"Funny Girl"...NOT! Ha!!!!!!!!!!Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See what happens, when I'm not cast in a role??????

No sooner, girls, had I arrived back home, then my phone began ringing off the hook!!!!! "Did you hear about 'Funny Girl,'? friends and acquaintances asked. "It has been scrapped."

Well, sweeties, of course I heard. In fact, I found out yesterday morning, at the West Palm Beach Airport, where Monsieur and I were awaiting our flight homeward. He happened to be reading The New York Times, and alerted me to the story.

I should not say, "I told you so," but to Barlett Sher, for whom I blame the whole thing, I WILL say, "I told you so!!!!"

Had Bart cast me, darlings, he would not be in this situation!!!!!!

What happened was that three of the show's investors decided to pull their money out of the venture. The amount came to something like a million each, which put the show at a $3million loss. It was supposedly booked for the Imperial Theatre here on Broadway, in the Spring, and at the Ahmanson in Los Angeles either later this year, or very early next!!!!!!

The story given is that, with such big revivals as "Evita" and "The Gershwins' 'Porgy And Bess'" hitting Broadway in the same season, the rialto would be glutted with revivals, and "Funny Girl" wouldn't stand a chance!!!!!!

HAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No one is saying, or will, but I would not be surprised if these investors attended some kind of "backers audition" and were not impressed with what they saw!!!! Not only with Robert Carnivale, who seems woefully miscast for the role of Nicky Arnstein, but, more important, Lauren Ambrose in the title role, on whose shoulders this entire production depends. I can guarantee you, if she performed, they would not have been impressed, because, just from her ersatz rendition of "My Man" with her band (which can be seen on YouTube) it is apparent Lauren never had the chops to do the role!!!!!!!!

Listen, girls, I admit "Funny Girl" is a problematic show!!!!! Not only because the production has to be sumptuous enough to replicate both New York's Lower East Side and the Ziegfeld Era, but, call it a Curse, if you want, the Specter of BARBRA inevitably hangs over this show. As I said, earlier on here, Sher, whose ego was elevated by his successful productions of "The Light In The Piazza" and "South Pacific," both at Lincoln Center, became convinced he could do no wrong, suffering from the ailment I came to call "Taymoritis" (after Julie Taymor, whose failure with "Spider Man--Turn Off The Dark" consigned her career to the Island of Lost Directors, where Sher is soon headed!!!!!). Thinking that he could cast ANYONE in the lead and it would not matter; recognizing the difficulty of finding a Second Barbra Streisand, he instead went as far afield, Streisand-wise, as he could go, with Lauren, which may not been a bad idea IF she had the chops. She is supposed to be playing Fanny Brice, and comes across about as Jewish as Peggy Wood playing the Mother Abbess in "The Sound Of Music." Not to mention--and this is MOST important--she cannot sing the score!!!!!!!!!!

Is there any theatrically savvy of my girls out there who is surprised by any of this????? If so, then you surprise ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now--

IF Bartlett Sher had heeded my advice, and gone ahead and cast me as Fanny, the show would still be en route. True, you do have to get away from the Streisand thing, which you would have with me, on the basis of gender alone!!!!! Having grown up in Highland Park, New Jersey, I could certainly adapt myself to SEEM Jewish. Plus, I could belt out this score, like nobody's business; unlike Harvey Fierstein, who would make the late Bea Arthur seem like the late Renata Tebaldi!!!!! "I'm The Greatest Star????" Piece of cake!!!!! "Coronet Man"???? Honey, once I get to, "A powdered blue Norfolk suit," I soar!!!!! I wouldn't mind singing "The Music That Makes Me Dance"; however, I am convinced had this show made it to Broadway, it would have ended as the film did--with Fanny, alone onstage, singing "My Man" to blackout, and tumultuous applause. And I can certainly sell that song!!!!!!!

I would not blame the three investors. I would say they were just exhibiting good judgement and common sense. Bart, if you had not been so egotistical and self-righteous in your endorsements of Lauren, putting your mouth where there in fact was no money, you would not be in the sorry fix you are today!!!!! You have no one to blame but yourself. Take his hand, Julie, and guide him to that misfit island!!!!!!!

I want to laugh, but I cannot help feeling a little sad. It WOULD be nice, in my lifetime, or for those too young to have seen BARBRA, to see a professionally mounted production of "Funny Girl" on the Broadway stage. I think it is still possible.

And I hold out a sliver of hope!!!! Now that this has been scrapped, perhaps someone WILL take a chance on me!!!! After all, I have only been training for the role since the age of nine, ever since BARBRA opened it at the Winter Garden!!!! I've got 36 expressions, and everything!!!!!!!!!

Believe me, darlings, these are facts, I've got no ax to grind!!!!!! I am sorry about what happened, but not surprised!!!!!!!

I now stand ready to give them hell!!!!! After all, that's life in the theater!!!!!!!!!