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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween, Girls!

Darlings, I have ALWAYS LOVED the Collyer Brothers!!!! They are now the subjects of E.L. Doctorow's "Homer and Langley," and although the siblings have been written about and dramatized before, he mines a touching and poignant tale of New York eccentricity. The reason I love the Collyers is that they did what I increasingly more want to do--say FUCK YOU to the world, not pay taxes, ,and live in their own world where NO ONE ELSE can touch them. I mean, darlings, who would not want that? It is like returning to your childhood, now that you are an adult, which is just fine with me, darlings. So I urge you all to read it!!!!

But it is Halloween, girls, and that means, ghoulies and ghosties. It also means I have to be at Audrey's by eight o clock, presumably in some kind of get up, though I just do not think that is going to happen.

And in just two days I am going to have to face work again, with disturbed lesbians, and all that goes with it. And just 18 days from now I turn 55, which I cannot believe, since my professional age, lambs, is only 24!!!! To think that another year is almost history, and then just two months from today, we say goodbye to 2009. It has been a rough year; can 2010 be any worse??? Darlings, I hope not, we need a break!!!!

But my break is writing to all of you, keeping you up on how fabulous my life is, girls, because someone has to report about it, and it might as well be yours truly. And what a plethora of films coming up on the viewing circuit--"The Red Shoes" and "On The Waterfront" no less and maybe "The Wizard Of Oz" the night before my birthday, which would be fitting!!!!!

So I am ready to gird those loins and don that girdle on Monday! In the meantime, have a scrumptious Halloween, girls, and collect lots of candy to induce a sugar rush in all of you!!!!
Cheers, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Darlings, Where Has This Week Gone?????

Well, it is Friday, girls, the day before Halloween, and I have yet to get my hair done! I mean, what am I supposed to do? But I just HAD to check out the Halloween double feature at the Film Forum--Susan Strasberg in "Scream of Fear," which I had never seen, and what a "Gaslight" hoot, and Vincent Price in "Theater of Blood," with his delightfully deranged daughter Diana Rigg! Darlings, for all of us who have been denied awards, this will get the juices flowing!!!!!

And in less than three hours I have to be at a Halloween/birthday party, and not much to show for it! If only my gift buying budget matched that of Meryl Streep!!!!!

Oh, and there is more on Jonathan Tropper. If his book makes the 100 Most Notable Books of the New York Times, I may not agree with it, but I CAN live with that. However, if it is put on the Ten Best List, which means one of the Five Best Works of Fiction published this year, you can bet the Times is going to hear from me. I just wish the spirit of Jane Austen would rise up from the grave and slap Mr. Tropper across the face. And that all three Brontes would resurect to kick his sorry middle aged boy butt!!!!!! I would pay to see that , girls!!!!!!!!!!!

But on to more fun things--I have decided to make what Amy made in the movie--Chicken in Mushroom Cream Sauce, with a salad, Asparagus in Hollandaise Sauce, and Raspberry Bavarian Cream for desert. A date has not been set, so I cannot tell you when this will happen, but as soon as the date is set, I will let you know. Girls, this could make or break me!!!!

And speaking of being broken, Monday looms, which means not only back to work and dealing with psychos both patrons and staff, but I have to get back into that goddamn girdle!!!!!
Girls, have you any idea how liberating the past two weeks have been without a girdle??? The feminist movement had it all wrong. It was the girdles, not the bras, that should have been burned!!!!!!!!!!

So that is it for today, and no costume for Audrey's Halloween bash tomorrow as yet. Although with my looks, darlings, who needs a costume. What I need is a designer, a manicurist, and most of all a HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!

Hope all your treats are TRICKS this weekend, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Darlings, How Much Heterosexist Bullshit Must We Be Asked To Take???

Girls, and by that I mean not only my gay male readers, but all you real ladies, not just the faux ones, who are often straight guys secretly wearing panties, after reading all 339 pages of Jonathan Tropper's novel "This Is Where I Leave You," there are some things that need to be said, The first is there has to be a law enacted against writers with the first name of Jonathan, because there are just too many of them. And unlike the others--the Messrs. Franzen, Lethem and SafranFoer, Mr. Tropper is out of their league as he lacks something they all have--discipline and coshesiveness.

The book is so all over the place because instead of settling down and writing something insightful about a family united at a shiva, he detracts into sexual ramblings that make this household as disturbed as the one in "Capturing The Friedmans," with the exception that Tropper thinks it is all fine. The only purpose here seems to be to prove that Jud Foxman, the potagonist, and his siblings are MEN WITH TESTOSTERONE!!!! Give me a break!!!! If you paid me a dollar for each time the word breast, pussy, and ass is used as evaluative quantifiers for the female sex, I would not have to go back to work on Monday. I mean, the self righteous heterosexual tone projected serves no dramatic purpose, bores fast, and I find personally offensive. Not to mention the fact that every time the concept of being gay or someone MALE being gay is mentioned, it is in the most negative terms.

So of course The New York Times picks Janet Maslin to review it, where she raves about the wisecracks, evidencing the same lack of self awareness and capability to think as when she called that crappy film called "Titanic" "the greatest romantic epic since 'Gone With The Wind.'" Hang up the reviewer hat, Janet, and go on Dionne Warwick's Psychic Channel.

See what a bitch this novel makes me? Of course, it doesn't take much to make me a bitch anyway, So I will just say to Mr. Tropper--just because a few select passages and have some promise that show you can write does not excuse your from being a self righteous heterosexual prick who is clearly Jud Foxman himself. Darlings, I could not wait to get away from these people. If Mr. Tropper wants to last as a writer, he better stop projecting upon his readers his self aggrandizing fantasies of himself as some stud muffin, because that act tires REAL fast. And I have news for you, Mr. Westchester Suburbanite, there ARE gay men in Westchester, some of whom may live in your neighborhood! So get over it! Or move to Jersey where you can still find some towns set in a time warp where it is still 1958.

Hell, I am just having so much fun, lambs, bitching and basing Tropper's book. But if I save at least one of you out there the trouble of reading this crap, then my efforts will not be in vain.

Tomorrow, girls, we will talk about culinary advancement. I am nearly ready to attempt a Julia Child recipie! Until then, loves!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Darlings, A Return To Civilization Has Its Price!!!!!!

Girls, I have been back in NYC since Saturday, and this was supposed to be my week for fun and relaxation. Now it is true that I have reclaimed my kitchen by making a fabulous potato tortilla and an Italian pasta dish with spinach and beans, but in addition I have had to endure more root canal, escalating dental bills, and rainy weather where I had to go home for my photo ID to deposit some money in my savings acct, and THEN I go to pay my other bills, and the computer system is down. My plans for the 1:25 screening of "Law Abiding Citizen" have been scrapped, so here I am, blogging to all my girls after a fabulous "Julie and Julia" lunch.

Stilll much ahead, darlings. More bills to pay, working at the Center tomorrow night after almost 3 weeks, a party for Rob on Friday, and Audrey's Halloween party on Saturday. Darlings, when you are as fabulous as I am the social scene post October just does not stop!!!!!!

Added to which I have been haunted by Richard Molinari's most recent book, "Merciliess," because I empathize with the serial killer, an emotionally disturbed child named Marius Daumgarrd, who turns out to be a child murderer, a la "The Bad Seed," but who is trying to recreate the fantasy and childhood happiness of his past by memoriailizing the amusement creation that his grandfather, the only one who truly loved him built and designed, called StoryBook River. I really felt Marius' pain, because how much would I like to go back to the safe and happy moments of my childhood. Which is why that lyric in Sondhiem's "Sweeney Todd"
resonates for me--"If only angels could prevail, we'd be the way we were." Maybe if Marius had been reached, he could have been helped. Or maybe if his grandfather had lived out the course of his life he would have harnessed his demons. I know I fear isolation and aloneness, which is why I felt the killer's pain. Not that this justifies killing, but I understood his desire of wanting to bring back StoryBook River, as I remember such places from my youth in Jersey--Wild West City in Sussex County, the Native Village therein (which does not) and the similar StoryLand down in Freehold which I had actually been to. And once again Mr. Molinari stumped me--Me, Mr. Serial Killer expert, darlings--so you know he is good. And good looking,honey!!!!!!!!

So what a week it has been. And it is still continuuing so when my demons rise I just think about some movies or shows to see, and more Richard Molianari to read, and the prospect of a husband. It is not over, till it's over, girls!!!! So stay tuned for more, the week is not yet through , darlings, and there may be more mayhem to come! Ta Ta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Darlings, What The Hell Am I Doing Here?????

Girls, we have been in Florida for almost five days, and let me tell you I have no idea in Christ's name what I am doing here. There is no Dolores Hart or Connie Francis, honey, that must have gone out years ago. The men look like pervs, what men there are that still have prostates intact, and the lack of glamour in the women is worthy of a lesbian trucker convention.

But, still, girls, we are managing to survive, what with a visit with my father, who is doing fabulous at 94, a trip to "Julie and Julia" which still enchants and which I know thrilled him, and darlings it just reminded me that a girl has GOT to get back to her own kitchen. When I return from this press junket I am on, I am going to cook me a potato vegetable tortilla, saute some pasta and open some wine!!!!! Yippeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then when I am back in NYC--my comfort zone--I will report on the fashion and arts scene all week, because next week I will be covering that scene like you would not believe, girls!!!!!!!!

And how are all my fabulous girls, anyway??? Imagine yours truly, blogging in Florida. I am surprised they have heard of such things here. The back roads are like one gigantic set for "Cold Case", with the inhabitants looking like extras from outakes of "Deliverance!!!!!!"

Girls, God, Mary, Meryl, Amy, help me! Help me get back safely to the land of NYC with all my girls and lambs, where I will be yours again, darlings!!!!!!!!!!! When next you hear from me I should be safely ensconced!!!! Pray for me, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Darlings, We Are Getting Closer!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, girls, this morning I took my action and called Caprese Car Service to take me to LaGuradia Airport on Saturday morning at 10:15. This is the first step in my journey to Florida, which I am guessing will be taking place. Girls, I am beat. After the shit that has gone down here, I need to be outta here; I should go to Cascade like Bette Davis in "Now, Voyager," but when you are not one of the Vales of Boston, what can one do???? And tonight I have to do a book trip, but I have to stock up on having plenty to read for my soujourn South, though Florida is hardly what I would call the South. It is the Ersatz South, not the true South that we all done love thanks to Misses Margaret Mitchell and Harper Lee! And hell, afte my book trip I may do a Manducatis trip, unless I want to go home and have my Julie Powell cooking experience; we shall see how the day transpires. But I am actually almost packed, girls, and I think I will be travelling pretty light, considering. Tomorrow is "Pinky," so I will let you know if I make it! Darlings, you are all SO fabulous but remember to take your cue from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Girls, Can You Believe Where This Day Has Gone?

Darlings, I am telling you, one minute I was pulling myself out of bed, and now it is almost quitting time. In between I discovered I will probably be heading to FLA this Saturday, had a session with my therapist, and my Stitch and Bitch meeting where not too much S and B went on this time, as we did not have any incompetent fat pigs around to inject their incompetent fat pig opinios into the proceedings. Then I have to have dinner with girls, and next thing you know I will be in front of the mirror, fixing my facce with cold cream for bed. Make sure you have plenty of cold cream on hand, girls, we cannot afford to be without it, if you want to keep as looking as gorgeous as I am, darlings!!!! And tomorrow we have another scintillating day that will boil down till vacation time when all HELL will break lose!!! So keep your eyes planted on this blog, lambs, because there will reports many and sundry on all sorts of things!!! Maybe even a trip to the Film Forum on Thursday to see "Pinky!" My pinky finger is tired from all this typing but I just had to tell all my readers out there not to despair, I will continue in the face of whatever adversities continue to be thrown at me!!! And damnit if I don't throw them right back, which is why I am such a B-I-T-C-H, girls!!!!! But not all the time, of course!!!!!!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Girls, Let's Not Forget Our Galas!!!!!!!!

Darlings, the Fall Gala season got underway this past Saturday with the opening night party at BOOKBOOK. This is the new moniker of the former Biography Bookstore, now moved considerably East but still on Bleecker Street, where a gallery of the city's most glittering litterati gathered to welcome the new location of Carol and Chuck's home. They were supported by all their toothsome young staff, with young Juan officiating as matre de. I swear, darlings, I think the ghost of Norman Mailer was hovering over the place, going so far as to stil try to sell copies of that overwritten peace of junk called (?) "Harlot's Ghost," which is what it should have been called in the first place, as Norm certainly knew all about harlots. And who else but Norm would in death still be egoist enough to sell his own crap? As if anyone wanted it????? Nevertheless the party was attended by enough live wires, including those two GV's--Gloria Vanderbilit and Gore Vidal, both of whom looked stunning in their respective ensembles. There was a rumor that Miss Anna Wintour was going to take a break from VOGUE to attend, and considering I have seen copies of her bio "Front and Center" on sale there, I would not be surprised if the Divine Anna did put in an appearance. And, oh, how the wine and club soda flowed, and what a stunning book designed cake, not to mention a vast assortment of fruits and cheeses, and the evening was made. Oscar De La Renta would have been proud. Even Carol's father was on hand, dispensing tales from his life which we are just anxious to read as his memoirs, but only he knows for sure!!!! It is for sure, lambs, that Carol and Chuck's new establishment got off to a winning start, and this customer will not forsake them just because they are no longer across from the Magnolia!!! So, girls, make way to the newest literary haunt in town--BookBook for a refreshing, literary experience! Stay tuned, girls!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Girls, It's Time To Get Serious Just For A Minute!!!!

Darlings, with all having been and still continuuing to be written about the TV show "Cold Case" since 2003, I cannot believe more has not been written on the episode from Season 2 called "Wishing." I viewed it recently and found it as haunting and painful to watch as the first time. What gets one through it is the craftsmanship and the brilliant acting. But it is one of the most heartbreaking stories dramatized--and an effecitve reworking of the John Steinbeck classic "Of Mice and Men."

Here, as best as I can recount, is the story.

Damien Midkiff, in a brilliant, star making performance, plays Colin Miller, a teenager with special needs. He is physically developed, but underdeveloped mentally, the latter putting him somewhere between 6 and 8. Colin is in a bad way, and does not know it. His mother, Sarah, a woman in her early 40s, is dying of cancer. His friend and caregiver, Nathan Hicks, loves Colin, and wants the best for him. They both do, especially in the wake of Colin's father having abandoned them when found he sired a special needs child.

Colin, like most teenagers, has a crush on a classmate, Lydia. Unfortunately, this has tragic consequences. In a tender scene alone with him, she allows Colin to kiss him. But when discovered by the more popular kids she covers up by saying she was attacked, slapping Colin with a sexual assault charge. On the day in question, March 6, 1993, Colin and Nathan were scheduled to attend a screening of "Jurassic Park." They did, but something happened later. That evening Colin was found dead by the train tracks, having been run over by an oncoming train. It was presumed an accident.

A makeshift memorial is created at the death site, and each year people leave things at it.
Eventually, someone leaves drawings of the train incident, suggesting that what happened to Colin was not exactly accidental. Lily and Company investigate, and discover that following the incident with Lydia, Colin was placed in a facility for violent patients, while his mother was hospitalized. Nathan visits him, and wants to be Colin's guardian, but the system will not let a minor act as such to a teen on a sexual assault charge. Sarah comes home, where she dies, to Colin's unawareness. Lydia stops by and discovers the dead Sarah and calls 911.

Things point to Nathan as the primary suspect. Under questioning, he admits he and Sarah had discussed what might become of Colin were they available, and it was not good. Nathan makes an irrevocable decision. While walking home from the film, he leads Colin onto the train tracks and asks him to "wish" his mother well. Colin does with all the hopefulness he can muster, and before Nathan's eyes is struck down by the train. Though under the guise of a mercy killing, Nathan is arrested and imprisoned, his punishment of having to live with the decsion he made his entire life worse than anything he will have to face in prison.

This is one of this show's most disturbing episodes. It cries out for tolerance towards the Colins of this world and shows the system does not always know best about who should be cared for. I could never have made the decision Nathan did. Colin should have been facilitated till Nathan reached majority, when he could take care of him, thereby giving him a chance at life that Nathan denied him.

So, darlings, I urge you to see this episode of "Cold Case." And the next time you encoutner a Colin, be a little more patient. They do not deserve to have the decision made for them that Nathan did.

That is enough for today, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Who Love To Cook Have GOT To Have A Food Processor!!!!!!!!

Darlings, let me tell you, after pounding those damn chic peas yesterday, my arm aches and I am ready to get pounded. But it was worth it, the Linguine Alla Ceci came out superbly, though I could have, and will next time, ease up on the black pepper. I mean, my prostate, girls!!!!! But what a day--cooking, shopping, running around, dinner with Harvey, and then here I am back at my cubicle, anxious already about flying to Florida next week, and girls I am not even packed. I mean, my underwear, my beauty products!!! What am I going to haul it all in? I should go in a train car, where I can take up room, and have such fun. But instead I will fly down and who knows what will happen once I get there. Girls just have to have fun, you know.

Still eating my spaghetti alla ceci. And with my nice salad and dressing it is fabulous. Time to sautee some more veggies, girls! Of course, I would rather sautee a man, but fat chance of that!!!
But stay tuned girls, because this blog is going to go to FLA and who knows what kind of reportabe will come from the Sunshine State. Maybe I will take up with a convoy of truckers!!!!
Wish me luck, girls!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Darlings, Us Girls Have Got To Have Our Kitchens!!!!!

Girsl, this morning I was back in the kitchen after shopping and I made a scrumptious Spaghetti alla Ceci. Or in this case Linguine, as I prefer that. But, darlings, I am telling you I have GOT to get a food processor, because this mashing of chic peas (the ceci) has left me arms as tired as I if I had been pumping iron with Eric Evans, which I should be so lucky to. And of course I was not as organized as Miss Rachel Ray, so I overdid the spices a bit. But it all came out right in the end. And a whole day away from the Hell Palace with cooking helped suppress my rising anxiety about plane travel next week, and being away from NYC, which is always a bone of contention with me. But in the kitchen this morning I was back feeling like Amy Adams and Julie Powell. Now if I can just get through the rest of this month and November we shall see what happens. And after this recipie, who knows what is next. Stay tuned, girls, as I explore more cuisine, shop for fall fashions, and prepare myself for the next social gathering. I am sure my ensemble will be perfect, as will yours, dears! Till then!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Girls, It Is Time For A Coffee Klatch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that Victor has had his coffee, let me say I cannot function without it in the morning. I mean, darlings, before my beauty regime and facial I have got to have caffeine in my veins. Things can get real ugly if I don't. And speaking of ugly, the female serial killer in Richard Montanari's "Deviant Way" brings new meaning to the famous c-word. Darling, I hope this bitch gets slammed against the wall, just like some psychos in life I know. And this for having plowed through all of William T. Vollmann's "Europe Central," which was worth it, but never again. Girls, I just don't know. We have got to have fun, whether it is playing the career girl act or being in the kitchen like Julie Powell. Stay tuned, girls!!!!

Girls, I Simply Have To Have Some Coffee!!!!!

I am here with the charming and intelligent Victor Van Etten, who is in need of some coffee, too!!!!!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Girls, I Know What You Must Be Thinking....

...that here it is already October 2--the Feast of the Guradian Angels--and that I have vanished from the face of the earth, and you, my precious readers, my lambs! Well, girls, things have been busy, what with all the workplace drama going on here, the root canal I had this week and next, and the trials and tribulations of my friend Harvey and David. Do you know how annoying it is to chew out of one side of your mouth? And I am not even going to talk about sex. Don't get me started.

Well, with the weather and my teeth, now is the perfect time to get back into the kitchen and make home made soup. I am going to start with chicken noodle, and then there is a potato and onion I want to try, so girls, lots of time at Key Food this weekend, because that is where the better stuff is. And I have to think about my wardrobe for my upcoming FLA trip, and try to finish the William Vollmann novel, which is challenging even MY brilliance, dears, so I don't advise you attempting it. Who knows--I may not finish it--life is too short!

To think I only posted 14 times in September. Girls, I will try and make it up to you in October. And with the holidays looming, who knows what culinary adventures will be in store.
And then certain people who will be nameless can kiss my ass and go to Hell, for all that they are worth anything. I am telling you, girls, if we have any more drama, I am going to burst one of my girdles. I want peace and calm, darling, peace and calm. See you in the kitchen tomorrow for soup!!!!!