"Do You Want To Be In The Business? It's Harder Than This!!!!!!!!"

                      Those insightful words come from the mouth of the legendary Baayork Lee, pictured above, leading a "Chorus Line" company through a workout preparing them to do the show.  I am telling you, darlings, if Baayork would do this as a DVD, I and so many would be doing this every morning, so that by the time we arrived at work, it would be, "Five-Six-Seven-Eight!"

                         Now, I did not know the young man, pictured above, Stephen Brockway, whose obit indicated he passed away at the remarkably young age of 39.  As the first obit I read did not state the cause, I assumed HIV-related ills.  However, a blogger, who, apparently, had known Stephen, worked with him and went up for some of the same parts as he, being they were the same "type", revealed that this young man took his life!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          I was so saddened.  Because, if I  am interpreting what I read correctly, the reason (though we do not know the method) had something to do with depression (of course!), but rising out of  a feeling he did not or was not making it in the business as he felt he should.  And he apparently loved acting.

                            No one starts out being BARBRA or MERYL.  Not even they.  That kind of thing is something that just happens to one.  Like Stephen, BARBRA and MERYL worked as hard as they could to perfect their skills, which carried each to where they are now.

                               But what if it hadn't?  Because not everyone can be a BARBRA or MERYL.  As Baayork rightly says, it is harder than most think.  And realizing this is the first step to success.  The second is making peace with oneself.

                                  Now, darlings, as you know, in my heart of hearts, I nurtured dreams of being BARBRA, Donna M cKechnie, and playing the Winter Garden on Broadway. I could have been  MUCH more aggressive about pursuing this, but I also knew I did not want the sublet to sublet kind of life most working actors have.  I loved performing, but I also love stability.  So I knew early on I would not "make it" that way.  But I love to perform; and when the opportunity comes along, I never turn it down.  And, darlings, I do NOT give up--I may yet do that "Funny Girl" revival, or play Fantine in a stage production of "Les Miserables."

                                  It seemed Stephen Brockway had pretty much reached this point, but something--and we may never know what--derailed his inner peace, causing him to do what he did.  It is a shame, because 39 is not over the hill, and some actors--Judith Lowry, in her 60's, Estelle Getty in her 50's--don't get started till much older.  Amy Adams, in her 30s, had reached a point where she said she was going to give up acting in another year, when the unexpected--"Junebug"--came along, and the rest is history.  What if Amy HAD given up??????  We wouldn't have her talent now!!!!!!!!! What might Stephen had accomplished, had he NOT given up???????  Neither he nor we will know, but I think something would have resulted.

                                  I am very sad about Stephen Brockway, but I can understand the futility some feel struggling in the business.  Again, listen to Baayork's words.  And don't set your sights on becoming a Superstar, just become the best you can.  If that gets you to Broadway, fine. If it gets you to Community Theater, there is nothing wrong with that.  I had a director who once asked us, "Is Broadway a location, or a state of mind?"  I can answer--when you perform, it is a state of mind, because, once you are on that stage, it makes no difference where you are, so long as you perform.  So, here, Broadway IS a state of mind.  When you are the paying customer, with heightened aesthetic expectations, THEN it very definitely becomes a location.

                                  Stephen Brockway sadly lost his way.  I don't want any of my girls out there struggling to do the same.  Success will find you if you are lucky, but your own success has to be where you yourself find  it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Don't pull that Andrea Leeds crap, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!