Darlings, I Once Wanted To Be A Paulette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, girls, I was never considering having a sex change!!! And, no, a Paulette is not a dancer, like a Rockette (which I STILL would like to be!!!) nor a singer like a Ronnette!!!!! A Paulette, dears, is one who was a disciple of the film critic, Pauline Kael, and, when I was young and tender, my ambition was to be a critic whose influence would outweigh hers!!!!!! It started back with Steven H. Scheuer's "TV Movie Guide," which were a set of capsule sized reviews of movies shown on television. I felt I could do better, so I took it upon myself to write reviews for every film on television I saw. I took lined paper, divided it into columns, and wrote. I cut my teeth on Pauline Kael's early books, learning what a great writer she was, (and that I could say this with honesty, even if I did not agree with her opinion!!!) and acquiring a lot of film history knowledge along the way!!!!! I SO wanted to be a Paulette; however, as I made my way to New York and through the arts world, I never crossed paths with her, so, alas, something was lost along the way.

I have no idea who all the ORIGINAL Paulettes were, though I would like to know!!!! I DO know that David Denby was one, which sets my teeth on edge. Mr. Denby is hardly the critic Kael, or even I, darlings, claimed to be, but his posturing "I-am-so-straight-Mr.-Capitalist" attitude espoused in his works, "Great Books" and "American Sucker" made me sick when I read them!!! And guess what??? His wife, the writer Cathleen Schine left him high and dry....for another woman!!!!, calling all the prowess Mr. Denby boasts about himself as a Straight Man into question. And while Denby was an original Paulette, at some point he and the High Priestess had a falling out!!!! Too bad he was not offered as a human sacrifice to Judith Crist!!!!!

What all this centers around is that someone--namely Brian Kellow, who, thank God, is gay (Oh, my God! Someone gay writing about the arts!!!!! Imagine!!!!! I am sure the Tea Party is terrified!!!!! Wait a minute, it's the arts; what the hell would they know????) has written an actual biography of Pauline Kael. It is called "A Life In The Dark," and is a direct parody of "A Year In The Dark," by Kael's nemesis, Renata Adler. I have not read the Kael biography, though I want to, but already, I am curious.

Do we actually need one, darlings?????? I mean, Pauline's writings speak for themselves, and of her. Do we really need to know more???? Do we really need to know personal things about Miss Kael???? Pauline Kael having sex????? The picture is SO nightmarish it is capable of destroying brain cells faster than crack!!!!!

Hey, Brian, I recognize you from somewhere, and you are obviously talented yourself, but I think you painted yourself into a corner, with this project. What might have been MORE interesting was a book about The Paulettes--who they were, how they came to be, the love, the hate, and the influence Kael exerted on them and, subsequently, the entire movement of late twentieth century American film criticism!!!!!!

Unless, Mr. Kellow covers this in his current book. In which case, I have no choice; I'm in, so I have to read it!!!!!

But wouldn't it be great to stage a reunion of The Paulettes, and have them perform girl group songs, beneath a huge backdrop photo of Miss Kael??????

Get this on "Saturday Night Live!" at once!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!