Girls, Today We Are A Domestic Goddess!!!!!

Today is "Julie and Julia" day, darlings, and I awoke feeling as perfectly fresh and perky as Amy Adams. Especially after my morning beauty regimen. Then came the reality of domestic goddessness--it is not easy. I find that to make food you have to spend money. First, girls, would you believe I did not have a potato peeler? I mean, I come from the school of Cooking For One, where those of us lacking life partners either eat out a lot in order to keep up with our social life which compensates for not having someone for ourselves, or we crawl home to our hovels emotionally depleted from the neuroses of the NYC work scene, and cannot get any more creative than a pot of pasta or throwing some Stouffer's in the oven. Then along came Meryl and Amy, and this movie, which I expect would change all that.

It still may, but there is more challenge than I expected. In addition I need a cutting board, and a blender with a puree setting. That done, I have to shop for the ingredients--hell, for a simple soup I am going to out $100 by the time I am through. Did Amy Adams have to cope with this? How about Julie Powell? Help me, Amy and Julie!!!!!

Why am I so hell bent on doing this? Is it just Meryl and Amy?? Honey, it goes even further; to quote Cher as Loretta Castorini in "Moonstruck"-- I am looking where I have to in order to become a bride!" Meanwhile, here I am in a shabby apartment in Woodside that needs to be bleached and fumigated, while there are tons of brides all around me who never heard of any of the things I am describing, simply because they are not literate enough. It all fits a pattern!!!

That pattern, darlings, was wanting it both ways--raised in affluence while wanting a non-conforomist lifestyle, not realizing there are prices to be paid. And, honey, I have paid those prices--single, a marginal job that enables me to get buy but does not bring the fame to which I feel entitled, and unable to do anything else because it was made so clear to me by THE WORLD early on that if one cannot pass for being straight--which I certainly can't, darlings; I mean, have you been reading this blog?---then forget domestic bliss or the condo on Long Beach. Long Island, that is!

Well, you know what? As gay men, there is only so much of this crap we ought to take, and then we oughtn't to take it anymore!!!! So my kitchen foray is not just about Amy Adams/Julie Powell, it is about claiming my mantle--perhaps in mastering a few simple recipies I can cook for a man and then my life will take off. It can't hurt trying; I have tried everything else!!!! At very least I will develop some minimal culinary mastery, so that when I visit my father or sister I can cook for them!

But all this equipment, amidst being brilliant in a literary fashion on my day off, and hoping to catch the 4PM afternoon screening of "Julie and Julia." You see how challenging my life is , girls??? And every time I branch out there are more challenges. Thank God I am not taking up needlepoint!

So let us enjoy this "Julie and Julia" day and bask in our illlusions of being domestic goddesses. Wonder how skillful Amy really IS in the kitchen--aah, what am I saying, she and Meryl can do it ALL!!!!

Have a lovely day, girls!