This was a hard one to make. In the past, it had been so easy.  A perfect contender presented itself., and that was it!   In this case, there were five great contenders, (I threw in a sixth--another excerpt from "The Song Of Bernadette," but it was vetoed!!!!!!!) so let me say that the one selected turns out to be from "Mildred Pierce," which has never been represented before.  So, when you dial our number, and no one is home, you will first hear me doing this classic speech by Veda--

                                       "It's the dress. It's awful cheap material.  I can tell by the
                                        smell.  Well, it seems to me if you're going to buy anything,
                                        it should be the best!  This is definitely not the best!  Oh,
                                        it's impossible!  Look at this!  Ruffles!  How could she have
                                        bought me such a thing?  I wouldn't be seen dead, in this rag!

                                         Then Monsieur chimes in--"Please leave a message!"

                                Personally, myself, I was leaning toward the one from "Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte, where Miriam says--"Yes, I told! Why shouldn't I have told that his darling daughter was having a dirty little affair, with a married man!  To which Charlotte responds--"You've a vile, sorry little bitch!"

                                  But too many surveyed were uncomfortable about the use of the word "bitch" in the message.  Not even the 'Baby Jane' excerpt had that!

                                    I was also partial to the Mr. Pinky, Hefty Hideaway Speech, from "Hairspray!"  But, with so many of  our friends, being...well.......full figured, I am not sure how they would react to first hearing, "Fatty fatty two by four! Can't get through the dressing room door?"

                                      So, we have no clear winners, this time!  But thanks to all who pitched in. And, remember, these messages change almost seasonally, so you may get another chance soon!  Though so far nothing has topped the durability and incredulity from folks over my Gladys Cooper "Song Of Bernadette" speech.  I think that kept away more phone solicitors than any other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       Just like in "The Telephone Hour," from "Bye Bye Birdie!"

                                       "What's the story, morning glory? What's the word, hummingbird?"

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