Girls, You Will NOT Believe What I Have Heard!!!!!!

Those of you who have read up to here, darlings, know that, at the very least, I have been around the block. Not only have I heard ALL the Tallulah stories, I have enough of my own that would do Tallulah proud! But one night last week I heard a never told tale that was the capper of them all, which is saying a lot, let me tell you. And my source, one of the most attractive, charming and distinguished gentlemen I know (if he weren't already with someone, I would have made a shot for him years ago) related this extraordinary Hollywood anecdote.

During her Hollywood halcyon yeas, probably the Forties, Joan Fontaine was attending a lavish party. Like most guests at such an affair--lambs, how I know-- she became tired, and decided to lie down and rest. She went into an empty bedroom, atop which were piles of coats (just like Margo Channing's in "All About Eve") and promptly fell asleep. Awhile later, she awoke, and it felt as though someone were pawing at her. She looked up from her supine pose--now get the barf bucket ready, darlings!--and there was Ethel Barrymore going down on her!!!!!! Can you believe it???? Poor Joan; what could she do??? So she called out, "Ethel, what the Hell are you doing?" Ethel blithely looked up, and trilled in that famous voice, "Darling, just give me a few more minutes.....please????"

I bet if Olivia had known about this, she would have had a field day with THIS one! Most likely she would have said something about Joan giving access to all. But we know, loves, that Joan would never do such a thing, and certainly not with ETHEL BARRYMORE. There are some people on this Earth, darlings, who invite a lack of sexual associationn because they look so, well, asexual, and certainly Ethel Barrymore is chief among them. She is up there with Eleanor Roosevelt and Helen Keller!!!!!! At least, Helen was not ugly, but we have no idea what chances for action that poor thing had!!!!!

Only from me would you hear such a thing. If I hadn't heard this from whom I heard it, I would NEVER believe it. And don't think I am not tempted to call Joan--still alive, and soon to be 93--and ask her about it!!!! I don't dare call Olivia, just in case she never knew, and if she did--hell would STILL break lose!!!! Those two are as cozy as the Hudson sisters. Wouldn't you love to see them do the Irving Berlin number "Sisters" from "White Christmas."

I meant to write more today, girls, about mainsteaming gays, but will save that for another time. I mean, what could top this???? Nothing!!!!! So meantime, take a hint from Joan, and be very careful when and where you fall asleep!!!!!

Nightie night, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!