Ann Hathaway As Fantine????? Great; But Why Wasn't I Asked?????

Darlings, how I hate it when I hear plans are afoot to film another Broadway musical!!!! It just does not seem to matter; Hollywood, for the most part, never gets it right. For every "Sound Of Music" or "Funny Girl," there are infinitely more....
Lucille Balls in "Mame!"

I know, I know, people talk about "Chicago," but, having seen the Fosse original onstage, I can tell you it does not compare. "The Phantom Of The Opera?" Great singing, but flat!!!!!! "Nine?" Fugeddaboutit!!!! "Mama Mia" was enjoyable due to its stunning locales and art direction, and the Divinity that is Meryl Streep!!!!!!

Now comes the news that the 1985 Brit-originated musical, "Les Miserables," will finally be mounted as a film!!! Few literary properties, during the both silent and talkie eras, have been filmed as much as this!!!! So it does not surprise me they are getting around to filming the musical. The only problem is--will it be any good???? I seriously doubt it!!!!!!

Let's start with Hugh Jackman. At least, he is the only of two assembled so far who can actually sing. Slated for Jean Valjean, he may sing the role beautifully. But his scrawny, dancer's body, suggests more Tommy Tune in "My One And Only" than Victor Hugo's powerhouse hero!!!!! Then there is Russell Crowe, whose penchant for badness, both on and off screen, makes him, in some ways, right for Inspector Javert!!!! But his physical girth is more suited to Valjean, which, if this were a non-musical treatment, he might be good at. In the show, his character has one of the score's most beautiful songs, "Stars." I cannot imagine Crowe nailing this one!!!! The same goes for Helena Bonham Carter. Poor thing; once cast in dewy, fresh faced ingenue roles in films such as "A Room With A View" and "Howard's End," now, it seems, every time you need someone to play a blowzy harridan, call Helena!!!!! The latter bit she does to a tee; "Sweeney Todd" proved that. But it also proved she cannot sing, and while Madame Thernardier may be the show's least demanding musical role, she still has to nail "Master Of The House." Where is Kay Ballard when you need her???? And Geoffrey Rush???? A shoo-in for Monsieur Thernardier, but, really, I cannot see him uttering, plaintively and lyrically, "I raise my eyes to see the Heavens, and only the moon looks down./The lonely moon shines down!" Rush has a great theatrical voice, but that does not always translate into musical terms.

Which brings me to Ann Hathaway, who is set for the plum role of Fantine. Fantine is to this show what Julie is to "Show Boat". She is on very little, but she makes her time count, and hers is the emotional center that drives the story forward.
She is also given what is this show's most famous, and oft recorded song, "I Dreamed A Dream." Ann has the three necessary attributes for the role--beauty, vulnerability, and a voice. But can she refrain from being, shall we say, actressy, to projecting a genuinely poignant portrayal of a pathetic woman in ruin???? I hope so, for that is how Fantine must be played, if she is to propel the story forward.

Now, I have nothing against Ann, but I have to say--honeys, since 1987, when I first performed "I Dreamed A Dream" onstage--with tears, pouring down my cheeks, I'll have you know!!!--it was clear Fantine was MY role!!!! It is a difficult one, because, in order to do it justice, I have to go to some dark places I don't necessarily like to go to. But, darlings, for a plum role, a show stopper, AND a paycheck, I would throw caution to the wind this one time!!!!! But has anyone asked ME???? No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First Lauren Ambrose beats me out of "Funny Girl" (though I am not through with that one, yet!!!) and now Ann Hathaway as Fantine!!!!!! I will go so far to say that, judging from what has been reported here, Ann as Fantine may be the only reason to see the film. In which case, if this film gets made, walk out after her death scene!!!! Yes, in the show, Fantine's ghost returns at the end, but--and here is another consideration--who knows how much they will tamper with the show, removing characters, songs, ghostly visitations, and such. Onstage "Les Miserables" runs three hours plus; filmmakers today, in this digital age, are so caught up with things moving quickly, it would not surprise me if they trim the show down to 90 minutes!!!!!!

Oh, and the one set to direct is Tom Hooper, of "The King's Speech." He did a fine job with that one, but how much does he know about directing a musical??? Ever hear of Trevor Nunn???? Even Rob Marshall has more working knowledge, though, I am pretty certain he would dress the student revolutionaries in top hats and tails!!!!!

Any way you look at it, girls, the news is not thrilling; even if I am cast as Fantine!!!! Though that would at least give you a reason to see the film, and you better believe I would nail "I Dreamed A Dream!" I mean, even Neil Diamond made it work!!! And, honeys, he is NO Fantine!!! But nothing has been shot yet, so let us hold our breath!!!!! Because this "Les Miz" might just Fizzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do You Hear The People Sing, darlings????????????????????????????