Darlings, The Theme Last Night On TV Was Greed!!!!!!!!!!!

"Greed", girls was a fabulous 1924 film, directed by Erich Von Stroheim (a good quarter century before his signature appearance as Max in "Sunset Boulevard"), based on the Frank Norris novel, "McTeague," and featuring, in a dramatic role, the great comic actress ZaSu Pitts (that name alone, darlings!!!!!) before she became knows for "Mrs. Wiggs Of The Cabbage Patch" (1934) and, in the 1950's, Gale Storm's sidekick on the "Oh Susanna!/Gale Storm" shows. But if you were watching TV with us--Monsieur and moi, loves--it would have figured as the theme for the evening's fare. And what a bunch of scum got featured.

Let's start with 'Criminal Intent,' which ran one of their better episodes, entitled "Smile." It started out seeming to be about a lethal dentist, who kills his patients, especially young male ones, because he may be a suspected pedophile. Just what I need to see--I, who REFUSE to watch "Marathon Man," and am just seven days away from wisdom tooth extraction, myself!!!! This I DON"T need to see, and I almost turned it off. But it was a good thing I did not.

For one thing, I would have missed Catrina Ganey's over the top performance as psycho mom Jacqueline Gordon. Mrs. Gordon has recently lost her son, Tobey, whom she believed was killed by the dentist, whom she suspected was a pedophile. What he actually turns out to be is a nitrous oxide addict, and one afternoon, while he is gassing himself up for a high, Mrs. G sneaks in and takes matters into her hands, holding down the mask and turning up the barometer. Execution Mama!!!!!!!!!!! However, as other boys point out, Dr. Goldman, the dentist, never touched anyone, so after Mrs. Gordon is caught taking a knife to her daughter and rambling psychotically, she is arrested and hauled off, the dental part of the story ends, and the plot shifts.

The series of children's death is linked to some tainted mouthwash, thought to contain excessive amounts of alcohol (the deaths were thought to be from alcohol poisoning) but were actually from the oral fluid being tainted with high doses of the drug DEG. So it looks like we have a corporate FDA cover-up. The solution turned out to be a counterfeit of one manufactured by Schorr Labs, whose brass claim they know nothing. Goren and Eames enlist the aid of willing insider informant, Leslie Lezard, played to a career bitch fare thee well by Amy Acker. During the investigation a morally zealous FDA worker, Jim Kettle (Jason Kravitz, wonderful as always, and yes, his character WAS better than anyone else, despite the snide remark by his ex-wife!!!!), who, a lifelong asthmatic, is found murdered by a defective inhaler. Fortunately, the company has a mole named Stacy, and she points them to the real culprit--Leslie Lezard. What a piece of slime!!!!! She could almost make Bitch Of The Week; in fact, she might in the very near future. Leslie is what is termed a career fabulist; someone who successfully lies well enough to advance herself a certain point, but is never content and wants to advance further. She makes the young Barbara Walters seem like a Burger King sales clerk!!!!!!! Hauled away in cuffs, she hisses and snarls, ranting about everything from the stupidity of the kids who drank the mouthwash (depraved indifference to life) and Goren's alleged instability (it is all about YOU, isn't it, Leslie?????) But she gets what is coming to her but good, and just wait till she gets to prison, because those babes will make short due of her careerist act, and cut off every inch of hair until she is as bald as Sinead O'Connor.

Such fun, darlings! And Amy Acker played Leslie as such an evil bitch, you just wanted to kick her in the teeth.

Now--for "Rizzoli And Isles".

A father and son, returning from a meal, are attacked by a lone gunman. He murders the father, seriously injures the son. The latter's manner is about as smug and arrogant as Leslie in the aforementioned; you just know he is sleaze, and boy, does that turn out to be right! It seems Chris, the son, got involved with some drug dealers running an Asian (how trendy!!!!) nail salon. They offer him an in on making some easy money by smuggling in heroin, and the greedy bastard jumps at it, endangering the lives of his innocent wife and young son, who know nothing, yet are eventually abducted and held prisoner. They are found, and the scum son is brought in for interrogation.

But the one caveat I have with the show, overall is, after the big climactic scene, comes the closing, usually with both women, which is fine. But we never see what happens in between. In this one, I wanted to see Chris handcuffed, like on any "Law And Order" and get his sorry ass hauled off to prison. And I wanted to see his wife divorce him!!!! After what he did to her and the kid, she should!!!!! And, as far as I am concerned, he is just as responsible, for his father's murder.

Nevertheless, there was excitement and enjoyment, what with Angela (the wonderful Lorraine Bracco) trying to straighten up Maura's apartment; Jane being treated for an ingrown toenail (no fun; I've been through it!) and hunky Ian being hunky, even if he turns out to be a spy, who Maura cannot count on. But the girls have each other, which is refreshing, and, unlike so many straight guys, who SO want these two to have a lesbian relationship (I know this for a fact, darlings!!!!!), I just like seeing a nice depiction of friendship between women, where they aren't fighting over birthday cards or pulling hair out, like the lesbians at the Cubby Hole and Henrietta Hudson's on Saturday night!!!!!! Jane and Maura are above this!!!!!!!!

But what a night for greed, loves!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the greatest criminal, and dramatic motivators of them all!!!!!!!

Stay far away from it, girls! Two words guaranteed to--Bernie Madoff!!!!!!!!!!!!