Darlings, It's Back To Lindsay, And We Are Betting How Soon She Goes Back To Jail!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Lindsay Lohan has been sprung from jail, just the night after I witness her genuinely talented performance in Altman's "A Prairie Home Companion." Which I should be on, loves, because you know, darlings, that I am everything that is SO pure and American!!!!!!!!! Just like Miss Dorothy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hon, I give Lindsay three months till she is in the slammer once more, because if she did not listen to Meryl and Lily years before when making above film--and who would have the temerity NOT to listen to MERYL STREEP, dolls????? Let alone LILY TOMLIN!!!!!--then she is on a crash course to destruction. Hell, Judy Garland took a good 30 years to tank out; Lindsay is going to crash and burn like the proverbial skyrocket. Not to mention she looks like SHIT!!!!!! I mean, come on, Anna wouldn't even let her near the VOGUE offices looking the way she does. Eevn on my worst day, loves, I look better than Lindsay, like this past Sunday when I had a migraine.

But let's wait for Lindsay to crash! Girls, I am telling you, technology sucks!!!!!! Beginning last Friday I was having phone trouble--and still am; my phone does not ring, it bleeps, people who try to call can't get me, and when they do they don't hear a ring and all sorts of electronic static. The lovely, gracious and very accomodating Monsieur Davide went out and bought me a spanking new phone which we installed last night. Same results. Now on Friday the Phone Cpmpany is supposedly sending out someone between the hours of eight and noon, and let me tell you, I bet he doesn't look like Eric Evans. More like Rosie O'Donnell, I bet!!!!!!!!!!! But, you know, I almost don't care, if the problem can be permanently resolved. I mean, am I going to have to get a cell phone???? I have done without all this time; and it is just a capitalist plot to extract more money from us, because cell phones are more expensive than land lines!!!!!! Kiss my ass, you Verizon bitches, because I am NOT switching!!!! I want my phone service restored, and if it isn't, first I am going to send Monsieur Dzvide down to your offices to bitch slap you with my used panties, and THEN I am going to complain to the Better Business Bureau. As Joan Crawford so eloquently said once--"Don't fuck with ME, fellas!!!!!!!"

And I am telling you I am almost ready to concede domestic victory to Martha Stewart after Monsieur Davide so generously helped me straighten a few things out. Hell, I may now become a compulsive floor sweeper. Ad tomorrow we go to the Strand, so we better see how they behave after my posting of last week, which I am sure has been tacked to their workplace bulletin board. We shall see. I am looking for three things--a hardback of "Mr. Peanut," which shoudld be a snap, and the hardbacked, N.C.Wyeth illustrated editions of either "Treasure Island," "Kidnapped," or "The Yearling." If I find them, fine, if not I will be back. But be forewarned, Strand--The Raving Queen expects Royal Treatment. And I don't mean Royal Jello or Pudding, loves!!!!!!!!!!

If they don't behave tomorrow, I will see each and every staff member gets a complimentary set of Fancy Pants, the Paper Panty=--"Put it on, take it off, and then you throw it away! 15 cents!!!!!!!!!

Make sure all your pants(ies) are fancy, girls! But fabrics, darling, not paper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!