"Roman.....Bring Me A Root Beer When You Come!!!!"

Darlings, let me be the first to tell you, a Bitchfest is coming, just in time for the Holiday Season!!!! No, I am not talking about your families' annual Christmas dinner, which is your businesses, sweeties, not mine! No, I am talking about the film "Carnage," which is the film version of Yasmin Reza's play "God Of Carnage", directed by that expatriate extraordinaire, Roman Polanski!!!!!!!

Two years ago, on my 55th birthday, it must have been a bad year for musicals. There really was not one available to me, then, and damned if I was going to see "Spring Awakening!" So I opted for "God Of Carnage," having heard so much about it, and having just missed its celebrated Original Cast (James Gandolfini, Marcia Gay Harden, Jeff Daniels and Hope Davis!!!). I saw it with the First Replacement Cast (Ken Stott, who originated the role in London, the brilliant Christine Lahti, Annie Potts, and Jimmi Smits, who, though effective, seemed miscast against these others). I recall, when I took my seat, Orchestra, fourth row aisle, the usher said I would be in the middle of the carnage, because I was so close, and, honey, was he right, because when the tulips started flying across the room, and the vase was thrown, I was actually drenched with water!!!! I wanted to get up onstage and fight right back, because this play/movie is everyone's dream of telling off the asshole relatives, neighbors, coworkers, or authority figures you have to deal with every day!!!!

When Hope Davis' character (played by Kate Winslet in the movie) delivered the famous line, "I am glad our son kicked the shit out of your son, and I wipe my ass with your human rights!!!!", applause broke out in the theater. And some were not pleased by this. This is the greatest dramatic litmus test since David Mamet's "Oleanna," and I think theater managers showing this film had better be prepared for fights breaking out in the theater. Just like some of my relatives had better be prepared for me to tell them off in this fashion, which I have been waiting to do since 1978!!!!!!!!

It was one big Bitchfest onstage, and from the footage I have seen (with Kate's scene the best!!!!) the film will prove to be one, too! Girls, I cannot wait to get this on DVD, because, then, if I have a bad day, I can come home and watch this repeatedly, without fear of killing anybody!!!!!

Now, the casting! As stated, Kate Winslet is playing the Hope Davis role. As for the others--

Jodie Foster=Marcia Gay Harden
John C. Reilly=James Gandolfini
Christopher Waltz= Jeff Daniels

Girls, I have to admit to some trepidation, when I saw Jodie's name, because I LOVE Christine and Marcia so much, and they were SO right! But, having seen some footage, I can tell you Jodie will be fine, and she fits, as they all do, into the fabric of the ensemble!!!!!!

When I saw this play on Broadway, I knew someday I wanted to perform it!!!!! Hell, who wouldn't???? It is an actor's dream!!! You not only get to chew up the scenery, but everyone else in sight!!!! "God Of Carnage" is probably the most interchangeable show since "Hello, Dolly!"--it can be done with ethnic couples, mixed faiths, differing sexual orientation--and it will work every time!!!! Wouldn't I love to be in a gay male version of this--darlings, you never saw such bitches!!!!!!!

Of course, lambs, the whole thing is an allegory for America--those who are phony, self-righteous and fatuous enough to think themselves right all the time, and who complacently accept a society where the I-Pod, Kindle and such are more important to them than human values!!!!! I said this years ago, and I stand by this now, darlings--much as I love the Internet, for all the good it has done, and for all that I myself use it--as attested here--were I to awaken tomorrow, and it were gone, I could function!!!! But too many people could not!!!! The mental institutions of this country would be filled to overflowing!!!!!!

So, girls, mark December 16 on your calendars, when "Carnage" opens here. What a lovely Christmas gift, from Roman Polanski to America!!!! You know, I will be there, and, so help me, should a fight break out, you know I will be in the middle of the melee, and report it all to you!!!!!!!!

And darlings, I hear there is a rumor that Ruth Gordon will make a special cameo appearance as Minnie Castevet!!!!!!

Just plain, ordinary Lipton's Tea, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!