A Nervous Breakdown???? Sweeties, I Don't Have The TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, darlings, you all know how much I love Sylvia Plath, and yes I HAVE read "The Bell Jar" to pieces, but it's not like I have time to live it. Let me tell you, there are two types of folk who have nervous breakdowns--those with enough time on their hands to have the luxury of doing it, and those who are genuinely bonkers. And I have been close to the latter, but not really, although, by my standards girls, Blanche Du Bois was as sane as could be.

With all that is happening in the next several days, I cannot crash. First, it is hair time, time to get my spring hair look, and getting the appt, planning the visit, making sure I get my favorite hairstylist--honey, this alone could take me all day. Then I have to start thinking about spring fashions--I need a Chanel blouse, a new Louis Vuitton bag, and a new pair of Pradas to go with each outfit. When am I supposed to do all this shopping? And especially with THIS weekend coming up, which is not only a cooking one, where I PLAN--I am only saying plan, because I cannot be sure how much of this will actually happen--to make some risotto, and at LAST the "Julie and Julia" beef bourgenon!!!!! With all that wine, I will probably cry tomorrow! Call me Susan Hayward!!!!!!!!!!

Then there is the goddamn Film Forum. Would you believe, girls, that if you can take it, you can see IN ONE DAY BOTH "Gone With The Wind" and "The Wizard of Oz." Now, darlings, you know my loyalty to both, but honestly my sensory overload could not take it. So I have opted for GWTW on Saturday, since I saw 'Oz" last week, but, now here is where we SOB--how I wish I had a MAN to go with me to it, so that at the end of Part One, when Vivien cries out "As God is my witness.." and the Max Steiner music starts flowing, along with my tears in time to it, I will have shoulder to cry on, and arms to hold ME during such! Sweeties, is this too much to ask? It is not like I am asking Rhett to carry me up the red stairs. So if any of you out there know an eligible gentleman who can fulfill these requirements of me at the Saturday 3PM showing of Selznick's classic, get in touch with me PRONTO!!!!!!
And besides you know that somehow I will squeeze in a second viewing of 'Oz.' Maybe on Sunday.

Where is my goddamn assistant when I need him? I will smack his booty!!! That wouldn't do any good; he'd love it! But he needs to coordinate all this for me, and deal with some of the crap I should not have to deal with--like the bitch queen nut job--not ME, lambs!--who ripped off our copy of "Gowns By Adrian." Darling, if I wanted an Adrian gown, I would take it to my dressmaker and have him do a knockabout.
I want to wear the dress Rosalind Russell wore as Syliva in "The Women." Hell, I AM Sylvia Fowler, darlings! The bitch, remember!!!!!!!

So, you see, there is just no time for a nervous breakdown. Besides, how casn you meet a husband when you are institutionalized? Now, I know what you are going to say, girls--Natalie Wood in "Splendor In The Grass"--but keep in mind two things. First, I am NOT Natalie Wood, and second, if my life had been scripted by William Inge, by now I would be some frowsy Kansas housewife, screaming out the yard every day for my deceased dog! This is not what we want, girls!!! We want the Pierre and Louis Vuitton!!!!!

Hence, a nervous breakdown is simply out of the question!!!!!!!!!!!!!