Oh, My God, Darlings, You Have To See This Film For Deborah Winters!!!!!!!!!!!! Who??????????? I Will Tell You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           Don't let this poster fool you, girls; the movie is not as much fun as the poster makes it out to be.

                           Yesterday, Baby Gojira and I watched what I thought would be a fun film.  The premise was a good one.  Thousands of coffee beans are being transported from Mexico to the United States, and these cute little tarantulas creep into the bags, undetected.  No one suspects a thing.  But if you think this is terror all the way, forget it.

                               While the spiders get their fair share of screen time, and lots of close-ups, that would have a Hollywood diva enraged, the action is mostly confined to the ground, and a bunch of actors whom most would not know--like Bert Remsen, who played the Mayor, but two years before, played Barbara Harris' husband in Robert Altman's 1975 masterpiece, "Nashville," or Claude Akins, who plays the kind of role Clint Eastwood have, had he not made it.  But the real reason to see this film is Deborah Winters.

                                Oh, my God, she looks terrible in this, with that blonde boy haircut.  And to think, just seven years ago, she was one of the most promising actresses of her generation.  She appeared in both the CBS Playhouse live production, and then the film, of J.P. Miller's play, "The People Next Door."  Yes, the same J.P. Miller who wrote "Days Of Wine And Roses..  Deborah played Maxie, the daughter who gets hooked on drugs--which, at the time was a shock to suburban communities; now, unfortunately, they are just second nature.  But the scene where the parents find Maxie hiding in the closet, hands to her ears, claiming she hears mountains--this was brilliant acting, the kind rarely seen anymore, since this kind of material is not written anymore.  How low we have come.

                                  And how low Deborah had come, to do a film like this.?  I was hoping she would get a Big Maxie Moment, and the filmmakers do try to give her one, when she beholds the body of her dead brother, Matthew, played by generic former 70's child star Matthew Laborteaux.   The opportunity is there, but she does not take advantage of it, maybe because by the time the scene was shot, she knew this was a piece of crap.  Which is why she is now Texas realtor Deborah Winters Chaney.

                                  The film had me on the edge of my seat, wondering if Deborah would have a chance to show us what she could do.  Alas, no.  So, I cannot honestly recommend this.  Unless you are some sick thing who has a yen for spiders, there is no reason to see this mess.

                                    Alas, poor Deborah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           Here she is, in "The People Next Door."  What promise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 

Girls, Tonight "Svengoolie" Is Showing One Of Universal's Most Famous Monsters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Who cannot enjoy "The Creature From The Black Lagoon?"  I have an affection for it, as it was made in my birth year, 1954.  The Gill Man, as he is called in the film--I think The Creature is a better name--is green and cute, and Juilia Adams, with her hair and white bathing suit, complements him superbly.  And Richard Carlson is pretty hot, once he takes his shirt off.

                                             Shot in gorgeous Fifties black and white in what appears to be a tropical setting, this film has tension, suspense and sex appeal.  The underwater scenes are impressive, and when The Creature comes on land, he has such fun.  Especially once he nabs Julia Adams.

                                               I mean, girls, who wouldn't want that hair and bathing suit?  Tune in tonight at 8, to see how Julia does it.

                                                And how appropriate--a green monster right after St. Patrick's Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 So be there at 8, for this gem.

                                                 And no clams on the half shell, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nix To Disney's Live-Action "Snow White!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                          The sheer nerve of the studio doing live action remakes of its superior cartoon classics, has hit a new low with "Snow White.'  The Seven Dwarfs as CGI?????????   Are you kidding me??????????  The Wicked Queen played by former "Wonder Woman" Gal Godot, whose acting level makes Blossom Rock as Grandmama on the original "Addams Family" look like Meryl Streep???????????????????????????????????

                           When it comes to Wicked Queens--and I have known my share girls, having, at times, been one myself--the one in the 1937 animated classic is unsurpassed.  Maybe, after her triumph with the live action "Maleficent," Angelina Jolie, who has real acting chops, could have made a go of it, and livened up things, but this cast from Nowheresville is not going to do a thing for Disney except cause it to lose money.

                               It might have been fun--if she could have been talked into it--to have the Wicked Queen played by Anna Wintour.  Now, THAT would be something to see.

                                Girls, I urge you to boycott this movie.  I have no intention of seeing it.  Stick to the animated original.

                                   Which Wicked Queen is the fairest of them all?   Why, the 1937 one, of course!

                                   But I am a close second, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even Shakespeare Recognized The Importance Of Spring, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         It really is "the only pretty ring time."  Valentine's Day may be in February, but real love does not bloom until Spring.  I can attest to that, as David and I first met in May.  That will be coming up soon, and it will mark 15 years.   The best ones so far.

                            "Sweet lovers love the Spring," as the Bard said, and he was right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             Girls, go through those fabrics and find the most gorgeous florals and pastels.

                             Have coffee or tea at an outdoor cafe.  Read a book in the park.  Hell, Americans, read a book, anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              The Spring has broken through, and Winter is now history.

                        Now, THIS is Spring, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             Let's make our own history in Spring, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Proserpina Comes Back From Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Girls, she arrives today, with her reticule, bags, and designer wardrobe, and that means Spring is here.  The earth and trees will turn green, the weather will get warmer, signaling Cere's happiness at having her daughter begin her six months stay in the outer world.

                                     According to legend, and my calendar, today is the First Day Of Spring.  Let us rejoice in the bloom of the flowers, and the beauty that nature can give us during this time of the year.

                                      Spring is ANNA's favorite time of year, and mine, too.  And the fashions!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Welcome Spring, darlings, and all the promise it brings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Sometimes You Have To Check Your Brain In At The Door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    It is a good thing, once in a while, darlings, and for Theater Queens especially.

                                    When I entered the theater to see "Titanique," If felt guilty about seeing something that spoofs an iconic historic tragedy.  Well, don't worry, dolls, this musical is the spoof of the overrated 1997 movie that verged on camp, here the camp is amped up for all it is worth.  And we just LOVED it!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Anyone hard of hearing will have no problem here, as the music is turned up so loud, intentionally that one cannot miss a note or lyric.

                                         Two of my favorites, Andrew Keenan-Bolger and Lea DeLaria, are currently in this production, and both are well used.  Keenan-Bolger plays the Victor Garber character, and some mascot named Luigi.  DeLaira plays Rose's mother, and I have rarely seen her used as well as she is in this. Her camp lesbianism works here for a change, unlike when I last saw her as Miss Judith Fellows in--can you believe it? --"The Night Of The Iguana."

                                         Good as both are, the highlights of this camp romp are Dee Roscioli as Celine Dion--yes, she, and the entire cast do "My Heart Will Go On!!!!!!!!!"--and Kyle Romar Freeman, as, get this, the Ice Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They raise this show to the levels of camp and parody unseen since the golden days of Charles Busch and Christopher Durang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             There are plenty of show and film references throughout--"Anything Goes," "A Chorus Line," with Andrew Keenan Bolger doing the Donna McKechnie end extension, which I have been perfecting my whole life; in fact everything here is included, even a homage to Bob Fosse and "Chicago."  We all know doing his choreography is a bitch, don't we, darlings????????????

                                                Ellenore Scott's choreography and Ty Blue's direction make the whole thing work.  "Titanique" may not be an iconic musical, but it offers an evening of sheer fun, and sometimes that is all so many of us need!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   Dash to the Daryl Roth Theatre instantly, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Don't Care What Anyone Says, Girls! Today Is The Last Day Of Winter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             The season seeming longer than the others comes to an end, today.  Now, I know we go through this every year.  Most think today is the First Day Of Spring, and yesterday was The Last Day Of Winter.  But that is not how it goes.  Spring arrives tomorrow, and it is important to know why.

                                You see, darlings, tomorrow is when Proserpina comes back from Hell, to spend the following six months with her mother, Ceres.  So, when Ceres is happy, we have the lovely weather of Spring and Summer.

                                 But, hey, the girl is facing a six month stay.  She has to pack to get ready, so Spring is on the 21st.  She will need at least a Diane Von Furstenberg reticule, and some summer frocks by La Croix and Schiaparelli!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know I could use some!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  So, Proserpina is not back yet, girls!  But she will be tomorrow.

                                  Let us all don our best frocks to welcome her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!