Wait A Minute, Girls!!!!!!!!!! She's Not Even JEWISH?????????

Darlings, things are really tripping up on the Rialto!!!!! No sooner do we learn about Darren Criss replacing Daniel Radcliffe in 'How To Succeed,' comes the news that Bartlett Sher, the highly talented director of "The Light In The Piazza," who, apparently, is set to stage the much rumored Broadway revival of "Funny Girl," has found his Fanny Brice. Are you ready, everyone!!!!!!!!!!

The coveted role goes to........Lauren Ambrose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttt???????????????????????????????????

OK, forget the non-Jewish thing for a second!!!!!!!!! I mean, if Patti Lupone had been younger, she would have been perfect, and she can barely say "Shalom!" "Pisan" would be more like it!!!!! But she would have worked!!!!!!!!!

Had they been young enough (and they are Jewish) so would have Neva Small and Judy Kuhn!!!!!!!!!!!

Hell, maybe we should get Eydie Gorme out of retirement to do it! Or Lainie Kazan who understudied Barbra in the first place.

And what about the thousands of gay men, from 1964 on, who have been training their whole lives for this part???????? Like yours truly, right here!!!!!!!!! You wanna hear "Coronet Man?" I'll give you "Coronet Man!"

Think how Lea Michele must feel right now--heh heh heh!!!!!!!!!!

Bart, what the hell gives???????? What do you think you are doing???????
A new examination of the show????? What, Fanny Brice makes her First Communion????
I think NOT!!!!!!!! OK, so you are hell bent on not finding the next Barbra Streisand. Well, as I have been saying on here (and my girls all know that!!!!!!!) such a feat is impossible!!!!!! There is no NEXT Barbra Streisand!!!!!!! BUT--if you are going to cast Fanny Brice, or perform it, there are some things to keep in mind that have to be maintained--a STRONG singing voice and extensive vocal range!!!! It is a killer part!!!!!!! She doesn't have to look fresh from the shetl, but there should be a New York sharpness about Fanny, that comes with having grown up in New York. Lauren looks like she should be playing Emily Webb in "Our Town!!!!" I mean, come on!!!!!!!!!!

And what about her vocal chops!!!!!!! The info is ambiguous at best; having studied "classical voice" ( which does not lend itself to the kind of singing this show actually requires), yet having "covered" "My Man" (which, now, I expect will be used, in place of "The Music That Makes Me Dance," though that is a great song, too!!!!), which, taken together, does not really tell us whether she can sing the damn score or not!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, Bart!!!!!!! Hey Broadway!!!!!!!!!!! It is time once again to use Casting Directors!!!!!!! I am hereby offering to sit in; because, honey, my casting instinct is impeccable. And, no, I would not automatically cast myself in the role, though I could take it on far better than Lauren. Want to challenge me, hon???????

God forgive me!!!!!!!! We have had Rosie 0'Donnell as Golda, so what on earth is next????????? Kristin Chenowith as Baby June???????????

Before you can get your act together onstage, guys, you need to get it together off!!!!!!! So if you need casting help, call on those of us who KNOW what the role requires. Because, when you use this processed media marketing technique, nine times out of ten, the show cookie crumbles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As Helen Lawson once said, "Wadda ya want??????? I'm tired, and I'm busy!!!!!"