Why Viewing "Peyton Place" Decades Later Made Me So Sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Many of us baby boomers who read the Metalious novel or saw the 1957 movie when young, having been raised in small towns, were convinced our town was Peyton Place.  This was true of me, growing up in Highland Park, New Jersey.

                                        Last night, I watched the 1957 film for  the first time  in  several decades.  David had  never seen it before, and, city raised, did  not have my reaction.  I had  forgotten so  much of  the film--its length, what was left in, and out, of the  book.  But the cinematography, by William C. Mellor, who was Oscar nominated here, displays some breathtaking camera work.  Mark Robson's direction here mined actor gold, as five of  its players were Oscar nominated.  But I cannot forget, and never did,  how it is Hope Lange, as Selena Cross, who just about walks  of f with the movie, deserving an Oscar she never  won.  Watch her in this film; the viewer always  focuses on her when on screen.

                                          What follows from above is Allison (Diane Varsi) getting on the bus, Selena reaching out her hand to her, as they say farewell, as Allison goes off to New York, and then the beautifully staged shot as Selena, left behind, runs alongside  the bus, and Allison, till both outrun her.

                                               It is here  I burst into tears, not  just because of the cinematic beauty of the  sequence,  but because it was  like  my life splintering in two  before my eyes.  I certainly wanted, like Allison, to go to New York--indeed,  I have lived here longer than I ever did in HP--but a part of me wonders if I  had been left behind, what  might have happened to me.  I had expected I  would  have stayed in my parents house, till owning it, or taking an apartment in town, working locally, or commuting to NYC daily, with maybe an occasional  trip  to the theater on  Saturday, and church on Sunday. Then the whole routine again.  In other words, amidst  the conservative, Catholic environment I was raised, these were the expectations foisted upon me--that I would turn out a combination  of  Gregory Peck  in "The Man In The Grey Flannel Suit," and Jennifer Jones, in "The Song Of Bernadette."  Instead, I  took the other path, and, while  happy now, wonder  if when  my time  comes what punishment I  will face for  past  deeds.   Of course, this would have tormented  me, no matter what path I  took.

                                              But seeing this scene  last night, made  me see the splitting of  my life, and the choices made.  Would I have been as happy staying in HP?  Would Allison have been as happy, remaining  in Peyton Place?

                                                 I have my doubts.  But, while Allison returns in  the  movie, it  is clear having once  left,  she can never  be a  resident again.

                                                    And neither can  I.

                                                   Alas,  the  past  can  be  both  beautiful and heartbreaking!