Are There No Prostitutes In Queens?????????????????

                         Remember how excited I got on the last bus trip, when I saw a real, live prostitute at the Joyce Kilmer Service Center, not far from my hometown, of Highland Park, New Jersey??????  Well, girls, yesterday we took our scheduled L and M Bus Tour to Montauk, so  when we pulled into some Queens rest stops, like the McDonald's in Bayside, I was dismayed to find not a single prostitute, lurking about.
Does that mean there are no hookers in Queens?  How come; it's a borough of trash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It looks trashy!!!!!!!!!!!  Trashier than the other boroughs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                      As for the trip to Montauk, no, we did no encounter Roberta, much to my disappointment.  We covered the touristy sections only, and, unlike Sag Harbor, which I prefer, there was no main town street for running into people.  So, I could not, to my regret, storm the Montauk Bookstore.

                       The Montauk lighthouse was strikingly beautiful, as was the weather, which cooperated with us.  Montauk's scenic splendor was in evidence, not only through nature, but through Declan, the nice, young Irish lad, who waited on us at our very tasty, if expensive, lunch at Gosman's.  But Declan was so charming, who cared how much it cost?

                        As with these bus tours, you run into some characters, but, dolls, I am telling you, this trip took the cake.  For starters, there was Jeff and Susan, who got off in Bayside.  He kept saying the woman with him was his girl friend, but I am telling you, she is his special needs daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!  At least, that is how it looked.

                        Then there were the two well retired flight stewardesses, who lived in Manhattan, where they are probably still sharing the same rent controlled apartment they have had since 1936.  Between them they must be paying $26 a month in rent; that's $13 apiece.  Sounds good to me!  I don't know how these two live with each other; one was kvetching about everything--the air conditioning was too cold, then too hot. The bathroom smelled, the sound on the movie was too loud, then too low. Our tour guide, Roberto, was threatened with not getting a tip!  But the highlight, was when one of the women got up, with the garbage bag stuck to her pants, which kept coming off, so that I got to see an older woman's panties!  I am telling you, I almost screamed!!!!!!!!!!!  And they were not Depends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                      I will never forget Carol, from Forest Hills.  If you thought Ronee Blakley's breakdown monologue in "Nashville" was impressive, you should have heard this one.  She never took a breath!!!!!!!!!!!

                       Carol sat behind us, latched onto the poor woman sitting next to year, where she gave an account of her life.  A retired medical social worker, who has hundreds of boy friends since her teens, but is off men, but not a lesbian, she has also worked as a home aide, lived in San Francisco, Houston, had a  nervous breakdown somewhere in California, came back East, lived with her mother, and now owns a co-op in Forest Hills, across from the CVS, where she earns $50 a month supplemental income by bottle collecting.
I mean, you have to hand it to her; she says she is happy being alone, which is admirable to a point.  I mean, when I was alone, you heard how unhappy I was about that!  Now, I am not alone, but happy.  So, Carol dear, admirable as you are--and believe me, I do admire someone who can make a life for themselves, but how do you keep that co-op???--maybe there is a reason for your being alone, and it starts with yourself.  We love you, Carol, but you need help, dear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                    So, it was quite a day.  Scenic splendor and emotional turmoil.  Just what one gets from L and M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                    If only we had run into Roberta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!