Darlings, There Are Two Things In Town Tonight To Cure One of Embittered Bitchiness!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, yesterday I had to have what was one of the worst cases on record of PMS--
Perpetual ManDeprivation Syndrome--which affects all of us who DO NOT have a husand. It is a miracle I did not get a migraine, because I was raging, let me tell you, I was such an EMBITTERED BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But there are as noted two cures for that malady this evening. The more accessible, and less expensive one, is the Chelsea Classics screening of "Mildred Pierce," hosted by Hedda Lettuce, who all my girls know, is the granddaughter of Bedda Lettuce, and the great-niece of Nedda Iceberg! And, darlings, we just LOVE "Mildred Pierce," with Joan Crawford enacting the role of self sacrificing virtue, when we all know what a real bitch SHE was. But the resaon I love the film darlings is Ann Blyth as her daughter, VEDA!!!!! I just LOVE VEDA! She has been my role model for years. Now, some may think Veda is just a stuck-up bitch, but, darlings, I am telling you, she was simply a poor, misunderstood girl with goals. Goals that all us girls, and me especially have--a rich husband, a gigantic house, a car, though I would prefer to be driven, nautrally--and, what, I ask you now, is wrong with that? But Veda has always gotten a bum rap, and I think it is unfair. My favorite Veda line--"It's the dress. It's awfully cheap material. I can tell by the smell." Damn right; no K-Mart knockoffs for US, when we buy something it had damn well better be the BEST!!!!!!!!!!! Go, Veda!!!!!!!!!! And if you catch her tonight all that bitchiness will evaporate from your hormonal system.
The remedy I am pursuing tonight is "Looped," with Valerie Harper playing--are you ready, girls?--Tallulah Bankhead, and not just ANY Tallullah, but Talluslah during the filming of that trash classic "Die! Die! My Darling!" Honey, you have to see it to believe it. The scene where she FORCE FEEDS Stephanie Powers--ew!!!!!!!!!--
unsweetened oatmeal, is worth the whole movie. Wonder what Proctor and Gamble or Quaker Oats would make of this? And what to make of gay men and their fasciantion with Tallulah? And why do so many actresses want to play her? Is it the deep voice; Hell, there's Bea Arthur and Elaine Stritch, if you want that. The answer I think comes from the following story that I have heard over the years.

Back in the 50s, when he was the Toast of New York, Truman Capote gave one of his fabulous parties. No, I was NOT there, loves, but I should have been, because this blog would tell a different life story, let me tell you. At this party were Truman, Joan Fontaine, Tallulah, Dame May Whitty, and young actor by the name of Montgomery Clift, who was just up and coming. At one point, Truman and Monty stole off, and Dame Whitty began to discourse on how Clift might be with fellatio. This led to an ongoing discussion between the ladies on said topic, and, when put to the question, Tallulah chimed in, "I wouldn't know, dahlings. He nevuh sucked MY cock!!!!!!" Exactly! And being Tallulah I do not doubt for a minute that there was one.

So it should be fun to see what Valerie can do with this, not to mention that with the subject mattter the theater should be TEEMING with gay men--OMG, the line to the MEN's Room--which leaves the potential wide open for a husband. I can only pray to St Catherine of Drexel, who we celebrated yesterday, that my goal is achieved.

And can you beleve "The Miracle Worker" got such a bad reveiw on Broadway? I mean, darlings, it IS "The Miracle Worker." Well, I may go and tell you what I think. In the meantime, I am off to work some miracles, girls, you work some of your own!

AND FIND A HUSBAND FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!