Darlings, You Can Learn A Lot From A Single Man Living In A House With Flaming Red Front Window Curtains!!!!!!

Yes, girls, you can learn SO much as I found out for myself on Friday, when I caught a 4PM screening of "The Lovely Bones." You learn that if you see such a sight in your neighborhood, you had better pay attention, because behind those curtains lives either a flagrant homosexual , or a serial killer. Personally, I would prefer the homosexual, as there would be the chance of a husband for me, though I would question the taste of one who would put such curtains in the front window; they belong in the bedroom, darling! But behind the curtains in TLB is Stanley Tucci, playing George Harvey, who is just your garden variety, heterosexual, sex sick serial killer. His being straight is a tip off that he has no idea about curtain placement, so right away that attracts or should attract suspicion. Yet Tucci is the best reason to see this bastardized adaptation of Alice Sebold's best seller, because in a frew brief strokes he manages to convey the SK persona, save for living with his mother, which many serial killers do. See, they hate women, but subconsciously get off on control and who better to control than their poor mothers, who they make cook and clean for them their whole lives!!!! I know these sick fuckers, believe me; I have probably dated some, and I am not afraid to take one on. You wanna mess with me, you serial killers? Just try it, because after 26 years of living in New York I do not take crap from anyone, and you had better believe I will psychologically destroy you, and send you to prison, Barbra Streisand or not!!!!!!

Of course, Saorise Ronan, brilliant as young Briony in "Atonement" is the perfect Susie Salmon, and she and Tucci are electric in the pit scene; too bad the crime is not more graphically enacted, whichg would have been a great acting coup for them, truer to Sebold's vision, and better filmmaking overall? But alas, Peter Jackson reduces this to the level of that "Twilight" teen garbage, when I wante a cold, clinical study of a serial killer. You think I can't spot a serial killer out there? I see a serial killer in almost everyone I see, and let me tell you I stand ready to mete out their justice--do to them what they do to their victims. Make them squeal and scream and hear their bones break and watch the blood pour out of their sick, undeserving bodies!!!! And they should be required to register like sex offenders, because if they did I would come after them.

So while "The Lovely Bones" is not good filmmaking, it is, in its own peculiar way, inspiring.
Now get out there, girls, and catch your own personal serial killer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!