Won't You Join Me For Tea and Tartlets????

Darlings, even before the votes are in I am telling you--A.S. Byatt's "The Children's Book" is the literary event of this year, a Victorian cornucopia of literary references, stories withn stories and everything guaranteed to press the buttons of all us most dedicated literary readers. It also introduces--at least to me, girls!-- a new word called tartlets. These are pastried delicacies one has with high tea, only instead of being called tarts they are tartlets. Don't you just know I would love a little tartlet this minute; and not just the puff pastry kind. Hell, I have known throughout my life all shares of tarts AND tartlets; personally I would rather be considered a tartlet than a tart, though some might call me both. These are the same people whose first Broadway musical was "The Black Crook" when they were six years old.

So during this holiday season, in honor of this fabulous literary achievement, I propose a high tea filled with tartlets--and of course I will invite some of my own. What could be more scrumptious and cream filled, loves??? Hell, with the holidays upon us we needed as much cream filled stuff as we can take. Because this is the month when our figures, girls, go out the door, until spring when we have to don our Easter finery. But that seems a long way off till then. So meantime enjoy some tea and tartlets of your own, whether that be desert or the company you keep, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, The Holiday Season Is Offically Here!!!!!!!

"...when Santa Claus begins his flight,
I hope he gets a flat tonight!"
--"That Holiday Feeling", Steve Lawrence and Edyie Gorme


And don't we feel like those two fun loving kids, Steve and Edyie, now that the Holidays are upon us? Can you believe it, girls? Now it is time for us to supremely utlize our shopping skills, and select gifts for all our special someones, and maybe someones to be. This time of year flies by faster than the Judy Garland 1954 "A Star Is Born," which I am considering doing a remake of. Imagine ME playing Victor Lester and singing "Born In A Trunk!" Honey, I am telling you, I would win that Oscar that should have gone to Judy, and you can bet I would acknowledge that in my Oscar speech. How about Norma Maine, played by Amy Adams??? Darlings, I come up with better ideas than they do in Hollywood, though getting Heather Locklear back as Amanda (the bitch we ALL love) on "Melrose Place" was the most brilliant move of the TV season.
I wish Santa Baby would slip a man under my tree, but let's face it, the advent calendar has not been bought yet, there is lots of time, so who knows what is possible? After all, if I could have had a ghostly visitation--and wait till you hear about that, darlings--than who knows what else could happen. So while I am here everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend, finishing those leftovers and getting ready for even more goodies at Christmas. Let's hear it for the Nativity and the Rockettes! And I happen to believe the Rockettes were AT the Nativity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, How Am I Supposed To Wear A Girdle, After Yesterday???

Let me tell you, lambs, not only is having to work post Thanksgiving tough, but it is even touhger to have to squeeze into that goddamn girdle I have to wear at work, especially after gorging on all the lovely things we did yesterday. Thanksgiving is when we learn what Scarlett O'Hara REALLY went through in "Gone With The Wind," stuffing herself with viddles before the Twelve Oaks barbecue, and then being laced tightly into her corset by Mammy. Darlings, that is just what I was faced with this morning, because I still felt stuffed, and then I had to get into my girdle, so I could go to work!! And with no Mammy to help me!!! I need a loyal servant. Maybe a strapping houseboy in a loin cloth!!!!!

Thanksgiving was simply charming, what with the mild weather, Harvey at his most Harv ey-est, and seeing the Indie film "Staten Island," which made clear that that borough is a bedrock of insanity and that Vince D'Onofrio is heading from porker to the grotesquely obese!!! I mean, girls, what is his excuse? It isn't like he was doing a DeNiro playing Jake La Motta. Too much lasagna, Vince, darling!!! Of course, who are we to judege, as we don't have yet our Donna McKechnie "Chorus Line" figure, although, girls, believe me that is a goal for 2010!!!!! To think we have almost lived through a decade of the new century. Kiss this, Father Time!!!!!! And dinner at the Good Stuff was superb, and wasn't Valentine, our waiter, just the most charming thing??? I simply ADORE Valentine!!!!!!

But now it is time to get back to work and gear up for the holdiay season--shopping, parties and merriment. Do you know I have three parties on consecutive nights, darlings? My God, how am I going to do it? And what am I going to wear. I wish I could fly to Paris for designers--this is an emergency. Get me Oscar (de la Renta) on the phone, right now! We will just have to see how things turn out, everyone, and you can bet I will tell you all, darlings!

And how I will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, We Have To Maximize and Market Our Special Talents!!!!!!!!

.....Because, darlings, I am tellling you, if this blog is NOT a special talent, well, then, I don't know what is. And this insight comes from, of all things, the book I am currently reading, which is #98 on this lamb's Hit Parade of book read this year--"Columbine" by Dave Cullen. Now, I am not about to justify teen massacres, but Cullen makes a good case for Dylan Klebold, that if he had steered clear of Eric Harris, he might still be here maximizing his talents. But then there is just no telling with brain chemistry, and, as twisted as mine might be, darlings, it never crossed over into murder or massacre. Though I think about outdoing many with my beauty and glamour A LOT>

Girls, after our meltdown yesterday, it is nice to know that things got resolved regarding the ID, leaving me free for such pursuits as cooking, reading and the Clearview Chelsea. We shall see what kind of free break we can get. And to think that tomorrow is turkey day, with Harvey. a movie, and the Good Stuff. I wish you all a wonderful day, girls!!!!!!! Gobble! Gobble! Gobble!
Be daring tomorrow, watch "The Giant Claw," which is basically about a giant turkey from outer space while noshing on your meal. Who needs a football game, anyway. Do you think Anna Wintour wastes her time on that? Hell, she will probably be at the VOGUE offices tomorrow, so wouldn't we all like to have Thanksgiving with ANNA? Now is not that a warm, cozy thought!
Personally, I would rather cozy up to Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal, but that remains to be seen.
So now it is time to get out and about! Have a great day, and if you do not hear from me tomorrow remember to maximize all that you have to the FULLEST!!!!

Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....And It Is Only Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crazy things just keep happening, darlings, and what with Turkey Day approaching and then me having to work Friday and Saturday and closing out Special Collections, well I am telling you it is just too much. My day started, girls, with a major melt down over not finding my work ID, which is such bureaucratic BS, but then, lo and behold, where do I find it but at the Records Desk, so now I have to get up early anyway and go to SIBL, where no one wants to even be seen, and heaven knows what is going on. But at least I can read and relax for awhile, and see a Thanksgiving film and have a meal, though don't we all want to look like Maureen O'Hara in "Miracle On 34th Street." And can you believe, lambs, that neither THAT, nor "March of the Wooden Soldiers (with Laurel and Hardy and the Boogies in Boogieland) are scheduled to be aired for Thanksgiving TV. Traditions are just going out the window; I know some people who should do the same, but then they are done in by their assorted mental illnesses, so it all comes down to the same thing.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving, loves, and stay away from Cold Creamery. When I report back here girls, hopefully I will be more mellowed out, and less sleep deprived. Have a fabulous Turkey Day, everyone!!!!!

Girls, You Would Not Believe The Week I Have Had...

Darlings, Julie Powell's New Book Is Out!

Girls, it is here. It is called "Cleaving--A Story of Meat, Marriage and Obsession," and you know we all want to read the latest from Our Julie. Now if only Amy Adams would write a book.
But honestly, lambs, as the year runs down a plethora of literary bonbons hit the stands, and don't you know we cannot wait to see what the NYTimes picks at their Ten Best Books, especially with fiction. I am telling you here and now--if that Jonathan Tropper makes the Top Ten, which means the Top Ten in fiction, the Times is gong to hear it from me.

Are we ready for Thanksgiving, girls? Keep it simple and remember your wardrobe and makeup. Mine will be dinner and a film with a stunning applique to be sure. As to what movie, at this point, your guess is as good as mine.

Speaking of literature, the pressure is really on me! Coming down the home stretch on Julia Glass' "I See You Everywhere," an apocryphal title if ever there was one, I will be up to Book #97, meaning just three more to make my goal of 100! Can I do it? Stay tuned to find out!

And stay tuned for all sorts of things, loves, because Saturday night at Mike's party in the most godforsaken realm of Manhattan there was this bright spot in the person of this tasty morsel named Matthew, and wouldn't we like to find out how good he tastes! Bet he has been licked plenty of times! And Mike has the cutest, most adorable honeymoon cottage; and his decor is just perfect for him--quasi minimalist with a touch of domestic. His bathroom sparkled, which let me tell you is not the always the case in some apartments, and a good time was had by all. Capping off the evening was a wild lesbian ride uptown--now THOSE girls really know how to have fun, so YOU girls could well take a tip from them. In the meantime remember your beauty tips and have a wonderful evening as we slide into the festive Holiday season!

Ta ta, lambs!!!!!!!