Thursday, September 30, 2010

Girls, I Am Not Through Yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, as if I have not already said enough on the whole tragedy of Tyler Clementi, let me add a few things.

His death took place NOT on the 29th, but a week before on the 22nd.

He had reached out to a Gawker website, with no success.

The taping that triggered the suicide was the second one discovered.

What I want to know, girls, is, who or where is the student/man Tyler was having sex with? It takes two to tango, honey, so why has not he come forward????? Is it shame, or could it be complicity; that is, he was in on a set-up with Ravi and Wei to humiliate Tyler. Personally, until I hear differently, I am voting for this scenario.

The othet thing is that as much as I hope Ravi and Wei fry, they did not decide for Tyler to end his life. That was purely his decision, though this deed prompted it. Had it not happened, Tyler would still be with us. Which leads me to question what prompted so dire an act--shame? embarassemnt? all of the above? Was Tyler out to himself yet? Did his family know, or have an idea? Even I can tell you from that period of my life, I would not have wanted my being gay to be broadcast for all and sundry to see!!!!!!! If that's what I had wanted, I could have made a fortune as a William Higgins star. Tyler was obviously not interested in that.

And what of the parents of Ravi and Wei? How much culpability should they share? Couldn't they teach their children better behavior? Apparently not. What they have singlehandedly done is cast a blight on so much--their parents, their school, their home state, the straight community--that they should be socially excommuncated from society till what time if any they are deemed fit for it. That or public execution. They publicized Tyler, so let them go by their own device.

It could only have happened in New Jersey, girls!!!!!!!!!! Snooki, The Situation, this, it is all TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!! I loved Olivia on last night's SVU, when she collared the rapist and said, "Now, you're MY bitch!!!!!!!!!"

Dharun and Molly, you are MY bitches, and you will be dragged down dead like the skanks you are. Somehow, some way, I will to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rot in HELL, scum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Today We Have Two Bitches For The Price Of One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, as Dinah said, and once again I have to cite her, "what a difference a day makes!" Yesterday, I was suffering blog block over not having anything to write about, but had a bitch in place for today, and then all of a sudden come two for the price of one. Actually, this story is very interesting; it harkens back to my New Jersey past. But before I go further, let me single out our winners.

The WINNERS of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week awards are Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But let me backtrack. Several nights ago, I got home, and found a message on my machine from Karl, the son of one of my mother's friends. Karl is eight years my senior, and when I was still living in Jersey, he and I had a friendshp. Well, darlings, I escaped to New York--more on that, later--and while we did not keep in close touch, we always were aware of the other. Last September 3, Karl's mother passed on, and out of deference one of the better (yes, dears, there WERE those!_) I made a condolence call, offering my sympathy and support, stating if he needed to talk to me he could, and giving my number. Time went by, life went on, and that was that--I thought. The other night, a year or more later, Karl called. Seemed he had misplaced my number, wondered about me, and called. I could not return his call that ngiht, as it was after eleven, but when he called again the second night, I knew I had to.

So I did, and we talked, catching up on stuff, me offering support, etc. The most televant thing here was that I could tell, by how Karl talked, he had NO idea, even NOW, that I was gay!!!!!! At one point he actually asked me, "So, you never found a girlfriend?" and when I heard that I KNEW he did not know. This was my opportunity to present myself, but for some reason I thought it wasn't the right time. What is even more interesting--and we are closing in on the matter of this blog--he mentioned an incident--a suicide at Rutgers University (a place with which I have issues) stemming from a student being taped during a sexual encounter, and having it streamlined on YouTube or some such thing. What Karl did NOT tell me, and what I did NOT find out until this morning, is that the encounter taped was a HOMOSEXUAL one!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These two scum, Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei (and it was probably Molly's idea; bitches in their teens and twenties are the WORST!!!!) installed a camcorder in Molly's room that could see into Dharun's, and taped Tyler Clementi, having sex with a male student. Dharun happened to be Tyler's roommate. They then went on to streamline it online, for all to see. Now, the other person with whom Tyler was having sex was not mentioned or has been heard from, but on September 29, Tyler drove into NYC, stopped alongside the GW Bridge, left his wallet on the sidewalk, and jumped!!!!!!!!

Which is why Ravi and Wei are this week's Bitch(es) Of The Week!!!!! They drove this kid to suicide!!!!! They are his muderers, and for such they should be executed!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is said if convicted--of privacy invasion--they face up to five years in state prison!!!! What about being charged with murder??? And I will tell you something, it was probably Molly Wei's idea to do it, because young women at this age are the worst!!!!!!!! As far as I am concerened Ravi and Wei will be known as The Murderers. I would like to see Chris and Mariska rough handle them. I would like to see Tracy Pollan as Harper go after them with her 45 caliber Desert Eagle Super Blue. Hell, I might go after them, myself. And I am not through yet, because I have a few axes of my own to grind with Rutgers University and the state of New Jersey.

Of all the schools I ever applied to--and this includes some big places like Syracuse, U of Michigan, Boston U--Rutgers was the ONLY one to turn me down. I had an interview there, and I am convnced that I was rejected--despite my grades, activities, and because other classmates of mine not nearly as smart as I went there--because I was gay!!!!!!!! What is ironic is I ended up at Seton Hall, a Catholic institution, where you might expect I would not be treated well, but where I was treaated better than anywhere in elementary, junior or senior high school. So, what do you think of THAT, Rutgers University???? Go ahead, attack me on here, I DARE you!!!!

Hell, the whole state of New Jersey is repsonsible--a bunch of white trash cretins who are so phobic over anything--never mind homosexuality--that is outside their pathetic conventional norm--that they go after anyone for being an individual of any sort. I include some of my relatives under this rubrick as well, and I am not afraid to say so. Come after me, you fuckers!!!!!!!!! One time I had a therapist, who, hearing my story told me, "You did not fail New Jersey; New Jersey failed YOU!" It certainly did. In fact, I was driven out of that state becasue it would not accept me in any way. I had not option but to flee to New York, where so far I have managed to maintain myself. But when something like this happens, it triggers all those early negative experiences.

Tyler Clementi will not be forgotten. Because I am going to call LAMBDA and see that his murderers are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. And I am sick and tired of people who see technology as the answer to everything. I know so many MORONS who, if they awoke tomorrow, and there was no internet, texting or cell phone usage, would FREAK OUT!!!!!! Me, I would not give a shit, I would just get on with my life.

I don't think we have had two more EVIL bitches on here than Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei. Plainsboro suburban trash upstarts who thought it would be fun if they ruined someone's life. You just did not ruin someone's life, you bitches, you ENDED it!!!!!!!!!! I hope the same happens to YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I am the bitch also this week, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Darlings, It Is A Wonder I Can Talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you recall, girls, last week I recounted my spiritual vision of Rue McClanahan!!!! Well, today, I had an earthly vision. There I was out on the Esplanade of Amsterdam Avenue, for my coffee break, and who should I see walking towards me--this was not a mirage, loves!--but those two doyennes of society, the Misses Janice and Annette. Janice was looking very Slim Keith, and Annette, as always, rather Audrey Hepburnish. They were just strolling the thoroughfare, giving the neighborhood a much needed and favored glimpse of them. I am telling you, if it had been sunny out instead of rainy, I would have fallen completely to my knees!!!!!!!!!!!! I have palpitations right this minute just writing about it.

Let this be the indication of miraculous workings, girls!!!!! I feel truly blessed and inspired by the presence of these social oracles! And NO ONE is having more fun than Janice, you had better believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wish we could all have as much fun, girls! Or lunch with Anna, at least!
Meantime, we have been graced in a week with the presence of two visions. One can only hope the future looks bright!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look What They've Done To My Book, Ma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I cannot believe what they have done to one of my all-time favorite books, "We Have Always Lived In The Castle," by Shirely Jackson. The poeitc nature of the title speaks of a lyrically written novel of two sisters leading an almost agoraphobic existence in a house isolated from the villagers. It tapped into not only some of Shirley Jackson's own issues, but some of mine--I would love to live away from this dumbed down, technological, capitalist crap world. Unless that capitalism comes directly to ME, which so far it has not!!!!!!!!!!

It was drmatized sometime in the late 60s, by Hugh Wheeler, who went on to write the book for the classic "A Little Night Music," and starred Shirley Knight and Heather (yes, she who was Louisa Von Trapp) Menzies as the Blackwood sister, Constance and Mary Katherine, otherwise known as Merricat. It did not have a successful run.

Now the Yale Repertory Theatre has had the temerity to turn this into a musical, which it does not really need to be. BUT if it had been handled in a chamber sense, like Polly Penn and Peggy Harmon with their "Goblin Market,' it might have stood a chance, enough to cop MY interest, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alas, the hacks responsible for this travesty--they are not even worthy to name--have made this gothic story of psychological and famileal entrapment sunny and wholesome in ways that have been compared to, so help me, "The Donna Reed" show!!!!!!!!! What is Americz thinking? I mean, can't they get their musicals RIGHT??? First we get in-your-face garbage like "Spring Awakening," "American Idiot" and "Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson," now we get dehydrated gothicism manufactured as third rate Rodgers and Hammerstein. What is wrong with people these days; even more, what is wrong with Yale's Theater Department? An august body that once produced the likes of Meryl Streep is now pandering to sanitized nonesense trying to pass itself off as art, by riding the coattails of a genuinely artistic work, while desecrating it at the same time. Sweeties, it ALMOST makes "Miss Saigon" look good, not that I would wish it on ANYONE. But, honey, when creators do not understand the nature of the property they are trying to adopt, or intentionally go against that property to reinforce their own Tea Party-like personal vision, then theatrical creativity and innovation go out the window.

Which is pretty much what The Times said in its review. But if more stuff like this is even ALLOWED to be produced, we are in serious trouble. The makers of this piece of crap deserve, not to be haunted by Shirley Jackson from the grave--that would be too good for them--but to be collectively stoned, in the style of her "Lottery," by a bunch of Theater Queens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, get ready to toss that topaz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Quelle Catastrophe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I am telling you, this is my life--we just go from one trauma to another. I am as emotionally exhausted as Olivia De Havilland as Melanie in "Gone With The Wind" when she appeared atop the stairs at Tara, with the sword, to assist Scarlett with the dispatch of the Yankee soldier.

First, I have all this free floating anxiety, which suggests I think another visit needed to Riviera Cafe for their TWO--that is TWO, darlings--Bloody Marys!!!!!!
But Sunday was dire--first I had to carry--at Monsieur Davide's behest!--a back breaking load of laundry to the cleaners. I mean, talk about what I did for love!!!!!!! It was a wonder I could straighten up!!!!!! I almost collapsed against a lampost, girls, ane while I know a thing or two about lamposts,loves, collapsing was never what I used them for!!!!!!!!!

On we went to the laundromat, where we fed coins into the machine, shoving in clothes and detergent. Sweeties, even I can do this; much as I WANT to be Princess Lee Racizwill, I am so NOT. Then we settled donw to await the laundry--Mosieur Davide with his work, I with my current literary tome--and this is where Quelle Catastrophe set in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The day or so before, I had begun "Matterhorn" by Karl Marlantes. Lambchops, it was hailed as a quasi literary event. It graced the cover of The New York Times Book Review, and the praise, while not quite Franzen-ish, were cleary going in that direction, certain to land it at least on the Notable Books list!!!!!!!!! It was set in Vietnam, a territory I had covered, having read Michael Herr's classic "Dispatches" (made into an underrated Elizabeth Swados musical seen at the Public), and Dennis Johnson's "Tree Of Smoke," which I can tell you lots of people I knew were not able to finish, and which The Times, I think, went overboard in praising it. But that was nothing compared to Matterhorn." It starts out promisingly, and I gamely kept at it, but by Sunday afternoon, somewhere around the one sixties, I knew I had had it. Reading it ceased to be a pleasure and more of a chore, a sure thing that the book is NOT doing it for me.

Girls, I was emotionally devastated, because even though I have gotten better at it, it still hurts me to put a book aside. I view it as a personal failing. And after having bought it at the Strand!!!!!!!!!!!! When I told Monsieur Davide, the poor man was in a state of shock!!!!!!!!!! But being the wonderful fellow he is, he was ready to help. So we decided that after laundry time we would make a bookstore run, so I would not suffer some kind of intellectual dehydration. Now, it is true I had a backup book in my bag, but, darlings, with MY system, you KNOW I cannot start my backup without finishing the current. And since I could NOT finish this current current, then a NEW current had to be found and read.

So soon as we put away the laundry we sped down to bookbook on Bleecker Street, where I perused so many titles I did NOT know what to do. At last I settled on two--the E.M. Forrester classic "A Passage To India,' which I have not read in years, girls, and have been meaning to, and then Zoe Heller's recent novel "The Believers," which is what I started, and, girls, what a differnce a book makes!!! Now I can block out that "Matterhorn" thing. Of course, an evening marathon of "SVU" helped; it was "Killer Clergy" day, though the term was used speciiously, and it was equal opportunity, what with questionable rabbis. So another catastrophe was averted girls, which makes me wonder if I should not have TWO backup books. But this thing happens maybe only once or twice a year. Since this is almost October, I can be pretty sure that is it for me. But "Matterhorn" will always stick out for me as a "memorable book"--and that is NOT a compliment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Compliments to you all, my darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Darlings, Debbie Is Having The Last Laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....And so, girls, is Elizabeth Taylor. In case you've under the curling iron too long, Eddie Fisher, the 50s crooner who was married to Debbie, Liz, and Connie Stevens, as well as father of Carrie, aka Princess Leia, passed away the other day. Darlings, I am telling you the exes are reaping their revenge. Each has outlived Eddie; even Liz, who is always problematic.

But, honey, I have always had a soft spot for Debbie, because my childhood was filled with her. From the Colorforms Debbie Reynolds Dress Designer Kit, which I used to play with religously, to her recording of "Tammy", to the film soundtrack of "The Singing Nun," Debbie was there at almost every life stage. My personal favorite was "French Heels" on the flip side of "Tammy"--

"...But at night I put my French Heels on,
And I pretend I'm twenty-one!"

Girls, you know I do, and you know that I still am!!!!!!!!! Well, twenty-four actually!!!!!!!!!

The point here, darlings is that while we all remember Eddie's handsome young looks and voice--even that maudlin "Oh, My Papa", which my hometown radio station used to play every goddamn Father's Day, no one seems to be missing him personally. Guess he missed out on being Bitch Of The Week!!!!!!! Or maybe he heard about this blog, and died because he was too frightened of being singled out on it! Well, Eddie, hon, nothing singles one out more than Death, except Birth, so who's got the last laugh now! Hi, Debbie; let's have lunch!!!!!!!!!

So, lamb chops, I am telling you, say a Kaddish for Eddie and then have a corned beef on rye with Matzoh ball soup, cole slaw and lots of pickles!!!!!! Strictly Kosher, now!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kiss, kiss, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I Have Had A Spiritual Vision!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, girls, I am not talking about like when Jennifer Jones beheld the BVM in "The Song Of Bernadette;" I mean, can you imagine? I am hardly worthy of such an honor. Nevertheless, I did have a Heavenly visitiation the other day, and by someone recently deceased--barely three months.

There I was at the dentist, with the lovely Monsieur Davide waiting in support of the emotional trauma I was going through over my much needed deep cleaning. My tax person, Donna, who is an inspiration, told me to go someplace in my mind while in the chair. The first thing I saw in my vision was the exterior, with the perfectly manicured tropical foilage and lawn, of the one floor house from "The Golden Girls!!!!" Darlings, you know I love it!

Suddenly, from out of the mists, stepped the great Rue McClanahan, dressed in my favorite Blanche Devereux outfit; the one I want to wear the most--the bright blue top with the flowing floral patterened skirt. You can see it twice in the show's opening credits. Beaming that famous Rue smile, I heard her say to me, in her best Blanche voice, "Oh huuuuuuuuuney, it's gonna be fahhhhhhhhhhne!!!!!!!!!!!" and I knew at that instant it would. And it was, and I have lived to tell about it.

Now, I might mention this at Dignity, but I am not sure if the Roman Catholic Church would sanction a vision from a show business celebrity. But Rue did play a nun on stage and in televsion in various incarnations of "Nunsense," so she does actually have some credibility with the Divine!!!!!! In terms of cannonization, as far as I am concerned, she has performed her first miracle (a saint needs three), but who knows, I may not be the first. Perhaps others elsewhere have had visions of Rue McClanahan. They must abound in Florida nurinsing homes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let us all be inspired by the joyous spirit and the brilliant acting that was Rue McClanahan. She can guide us through this life, no matter if we are putting on a party frock, or washing dishes--which I actully saw her do in last night's episode!!!!!!! Now, I am washing dishes!!!!!!! I mean, who would have thought it????????

So, girls, I made it through the dental visit the other day, plus I was blessed with the beatific presence of Rue. That is beatific lambs, not beautician.
Meanwhile, I know some of you out there need to get to the latter, because we all need to look our best, just as Rue did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to all, my darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Darlings, I Think Nancy Was A Lesbian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, girls, I am not talking about Nancy Reagan, or Nancy Walker or Marchand, or even Nancy in "Oliver Twist." I am talking about Ernie Bushmiller's "Nancy," the comic book child who lived with her Aunt Fritz, who had the most glamorous figure and hairstyle, encased in the most form fittng forties looking polka dot dresses. Aunt Fritz came off to me resembling Maureen O'Hara in the 1947 film "Miracle On
34th Street." Alas, Nancy was not so fortunate. With her spikey short hair, rounded body, and same vest and dress combo, there was something oddly butch about her appearance. And hanging out with someone like Sluggo--you just had to question her social instincts. It all point, I think, to Nancy growing up to be a lesbian--the beans n' frank kind who tend bar, drink beer and belch. Let me tell you, I have seen pics of some of these types when they were little girls, and there was nothing at all cute about them. They looked, in fact, like varying vaersions of Nancy, which is how over time I came to form this opinion. And, girls, you know WE all went for Aunt Fritz, whose glamour and decor we wanted to emulate. I don't know if Ernie Bushmiller was doing all this intentionally, or whether he based Nancy on a real child or daughter, but I can tell you, if so, that child or daughter, if still alive, is now LESBIAN!!!!!!!!!!! Hanging out in anti-Men bars all evening, fleeing to their disgusting lairs at dawn like a cauldron of obese vampires, having spent the night making themselves and everyone they come into contact with miserable--this was the future awaiting Nancy. So the next time you read her, think of her as a gay pioneer. For her time, she did advance things; it is unfortuante so many now have not chosen to move beyond this.

Beware all evil lesbians, darlings!!!!!! Hide from them at your nearest Lord and Taylor. You can bet they would never come near such a place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Diesel, diesel, my darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, "The Golden Girls" Show Us The Way!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, who would have thought this retro sitcom could be a path to spiritual salvation? But like a bolt of lightning, it came to me the other night while I was watching some old episodes with the lovely Monsieur Davide. I recall in another time and place, with another David, I watched it in primetime, never thinking it would become a life mantra. But as I and other baby boomers age, it seems we are going from watching "The Golden Girls" to BECOMING "The Golden Girls." Or in my case, loves, "The Golden Gays."

I am telling you, it was like having a vision. I truly felt like Jennifer Jones in "The Song Of Bernadette" as these realizations swept over me. I had always found Rue McClanahan fascinating as an actress, and she was the most glamorous, so I always knew, darlings that I had to be Blanche. And now it looks like I am going to, with my lovely Monsieur Davide as Rose. Except Monsieur Davide is hardly ditsy, though he is taken his own sweet time in reading "The Corrections," loves.

Don't we just love that one floor house exterior that opens each episode.
And the golden sky, with the plane flying? Makes me feel safer about air travel. And the city of Miami as the plane swoops down. Who ever thought I would view this locale in any kind of favorable light? And the brightly colored pastel kitchen and houses, the cups of coffee--you better believe it, here, doll!!-- and those cheesecakes????? And on them in never showed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let us all be insprired by "The Golden Girls," which tells us to embrace the life we have and have the fun we can!!!!!!! And I intend to keep doing Rue's walk as long as I am able!!!!!!!! Maybe even into the dentist office this afternoon!!!!!!!!!

So, as we age, sweeties, let us embrace our inner Golden Girl. Whether you are Blanche, Doorothy, Rose or Sophia, this is the way to go, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you at the Early Bird special, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, It Just Doesn't Stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, you have to feel a bit sorry for poor Joanthan Franzen. He writes the most outstanding book of the year, yet there are bozos out there who just can't seem to take it. For the second time this year, another anti-Franzenite, Mr. B.R. Meyers (the initals supposedly stand for Brian Reynolds, but I think they should be B.S. for Bull Shit!!!) has been awarded this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award.

Mr. Reynolds fancies himself an academic, so much so, that, unable to get a job in the States, he has to fly over to....Korea????? What about London, or Paris, or Rome???? I mean, even Dublin; come on!!!!!!! He is also a contributing editor to The Atlantic (Monthly) and in the current issue he reviews Mr. Franzen's noteworthy book, "Freedom." His is one of the few negative reviews the book has gotten.

Now, darlings, even though I am always right, I cannot stop others from expressing opinions I disagree with. At least, not yet; but I am working on it. So the fact that Meyers reveiws the book disparagingly is not what bothers me. It is that, like his less erudite fellow writer Jennifer Weiner, he seems to review not the book, but Jonathan Franzen. Now, it is true that much of "Freedom" reflects Franzen's world view; any author's work inevitably does. It seems that Meyers, like Weiner, is so bent out of joint that ANYONE BORN IN AMERICA would DARE to express such a NEGATIVE world view as Franzen that they just can't take it, and go after him on it. I guess they don't want to admilt that America is as fucked up as Franzen is tellilng us it is; I knew that by age 20. Then, again, I was never a Republican, so maybe Weiner and Meyers are. It is certainly a Republican/TeaParty mentality to accept the world with contentment, not questioning the rotten shape we are in on every front, even the entertainment one, where the media glutted culture, instead of yielding more innovative work, yeilds dumbed down stuff that earns adulation from the even more dumbed down masses, whose outlook Weiner and Meyers embody. Someone once said truth tellers get killed, and I can attest; when I spoke out as a youth against my generation, you would have thought I was going to get crucified. Which I would have been if my posturings had reached the national level of Franzen's. And you want to know something???? I would have said "Bring it on; I LOVE it!!!!!!!!" I will take on every White Trash American moron that I have had to deal with from kindergarten on up. And Jonathan Franzen, being SO in the public eye, is coming into this treatment simply for daring to speak the truth. Or what he sees as the truth, which is what I see, because it IS the truth. But even if it isn't, few seem to go after Weiner and Meyers for their views; oh, no, everyone goes after Jonathan Franzen!!!!!!!

I say to Hell with all you gun totin' Republican based Tea Party spoouting morons!!!!! Shove a dildo up your asses, and unclog your brains!!!!! It seems B.R. Meyers brain is very clogged, so go back to Korea and have your Saki and your Cho Cho San. The heat is on in Saigon for you, darling!!!!!!! This bitch scorns YOU, you bitch!!!!!!!!!!!

But being a bitch is SUCH fun, girls, as we all know. So you have to hand it to Meyers for being our Bitch Of The Week!!!!!!! Now, will everyone please get off Jonathan Franzen's case, because neither his or my world view is going to change. And neither is the other side. So why don't you all just accept that and SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you at teatime, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Girls, I Have Had It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, last night we were on the aisle at the Royale Theatre for "Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson," which is such a bloody mess I do not know where to begin. How much longer are we going to be subjected to these scoreless shows devoid of music, feeling, and filled with choreography that involves young people jumping up and down and sexually posturing? Even in burlesque they had more class.

Of course, the REAL story is why Mamie Gummer, daughter of the Divine La Streep, who appeared in this show downtown at the Public, did not transfer to Broadway with the cast? I mean, a chance to play Broadway in what, despire what I have beens aying so far, looks to be a hit, and she turns it down???? I wonder if Mamma Meryl cornered her for some Girl Talk, and told Mamie not to do this pretentious piece of crap????? Or MAYBE, just MAYBE, the stork is circling overhead???? Because I just found out Mamie hapeens to be engaged to the show's star, Benjamin Walker!!!!! Hope Meryl has been counseling Mamie in the sex department. What if Mamie had to drop out because she is preganat????? Now, I don't have this info for sure, so at this point it is theory and conjecture, but it would explain why Mamie is not on board with the Broadway company.

Honey, it's not "HAIR!" Though it tries its darndest to be, from staging to costumes, to politcal stance. Listen, kids, I am a Baby Boomer; I was there when "HAIR" happened. I get THIS show. I even agree with it, philosophically. I just do not like the one it is executed. More pointed, I do not like the formless, shapeless sounds it calls music that are thrown at us. Not much different from "American Idiot" (but thankfully not as loud) or that overrated garbage called "Spring Awakening," which had the nerve to win a Tony award.

Let me tell you, few things are as vicous as a Disgrunteled Theatre Queen, and this queen has HAD it with gimmicky rock based MTV shows on Broadway. Though I still say it is just a phase--like Britain, like Disney. This too shall pass--but let's hurry up alredy, huh????? Meanwhile, most of the crowd seemed to be eating it up, and the giggly Sex And The City wannabes behind us were laughing it up like they were seeing Noel Coward, whom they would not recognize if it was placed in front of them.

The post theater dinner, at Johnny Shanghai, was better than the show. And you would not believe the people beaating each other to the exits at the end of the show. One of the longest 90 minutes I have sat through. The 12 hours I spent on Sunday watching the 'SVU' marathon moved faster than this.

Now, let's get back to personal matters. So Mamie is engaged to Benjamin, huh?
Pretty sweet deal for the guy--you marry Mamie's daughter, and your career skyrockets!!!!!! Is it true love, or just a career boost? How can Mamie be sure??? In this sense she is in a rather vulnerable position, and I am sure Meryl has told her to watch out. But as star turning as Walker's turn in the show was, he does not seem like a world beater as an actress, so even if he and Mamie tie the knot, if things go south, you can bet his career will, too. At leat Gwyneth married a rocker, who was certainly not going to compete with Blythe!!!!!!!!!!!!! And whose career in his own field was secure enough that he did not need to use her as a springboard.

The bottom line, girls, is that we wish Mamie well, hope Meryl keeps an eye out--damn straight she will!!!!!!!!--and that musing on all this kept our mind from not numbing out during this otherwise numbing show.

May all our trips to or down the aisle be positive than this!!!!!!!!!

Toodles, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I Don't Know What Happened, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess we were interrupted, darlings, so picking up where we left off, it is time to talk about David Brooks' Op-Ed piece on Jonathan Franzen in today's New York Times. The buzz on "Freedom" simply won't stop.

Mr. Brooks cites the acclaim of "Freedom," but I detect a bit of backlash between the lines. He says, In a smart, though overly biting review in The Atlantic, B.R. Meyers porotests against the casual and adolescent language Franzen sometimes uses to create his world." And that world is what people like Meyers do not want to acknowledge exists; where, in Brooks' words, "an America where the important, honest, fundamental things are being destroyed or built over--and people are left to fumble about, not even aware of what they have lost."

This is The Raving Queen talking now--those who are not aware were never aware of what they had to lose in the first place, because they chose to embrace nothing. This is the dumbed down vision of America that the baby boomer generation created, with its emphasis on technology and subsequent lack of feeling to the degree of all else. These are people for whom if the Internet vanished tomorrow could not function. Who think technology have all the answers. Such people are not only dumb, they are afflicted with major personality disorders; forget Borderline, honey, that is just the tip of the iceberg and are serial killer wannabes. Brooks finishes his piece by saying Franzen's American vision lacks "an alternative vision of the higher ground." When things like Facebook and Twitter are viewed as alternatives America is indeed in a sad state, supply just a means for the disonnected to connect without upping any of their social interaction skills. Kiss my ass, you techno jerks!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been saying this about America for years, darling! But you know I am such a bitch!!!!!!!!!! And I just LOVE it!!!!!!!!! Franzen says it elogquently and without being a bitch. Now if only those who NEED to listen to him would, instead of disciples like me who already recognize what he says is true!!!!!! If those who were in the NEED came over to THIS side, there MIGHT be hope for America. Hell, as long as those of us who feel this way do, there IS hope. It is just that the battle will take longer.

Remember that surprise ending of the 1968 "PLanet Of The Apes". We are slowly heading in that direction now. Not in our lifetime, darlings. I mean, what would Anna and Grace do??????

So stand up against the social injustice of technological bred ignorance!!!!!!!!! Meantime, girls, I will see you on the aisle at "Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson." I will give you a full report, tomorrow, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sip sip those drinks, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back To Hell We Go, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, darlings, we are not going anywhere, but can you believe it has already been six months since Propserina came up from Hades to visit her mother Ceres???? I am sure those two had a great time at the beach, shopping, drinking coffee, and doing basically what all us mortal girls do, but now it is time for Properina to return to Hell and spend six months with her husband. Pluto????? Yes, loves, six months with her husband in Hell, which IS Hell--and they call this heterosexuality.

So, to put a positive spin on things we celebrate Prosperina's departure with the arrival of Fall--which means, fashions, galas, street fairs, and cozy cider saturated evenings with Monsieur Davide. The myth holds that Ceres' tears cause leaves to fall, trees to wither and snow to come. Honey, if life were a myth I would be Queen of All I Survey, and not just on this blog. But we have to go where we can succeed, loves, so let us wish Propserina a successful voyage, as we look forward to her return, come Spring. So sexy, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And before we say a fond farewell to Summer 2010, let me say it was one of the hottest ever!!!!! I know this for a fact, girls, because I spent most of it indoors. I mean, it was too hot sometimes even to sit outside--which is why I did not make even ONE attempt to see ANYTHING at the Delacorte. If the show was indoors and AC, I was fine, otherwise, forget it! Honey, it is all I can do with these hot flashes; I do not need any more heat coursing throughout my body. But the summer was fun, from Monsieur Davide, to "Sondheim On Sondheim" to "Piranha 3-D," all with Monsieur Davide, so how could the summer NOT be fun, in spire of the heat! Here is wishing for a cool and fun filled Autumn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me now, say girls, I am almost done with the TRAUMA of last weekend, because this morning I found myself making an effort to do the Rue McClanahan walk from "The Golden Girls." Rue was the girl we loved the most, and always wanted to be, though, I am telling you, Miss Betty White is having the last laugh on everyone!!!!!! Go, Betty!!!!! I still have the trauma of the DENTIST to get through, so please wish me well, darlings: I survived the first cleaning, I hope I can the other. I am banking on the other one not taking as long, because there does not appear to be as much on my left side as my right, but time will tell.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Darlings, We Have Had Such Drama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, so much has happened over the past several days, I bearly have the strength to record it. But, as Monsieur Davide tells me, I owe it to my fans, my girls to explain. I am telling you, I am severely TRAUMATIZED!!!!!!!!

As you know, darlings, on Thursday we had this storm, that some are saying was a tornado. Now, I saw no evidence of it. I mean, no repressed spinster lesbian bitches on bicycles went flying by, or anything, and where I was in the city, it raiend torrentially for about twenty minutes, and that was that. It has happened before. But, as I was leaving work to voluntteer at the Center, I heard the annoucnement that the #7 train was not running at all. This has happened before, too; I figured, big deal, by the time I finish my gig at 9, and dine with Monsieur Davide afterwards, things will be running smoothly again.

I could not be more wrong. Not only wasn't the #7 running, so weren't many other subway lines, and the LIRR. So there was no question what I was going to do--stay overnight at Monsieur Davide. Which turned out to be the right thing to do, because when we go there, we turned on the TV, and saw hundreds of stranded people--at Penn Station, on LIRR locales, and in subways. Darlings, I mean, how could they take a shower? I hope some were carrying moisturizer!!!!!! Anyway, the night passed tranquilly, as it always does at Monsieur Davide's--and I went on to work on Friday. That evening was Yom Kippur eve, so Monsieur was gong to services, and I hadn't been home in awhile to straighten things out. And with all the reports of the storm doing dammage, as I returend home, I felt like Vivien Leigh as Scarlett, wondering if Tara would still be standing.

Well, like in the film, it was, and I was relieved. Nothing looked wrong with the building, and the streets all aound me looked like there had never even been a storm. Power was on everywhere. THEN I walked in to my place. At first, all looked fine, then I looked to the left, into my living room. OH MY GOD, DARLINGS!!!!!!!!!!!

Papers were scattered all about. The shade of my front right living room window--the one nearest the wall--had been torn off, and pieces of it had flown into the kitchen. Worst, that bottom window pane had falllen out, and was lying flat, balanced miraculously by my radiator on one side, and tea table on the other. Thank God for tea, girls. I am telling you, I felt like I was living through Katrina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now it gets worse. I had the presence of mind to call the super. I thought about whether or not I could do anything about the window myself, but MY GOD, I needed a MAN!!!!!!!! But would you believe, I tried three times to reach the super; even went downstaris and knocked on his door????? NOTHING?????? That is when, girls, I became hysterical!!!!!!!! I mean, you would have thought the cuticle on my third finger was slightly uneven, which, God forbid, it was not!!!!!!
I called Monsieur Davide; I got his message machine and left one. He called me, and I dissolved in tears. I had several options--run over there, spend the night there alone, or have David come over. Needless to say, David came over. What a sweet thing he is!!!!!!!!! Now, lambs, I had been thinking of what to do with the window myself, but you know how we girls need a MAN!!!!!!!!! So, when he arrived, I just cried into his big, strong arms, because, girls, I was SEVERLY TRAUMATIZED!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, he put me at ease, by simply being able to pop the window pane back into place, and before you knew it, things felt like home again.

Of course, Monsieur Davide spent the night, so after coffe, darlings, because, after all, caffeine is one of MY basic food groups, we tackled the issue of the APARTMENT. Sweeties, it was like Suellen O'Hara working in the fields at Tara--my back was nearly broken, and my hands! Oh, MY GOD, my hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I have to admit by the end of the day, things looked so homey and organized. Make me excited.

Nevertheless, Saturday eve we headed out to the Village and his place, and as we left, I noticed one of my neighbors carrying a new mattress up the stairs. I learned that the storm had shattered both his bedroom windows, and ruined his bed. Darlilngs, even though I felt like I need FEMA, I realized how lucky I was. Well, we high tailed it back to the Village, where I just cried and writhed in emotional truama, while Monsieur Davide did everything in his power to comfort me. Which meant we stayed in all day on Sunday, and I watched the 'SVU Marathon." There was this one about a family who had lost a daughter named Heather, and it turend out that her psychotic, drug addict sister Nikki, had killed her, and her enabling mother had covered for her. Let me tell you, that Nikki was one piece of work. I was glad to see her arrested, and I hope she gets hauled off to a facility where not only will she get rehab but do time with a gay prison guard who will turn out to be a Rue McClanahan wannabe, and will make her over into something more presentable than she was!!!!! I mean, prison has to be good for something!!!!!!!!!! Why not glamour?????????????

I was just comatose all day in front of the TV, trying to get my strength back. Somehow I rallied out of bed and to her, darlings, where I am taking it easy, hoping my migraine goes out to sea, like the storm on Thursday did. But if another thing in my apt goes--straight I go to Monsieur Davide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I hope my future weekends are not this drama fraught. And I hope yours are not, either. Meanwhile curl up in your quilit and chill out, dears, while we get rid of that stress chill!!!!!!!!!

Honey, you have no idea!!!!!!!! Bring on a pitcher of chilled Bloody Marys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Darlings, I Have My Reputation To Protect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is no secret, girls, that I am DYING to read the new Patti Lupone memoir; after all, I have seen Patti so many times onstage, and we are both showstoppers ourselves, lambs!!!! However--and this came up during conversing with the lovely Monsieur Davide--I will read the book, but I cannot have it in my house. That is becuase my shelves consist of only the finest literature and classics; my God, what if someone broke in to rob me, and I had trash on my shelves??? You think I could show my face in public again? Oh, and by the way, I DO have some Philip Roth on my shelf, but there is no way I will have "Portnoy's Complaint." That yellow cover is coda for masturbation, and I certainly don't want to be thought of by super, thieves, or visiting friends as being anything less than pure and innocent!!! I mean, I am like Miss Dorothy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I wonder what I will be facing, what with the storm we had yesterday. Sweeties, I never made it home last night; thank God for Monsieur Davide; otherwise I might have been sitting waiting all night for a train to leave, and be so bummed out I would not have been able to troop in and work, let alone blog. So I hope my reputed books are awaiting me intact, and that no windows in my place were broken. We shall see!!!! To think when I was a child and first beheld "The Wizard of Oz," I wanted tornadoes; now they can just stay away. And what are we doing get such things in this region???? I am telling you, girls, it is the coming of the Apocalyspe, so you better get your designer things in gear, so that when The End comes you will look good. Honey, let me tell you, no party was as important for looking good as the forthcoming Last Judgement. So you had better get your outfits in line!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, I am looking forward to a quiet, relaxing weekend, before facing anoather frantic week, which includes a return visit to the dentist. Dent this, bitch!!!!!!!!!!! So have yourselves a great time off, girls, and remember that Divinity (not fudge) is the ultimate reason to look your best!!!!!!!!!!!

See you in Heaven, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Darlings, Have You Heard About "Darling????????"

Girls, it simply the most DARLING little dress and accessory shop in the West Village at 1 Horatio Street. The outside is a delicate pale green (not the pea soup kind that Linda Blair spit up in "The Exoricist; much more attractive!), and when you walk into the spacious but amply abundant store, with all those divans one can curl on, you feel like one of the Schnagel sisters in "Howard's End." I know I did, loves!!!!!!! It is also the place I am urging all you Miss Dorothy wannabes--and I know you are out there, darlings, wanting to sing and dance your way through life in great dresses, pearls, and hats, and let me tell you, I am ahead of all in line there--where the dresses are so colorful and flowing, they would do our role model proud. Bring your checkbook, or don't; like Miss Dorothy, get someone else to pay for it!!!!! They won't care at Darling, as long as they get their cash!!!!!!!!!!

But, really, they could not be more charming there, short of serving tea and scones, with clotted cream, which, after Darling catches on, as I predict it will, especially after this blog posting, they will be obligated to. Hell, for a designer knockoff discount, I might be willing to serve the tea myself!!!!!!!!!!!

So I am urging all my lovely darlings to get down to Darling, where you will have the dress experience you have always craved. And how appropos during Fashion Week!!!!!!!!

See you at Darling, girls!

Darlings, This Bitch Needs To Beat It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to confess, girls, it was looking bad this morning, as by 9am I absolutely had NO bitch for this week!!!!! Several fictititious candidates had been mulled over, but real bitches are so much more fun because they are out there, and can be more appreciative of the honor than the fictitious--unless tha latter was a film character embodied by an actress, in which case, the actress, is still living, would be thrilled. Too bad Judith Anderson has been dead for years--she would LOVE being named for playing Mrs. Danvers!!!!!!!!!

Our winner this week is worthy of a good slap in the face from Mrs. D, were she around. This week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award goes to....Delaware's Republican (of course!) Senate Primary Winner, Christine O' Donnell.

Where do I start? This hypocritical Tea Partyer is of Irish descent, so right away she gives those of us who are--like yours truly, darlings--a bad name! With her negative stances on abortion and--OMG!!!!!!!--masturbation, she is a throwback to the stereotyped notions of Irish sexual hangups--the Irish have sex ONLY to have children, they have it but don't TALK about it, a woman does NOT enjoy it, an Irish woman is paralyzed from the neck down--honey, it just never stops, and when you have someone in office taking such a stance, well, before you know it, we will have those Magdalene asylums resurected. Wonder if Christine advocates those???? My guess is she would, because when it comes to being offensive to others female Tea Partyers towards their own sex are some of the worst. Though there is another 0'Donnell I cannot stand--Rosie the Riveter--she needs to give Christine a good belt in the mouth, which I am sure she could go. I certainly despise Rosie for being White Trash, but philosophically she has more sense than her classier clad counterpart, Christine. Yes, girls, with her smiling, wholesome appearance and power suited careerism that smacks of sexual hypocrisy, Christine 0'Donnell is a perfect candidate for Bitch Of The Week. With her in office, Delaware's population could very well shrink to below that of Rhode Island's!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only thing we need to shrink is our dress size, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Girls, Can You Believe It Is The Middle Of The Month???????????

Darlings, seems like yesterday I was singing "Picnic" and "See You In September," and here we are halfway through. Let me note two things from yesterday--the release of Patti LuPone's book, "Patti LuPone, A Memoir," and, lambs, if you think I am a bitch on here, I cannot WAIT to hear some of Patti's bitchy backstage stories. From my own limited experience, I know the theateer has more bitches per capita than any other, except maybe lawyers!!!!!!! I am sure Miss Patti is going to grind Mr. Lloyd "Troll" Webber into the ground, like the Rumpelstilskin he is!!!!!!!!! Hats off to Patti, loves, who at her best, can outdo this bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now a dark tidbit from MY childhood. Yesterday was the 88th anniversary of the most notorious crime prior to the Lindebergh kidnapping--the Hall-Mills Murder. On September 14, 1922, the Rev. Hall and Mrs. Mills, who had been having adulterous relations for awhile, were shot and cut, their bodies found two days later, placed side by side beneath the nation's most notorious crabapple tree, which was soon gone by those hungering for a sordid collection memento. All this took place about 15 mintues from where I grew up, in Highland Park, New Jersey. The victims and possibly the perps (whom my paternal grandmother, and I, were convinced were Mrs. Hall and her two brothers, who were acquitted due to weatlthy family connections--ie; Johson and Johnson) were residents of New Brunswick in Middlesex County, but the murder site was in Somerset County, so a media frenzy ensued. It is said that there is even some reference to this incident at the end of Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby;" I may have to read that again, girls, just to glean that. A then up and coming attorney, William Kuntsler, published in 1964 the definitive chronicling of the crime, "The Minister And The Choir Singer," though his theory of culpablility is pure hogwash and kissing up to New Burnswick (where he was attending Rutgers Law School) officials. It is a mystery to me why this has never been dramatized. For many, it is a footnote in crime history, but, when you grew up, as I, hearing about it all the time, and seeing it profiled annually in the local rag, it seeps into your consciousness. Now, of course, whodunnit may never be solved but my certainity tells me it was the aforementioned, just as it tells me to this day that it was Patsy who killed daughter JonBenet. But that is another story, darlings!!!!!!!!!!

Just six days of summer left, and then Prosperina goes back to Hell!!!!! Don't you go following after her, girls! We have galas, openings, book signings, fashion and more coming up this season. So stay tuned, loves and prioritize!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Girls, You Won't Believe What Anna Has Been Up To!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I canot believe this, but the word on the Street is that Anna has been skipping many Fashion Week events to spend more time at the U.S. Open. We know she plays tennis at 5:45 each morning, which is one way how she retains that Anna figure. Hell, at that hour that is when I am simultaneously saying "Fuck you!" to my alarm going off, while inwardly expressing gratitude for another day on Earth. Such is the way of MY life, girls!!!!!!!!!!!

But I have to wonder--if Anna isn't there, who IS???? Hoepfully, Grace, because as we know, lambs, no one knows her color blocking better. My fear is that VOGUE's resident court jester Andren Leon "Talley-Ho!" is on the beat. I mean, whatever happened to the likes of Danny Kaye in "Lady In The Dark?" Now, THERE was a presentable court jester. Talley-Ho is like a human verion of Mr. Hankee, the talking Christmas poo from "South Park," and while Andre may be more hygenically sound, Mr. Hankee is a bit more articulate and erudite. So let us hope for the best that Grace has been filling in for Anna!!!!!!!!!

I want to ask my lambs--what is it about Tuesdays??????? First, I call my father this morning, and get a full report on rectal bleeding that has me so worried I am ready to hop a plane to Florida, which, as you know, dolls, is the LAST place I want to be. Then my commute turns out to be Hell-ish, what with a delayed, stalled train and mobs of commuters scrambling for whatever they can get, like the Russians fleeing Moscow in "Doctor Zhivago." If only I looked like Julie Christie!!!!!!!!!! Yes, girls, as glamorous as you may all think it is--this is MY life!!!!!!!!!

Of course Tuesday turns out to be the busiest, most demanding day of the week, so God knows what I am in for!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I should hit the tennis courts like Anna. But haven't lifeted a rackett in 30 years, you can bet my backhand is lacking!!!!!! And no way in HELL am I doing tennis, or anything at 5:45 am!!!!!!!!!! My girls haven't even taken off their face masks yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But don't leave them on too long girls; you don't want to look like the Phantom Of The Opera!!!!!!

Kiss Kiss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Well, Girls, We'Ve Made It Through Another One!!!!!!!

....Another September 12, that is. Yes, darlings, once again, tradition was continuted when, at 1PM, I trooped over to the IFC Center, which those of us of a certain age still know as the Waverly, and stood in my tradtional spot, and sang once more, "Frank Mills" from "Hair" which is my annual tribute to Shelley Plimpton, who today is more known as the mother of Martha (Plimpton), but wo became a Legend Of The Musical Stage in the orginal cast of "Hair", where she first introduced this.

I was accompanied this year, loves, not by my friend Angela (who has been heard from; more on that later), but by the lovely Monsieur Davide. I noticed during my performance he was doing something with his cell phone/technological apparatus, which I had no problem with; my problem now is that when I went on it this morning, I disocvered I was not on YouTube!!!!!!!!! Granted, it was not my best rendition of the song, but when you are second to Shelley Plimpton, no one is going to complain, I noticed that two women of my generation walking by seemed to smile and point, as if recognizing what I was doing, which I am sure they did. But to think it did not go on YouTube!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps another time, when my rendiltion may be better, though I certainly did an OK one. Honey, I have been doing "Frank Mills" for over 30years; I can sing it in my sleep!!!!!!!!

It was a lovely cool day for it, followed by a trek out to Rego Park, to visit Monsieur Davide's friend Beatrice, who simply looked fabulous, with her Julianne Moore-like hair, having reached the grand old age of 98 on September 9. My vocals were required , and I regaled her with the classic "Life Upon The Wicked Stage" from the classic "Show Boat." Then we were emotionally exhausted, and trooped back to the Village, where I was still suffering from MY CONDITION as a result of the dentist's office. Nothing helps more than a "Law and Order SVU Marathon," and even though my faves were not rerun, it was great to see the gang crack down on crime in this city. They need to do something about those Vicious Opera Queens. I would like to see an episode set in the balcony at the Metropolitan Opera, or with lesbians on a Saturday night in Hernrietta Hudson's bar!!!! Now THAT would be someting--the Opera boys ogling over Chris Meloni, the Henrietta gals trembling over Mariska!!!!!!!! Come on, I mean, NOT Dan Florek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But a new week awaits us, with literature and such, but no dentist THIS week. Having survived the ordeal, and feeling so COOL and CLEAN orally, I want to get the second side over with, which I will a week from Thursday. Meanwhile, girls, keep your eyes peeled to this blog because I certainly have a Bitch for you this week. And I will give you a hint--this week's winner has been mentioned in some earlier posts!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Hunting, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Darlings, We Will Not Be Intolerated Or Plotted Against!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, borrowing from a famous line of Bette Davis' in "All About Eve," I want to call your attention to something that I came across only recently. I am talking about the July 30. 2010 suicide death of Kevin Morrissey, age 52.

Yes, dears, a Baby Boomer Bites The Dust. But the circumstances are even more telling out of the hitherto erudite University of Virginia.

Kevin, for at least seven years, was the Managing Editor of VQR, aka Virigina Quarterly Review, a staid, literary magazine. His boss, Ted Genoways, 38, darlings, just to look at him he looks dangerous--a real redneck, bullshit macho orator who probably masquerades as a litterati, while pounding pussy on the side to show he is NOT gay. Well, he does wear a wedding ring, but interestingly, no one mentions a wife.

On the morning of July 30, Kevin, who admittedly suffered from lifelone clinical depression, found it had escalated to an intolerable degree, in good part by how Genoways was treating him. From disdain, to harassment, to hiring a 24 year old intern named Alan Levinson La Brosse (????? What kind of faux name is that, loves????) whose assests, shall we say, went beyond the merely academic. Then Genoways ensconces her desk in HIS office, with the door often shut, and before you can say finanical malfeasance, all sorts ot things are happening. Uh HUH.

But there are things The Raving Queen knows that are not being said. Like why shut the door, what is there to hide????? Like is this incident a tad homophobic???? No one is saying if Kevin Morriseey was gay--but no one says he wasn't. He was a sensitive, depressed soul, who was never married. To me that means gay!!!!!!!!! He also loved his job, and except for Genoways, his coworkers loved him. One. Waldo Jaquith, promptly resigned from the mag, which will now soon become a RAG, over Morrissey's death.

Why is workplace bullying here, especially as it might relate to homophobia, being tolerated? How many times--18--in one week before his death--did Morrissey have to call and not get a coherent response. Why is the very idea of homophobia, that seems to be lurking behind all this, not being discussed at all?????

The Raving Queen is on the beat, honey, and will report back anything it finds. In the meantime, readers tell me what you think, even if you think Genoways is right. I will take down YOU bitches!!!!!!!!!!!! But rest assured, Mr. Genoways will suffer some kind of comeuppance for this. He may not take responsibility for Kevin Morrisey's death, but its blight will be on his record forever!!!!!!!!!!

Ha Ha, you prick!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't prick yourselves with those hat pins, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can You Believe It Has Been Nine Years, Darlings?????????????

It seems like only yesterday, girls, that our city changed forever. In the wake of what happened on this day, the world stopped--even ANNA--and watched and mourned. The baby boomer generation, mine, now adds this date to November 22" as part of the litany, "Where were you when you heard.......?" Better than that Bush's embarassing and still oft recollected quote, "Is our children learning???" Yes, sweethearts; he said it on THIS day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you read this, loves, you know how cutting edege I can be. Well, after finishing Mr. Franzen's "Freedom," which places partial repsonsibility of our remembrance of this day on Haliburton (and I agree!!!!!!!!) I then turned to "Incendiary," the earlier novel by Chris Cleave, author of that staggering work, "Little Bee." It could not be more prescient--an epistolary letter from a wife/mother to "Osama" regarding her husband and son being eradicated in a terrorist attack at a sports stadium. If we don't learn, girls, history will keep repeating itself!!!!!!!!!!!

I call for a Memorial resembling the fallen tower shards that the firemen stood on, only replacing them with a statue of Meryl Streep, clad like the Columbia Pictures logo lady to show America the way it needs to go!!!!!!!!! Only then can such things be put to rest. Please, please do not destroy the Mosque or place a statue of Rosie O'Donnell on the Memorial, which is what America is just dumb enough to do!!!!!!!!!

But my girls who read this are NOT dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So on this somber day, remember how we must go forward and never repeat past mistakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And reember that this date is followed by tomorrow, which be explained subsequently!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kisses, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, What A Day We Had Yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I am telling you, to be as FABULOUS as I is no easy task, and sometimes it is just downright exhausting. Yesterday, loves, ran the emotional gamut from Torture to Torah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First, we arose early to finish the last 80 pages of Joanthan Franzen's latest opus, "Freedom." Darlings, the reaciton of this book is SO orgasmic, and the last sentence is a stunner. This is without doubt the Book of the Year and beyond. And honey, I am telling you, the role of Patty was made for Laura Linney. It could net her an Oscar. It is a more filmable book than "The Corrections," and different in style and tone. But Framzem's plethora of ideas--his anti-corporation stance, his disenchantment with techology and how it has dumbed down our culure--are right in line with MINE, lambs!!!!!!!!! This is the Voice Of An Entire Generation--mine!!!!!!!!!!

Well, girls, from this high we went straight into anxiety mode. First, I get some strange phone call about taxes on property I own in Arizona!!!!! You think I own property, loves???? IF I even did, it sure as hell would not be in Arizona. I would own in New Jersey before I thought of Arizona!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never even BEEN to Arizona, and don't give a hoot if I get there!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course we were terrified of the dentist, and put Monsieur Davide through SO much, that we are going to be extra nice to him this weekend. I had what is called a "deep cleaning!!!!" Sweeties, I prefer Deep Throat myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The procedure lasted 50 minutes, but felt longer, and then the bill!!!!!!!! But I can tell that side of my mouth is clean. In 12 days, with Monsieur Davide, I return for the other side, BUT at least now I know what I am in for!!!!!!! And that this time it will be over, and hopefully subsequent cleanings will not be that deep!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only thing I want to go deep is........well, maybe a deep dish apple pie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then we met Monsieur Davide's version of The Girls at Manatus for noshing and bitching. In my condition, it was a wonder I could walk, but at least I had St. Anna of Wintour on my shirt lapel to protect me. That is right, girls, Anna Wintour is the Patron Saint of Fashion. I bet she will be cannonized. Unlike that cheap dye job convicted felon Miss Martha Stewart, of working class Nutley, New Jersey. You heard me, girls!!!!! If she had been from MY town, she probably would have come from Goat Alley. Only she would never have succeeded as she did, becasue NO ONE from Goat Alley has ever gone anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!

From Manatus, we sprang onto Bleecker Street, and the fashion scene!!!!! Girls, you should have seen the lights, the clothes, the models. With my Anna button, you can bet everyone looked at me as though I were representing her, which I was!!!!!! At one point, we thought we saw Anna herself flashing by in a limo! I was ready to fall on my knees!!!!!!!!!!!! But we had to pick ourselves up and get to Westbeth, where we had a lovely Temple service for Rosh Hashanah. But where were Steve and Eydie??????????? Honey, let me tell you, with Madame Barbara's cantorial voice, we NEEDED Edyie badly! "Blame It On The Bossa Nova!!!!!!!"

I want you to know by service's end, I was physically and emotionally exhausted, being in a very fragile condition. So fragile that when we got home, Monsieur Davide would not let me don ANYTHING--no reading, no "Law and Order," just bed and sleep! But sometimes he is wiser than I, because this morning I feel strong and alert enough to do this blog, my mouth feels better, and tonight we will do somethibng romantic and sleep in. So there is a silver lining, girls!!!!!!!!!!

Now if I could only get a fur lining in my winter coat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to all, darlings! La Haba Shana La Toya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Girls. This Week We Have One Extreme Bitch!!!!!!!!!!

Extremism of any kind is dangerous, darlings, and I know a thing about it, from years in New York, having to deal with Vicious Opera Queens. They are like the witches in "Macbeth," only they don't speak as lyrically!!!!!!! But the winner this week is, and yes, girls, there are such things out there, even more dangerous than the VOQ's. See what happens when you step outside New York??????

The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award is the Reverend Terry Jones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reverend Jones happens to be pastor of a bogus church in Gainesville, Florida (you might know it would be in Florida!!!!!!!!!!) known as the Dove World Outreach Church!!!!! Reach this, bitch!!!!!!! I am SO insulted by having this outfit named after the Beauty Bar that I use, darlings!!!!!!!!! Bet he does not advocate the color pink, and you can bet he does not cream your skin. Hell, Jones claims to be 58when he looks closer to 75!!! His beard is scraggly, and he does not look like someone who takes a bath. I have seen more together folk in nursing homes! Maybe that is where he should be. Or, more likely, a psychiatric facility, because this idea of his to burn the Koran on September 11, just two days away, is at best insane, at worst will trigger mass hysteria and hatred not only nationwide, but especially at Ground Zero in NYC, what with all the services that day, and the Mosque controversey.

Girls, I have a better idea--let's burn Jones!!!!! Well, not really burn him, just light some matches between his toes, to make him sweat. Or hold an acetylene torch to the tip of his testicles, which will hit this hypocirtical pussyhound where he REALLY lives. I am telling you, they knew what they were doing in Salem back in 1692, and Jones is a prime example of someone who would have been raked over coals!!!!!!! Or better yet, toss him into Henrietta Hudson's on Saturday night, and lock the door, and see what is left the next morning!!!!!!!!!!

You can bet, loves, the Virgin Mary and Meryl are conferencing on this one. I would not be surprised if one steps in to take some action. Just whom at this point is anyone's guess, but Meryl does happen to be on earth already, which does give her some advantage. Meantime, girls, if any of you have religious aspirations, remember it is no excuse NOT to look fabulous. I mean, if Audrey Hepburn could pull it off, so can you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to all my flaming darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Girls, We Won't Have To Dream Alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I am telling you, what a day we had, with our dreamboat Mr. Joanathan "The Corrections" and "Freedom" Franzen. Six foot two of dreaminess in his black and grey striped shirt, tight, taut jeans showing his masculine lankiness...darlings, this is Man With Brain, which is why we love him. But of course his being cute as a button does not hurt, either.

He was all charm, graciousness, and glasses, as he signed my, and others' copies, of "Freedom." Of course, Monsieur Davide had to get into theact, saying I was his "numbeer one fan," to which I had to reply, I am NOT Kathy Bates!" Mr. Franzen charminglt quipped back, "I love Kathy Bates," and don't we all, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh. It was SO exciting, I just HAD to celebrate with some Bloody Marys at the Riviera Cafe, which, learn drom me, girls, are the best in town. I felt SO good after just two of them; I was so high spirited and vivacious; I did a complete concert program, which Monsieur Davide was fortunate enough to hear. Now, pay no attention to what he says--I was NOT drunk!!!!! Just call me Susan Hayward in "I'll Cry Tomorrow!" I feel great. Jonathan Franzen, Bloody Marys, Monsieur Davide--who could ask for anything more?????

What I want to ask of all my girls, is what kind of morons are on IMDB???? Probably the same boobs who think Glenn Beck is important!!!! So many are worked up over my defense of Harper Anderson, 'SVU's' empowered rape avenger!!!!! Harper is a role model for us all, lambs, because she shows us how to defend ourselves and look attractive at the same time. Apparently, most Americans just want to get killed, and stay ugly!!!!!!! Not me, lambs!!!!!!!!!!!

These types are not sophisticated enough for the Original Cast album of "Gypsy!!!!" I know my girls are way beyond that--you are all ready for "Valley Of The Dolls," which you and I live every day.

Honey, Iam so up I feel like Neely. So kiss my copy of "Freedom" good night, crawl in and curl up with Monsieur Davide, and live off of this day for several weeks, girls!!!!!

And wait for Bitch Of Week tomorrow!!!!!

Cheers, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig!, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, here we are back at work after a fun filled, carefree weekend, where we even resurrected (because it has not been done for awhile) the Rue McClanhan walk!!!!!!!!!!!!! We LOVE Rue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the baby ceremony, yesterday, loves, was SO touching. With little Ruby Ann the star of the whole event. Imagine--the first time The Raving Queen has been upstaged by a child!!!!!!!!!! Just wait till she hits that ballet barre. And of course Audrey looked stunning, the hair as perfect as always. Cosin Manny was there, and a delight, as always!!!! A wonderful time was had by all and a joyful welcome was given Miss Ruby Ann!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, the arrival of Anna and Fashion Week is eagerly awaited. I have to call her, and find out where to meet, when we are going to have lunch, what outfits I will approve or dish...will Anna and I be on the same page???? Wait and find out for yourselves, here, loves????????????????

"Freedom" is still absorbing as always. A tough act to follow, once it is finished!!!!!!!!!!! But now, girls, we have to settle in for the fall months, and get our wardrobe ready for all the cultural and social galas of the coming season--and I don't mean "Dancing With The Stars," loves, though I think both Cousin Manny and Uncle Ernest should be featured guests on respective nights!!!!!!!!!! You can bet I would tune in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So dig the Fall scene, darlings, like the Seven Dwarves in their mine. Not the MineShaft, dears!!!!!!! Someday your Prince will come, loves; meanwhile I must tend to mine, namely Monsieur Davide. "The Golden Girls" exhausted him!!!!!!!!!!!

Swwthearts, you know WE are the REAL Golden Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Friday we have the dentist, so watch out, it could be something!!!!!!!! Pray for me, girls!!!!!!!!! Help, Mother Teresa!!!!!!!!!!!! Get me through this!!!!!!!!!!! In the name of Jennifer Jones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Girls, Take Charge Of You Life, Like Harper!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I am talking, of course, about Harper Anderson, the empowered rape victim , played by Emmy-winning Tracy Pollan in the 2,000 "Law and Order SVU" episodes, both entitled "Closure." Sweethearts, I am telling you, you do NOT mess with Harper, and I could tell even Elliot Stabler knew that!!!!! Harper is a victim's best advocate because she does not take crap from ANYONE. And she knows all too well, as you should girls that one cannot mete out Victims Advocate justice without looking FABULOUS!!!!!! So before you go out crsading, girls, make sure you look as stunning as Tracy Pollan as Harper!!!!!!

And a Happy Labor Day to everyone!!!!! Today, it is about babies, not boobies, as we are off to Audrey's to a baby naming ceremony!!!! I am sure it will be quite a turnout--even Cousin Manny!!!! And we just LOVE Cousin Manny, lambs

We are also nearing the halfway mark in Jonathan Franzen's "Freedom," which just keeps getting better and better with each page. We are also looking forward to his New York appearances, at which respect will be accorded this great literary artist.

And speaking of respect, I have to put myself together for the soiree. So bye by to summer, girls, hello to g=autumn, and stay empowered, like Harper!!!!!!

BANG!!!!!! BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Girls, We Feel Just Like Mrs. Potts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, it is Labor Day Weekend! On a picnic morning, without a warning, I am telling you!!! So far, girls, it has been FABULOUS!!!!!!!! We saw the classic "The Tingler" yesterday, with Vincent Price, the Magnificent Judith Evelyn, flying skeletons, butt buzzing seats, and images awash in LSD psychedelics. Hoe=ney, when Judith arises from the grave, there has not been so much fun since I can remember!!!!!

A walk through Little Italy last eve made me nostalgic to sit underneath a restaurant outdoors late at night, and have some wine!!!!! Which we are going to do, loves!!!!!!!!! Maybe next weekend. THIS weekend is all about relaxing with Monsieur Davide, Jonathan Franzen, Harper Anderson, and Audrey's baby-naming ceremony. Maybe Cousin Manny will be there! We LOVE Cousin Manny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And let me tell you--that Jonathan Franzen is not afraid to take on anyone or anything. The two things destroying this society is technology and obese lesbians with overly developed senses of self-importance (like the one encounteted at the Film Forum yesterday, though she was more ugly than overweight)who fancy themselves technological gurus of some sort, when in fact they are dumber than shit, or at least as dumb as those Goat Alley morons I was forced to go through school with!!!!
Listen, if the Internet, cell phones, etc. vanished tomorrow, do you think I would be done in!!!!!! Of course not--I would just go back to pen and paper, and maybe mount a soapbox at the LGBT Community Center!!!!! But others described here would be physically and emotionally paralyzed, well too bad for them!!!! What matters is Mr. Coffee and the coffee maker! Now THAT is something we cannot live without!!!!

See how Jonathan Franzen inspires us girls to write and to think???? And didn't I tell you Lauren Weisberger's hair would amount to another book published. Sweeties, just wait till I hit the presses; I can't wait to take on the backlash I will recieve from all the morons and boobs I will criticize!!!!!!!!

But I won't criticize my girls, honey!!!!!!! I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Darlings, This Is The Voice Of An Entire Generation!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, girls, we have begun Jonathan Franzen's healded novel, "Freedom," and I can tell you this Queen is raving!!!!!!!!! Not even 70pgs in and already I can tell you this is the Book Of The Year!!!!!!!!!! Staring at the title page is like seeing the Selznick logo flash on the screen when you know the film ahead is going to be "Gone With The Wind." Franzen's book has that same, sweeping pulse once it gets started. On some level it is more ighthearted than "The Coreections," but no less afraid to be socially lacerating. Which we just love, darlings, because this society of entitled baby boomers has been tanking things for years. And now finally is daring to speak out about this--namely Mr. Franzen--and some, like Miss Jennifer Weiner, are getting SO bent out of shape.

That is, if Ms. Weiner can bend to any degree. Let's face it, she is not Donna McKechnie. Hey, Jennifer, stop scarfing down cupcakes, and pay attention to the claims you make about white male writers with MFA's. Mr. Franze, a grad of Swathmore, is certainly one of the most educated American extant, but he never went through any kind of MFA program. So your whole campaign goes out the window--flush the toilet, hon, then try and flush those pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me further say, girls, that despite his being cute as a button (now don't you worry, Monsieur Davide, he is not as cute as YOU), I could care less about what Mr. Franzen does or does not do sexually, but I care a lot about what he does textually. And--OH, MY GOD!!!!!!! Nailing American suburbia to its own wall, chronicling in a female voice a real Diane Dykeman type, showing how such types and the favoritism society places on them eventually leads to their downfall, while tapping into just about everything else wrong with the Boomer generation, Mr. Franzen's prose style is sweeping and fluid, catching you by the throat and never letting go. Some have claimed it the most readable novel since "Gone With The Wind," and I am not sure they are wrong. But it is a bit more philosophically challenging (which does not mean I love GWTW any less), which is why it is creating so many divided camps. This camp, honey, is in Franzen's corner, and you can bet "Freedom" will rate a reread from me. I may assign it to my book group.

Off the lit track for a second--two bad we did not know about Amisher Chester Mast, that child rapist in Missouri. He would have made an excellent Bitch Of The Week. It is all in the timing, girls. I am certainly satisfied with Melinda Loveless because that harlot deserves HELL for what she did, and it is about time her loathsomeness was chronicled by us on her, darlings.

Now I must get back to "Freedom!" I am telling you, girls, you simply cannot show yourself in society if you haven't read it! Don't be caught short at parties this sesason, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Girls, This One Is A REAL Piece Of Work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What was it about the 90's that producecd such bitches????? Susan Smith, Daphne Adbula, Pamela Smart, Mary Kay Letourneau.....all shceming, duplicitious, and except for Letourneau murderous.........bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While Susan Smith would be an obvious choice, less obvious but no less a piece of work than Smith is our winner this week. The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award is...........Melinda Loveless!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, you couldn't ask for a better surname. A TV writer couldn't make it up. But let me tell you, it is genuine and it fits. Never has a name been so appropos.

Melinda Loveless, who is serving a 60 year prison term, which will hopefully be extended so she can rot there, wss the instigator in the 1992 Madison, Indiana murder of twelve year old Shanda Sharer.

On the evening of January 11, 1992, Shanda Sharer, then twelve, was joyriding with Melinda and cohorts Laurie Tackett, Hope Rippey and Toni Lawrence, was bound, gagged, taken to a deserted, wooded area known to residents as "the Witch's Castle" where she was torutured beyond endurance, set fire to, burned, and left to die. Nice, huh?

There is so much wrong with this story, hon, one does not know where to begin. LEt's start with Shanda. What was a 12 year old girl doing hanging around and going out late evenings with four girls who were in their mid-teens???? At that stage, those age groups are pretty separate. And, while Shanda's parents were grief stricken and destroyed by her death, where was their thinking, when it came to allowing their daughter to do this? You have to wonder.

If this story sounds remotely familiar, it is because two books--"Little Girl Lost" and "Cruel Sacrifice" by Aphrodite Jones (which I have read, girls!!!!) were written, and in 2,004 the case was dramatized on "Law And Order SVU" as the episode "Mean." Kelli Garner, brilliant as Britany 0'Malley, was based on Melinda.

But the dynamics were different. In "Mean," the victim, Emily Sullivan, was their own age and of their clique. The motive was heterosexual jealousy over Emily having gone out with Britany's boyfriend. The motive in Shands's case was identical except for the fact the relationship in question was--lesbian!!!!!! In Indiana????? Can you believe it????????????

Like Britany, Melinda was the one who thought the whole thing up, took the most pleasure in killing her, and thus earned the heaviest sentence. As far as I am concerned her cohorts are no less guilty, but there would have been no murder if it were not for Melinda.

So, girls, let us be thankful, at the ripe old age of 35, Melinda is still in jail, where she will hopefully die!!!!!!!!! She hasn't aged well, girls, but she is in prison, not a health spa. Wonder how those gals have been working her over? I am surprised she was not murdered like Jeffrey Dahmer. But there is hope.

Meanwhile, prison salutations to Melinda as our Bitch Of The Week. They don't come any more evil than this.

Remember your facial applique, girls, whether in prison or at a sauna!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

See You In September, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, can you believe this is the first day of the month so many of us used to hate as children. Back when September meant Back To School, which in Highland Park, New Jersey, meant back to shit, unless you were from the right social group or neighborhood. To hell with the quality of the child's mind. Well, now, darlings, that mind is speaking out!!!!!!!!!!

Today, this month has mixed connotations--tragic (9/11) and romantic ("Frank Mills" day, which follows on the 12th). But let me tell you--once we are into what I call the "ber" months, you can just about kiss the year goodbye!!!!! SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!

One day closer to "Freedom," loves, what with less than 100 pgs to go with David Mitchell. Then it is time for Jonathan Franzen, and, girls, they say you cannot leave your chair for a minute. I mean, not since "Gone With The Wind...."

And of course in just two days we will annoucne the Bitch Of The Week, though we have one potential nominee, but no surefire definitives. That could always change over the next couple of days, so let us see what happens.

What a summer this has been! Too hot to go to the Delacorte, too hot for movies al fresco, too hot for anything bad staying amidst air conditioning and bitching about the heat!!!!! And darlings, my bitching would go over real well at Conde Nast!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder what Miss Dorothy would do???? She would just put on her hat and pearls, and dance merrily. So that is what I want all you girls to do--on the way to your next social engagement. Just think--in 20 days, Prosperina goes back to Hell. Then things really change!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But don't put away those summer frocks just yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!