Oh, My God, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!! Connie Belted Bobby!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, darlings, I am not talking about Connie Stevens, or even Connie Francis!!!!!!! No, I am talking about Conroy "Connie" Smith, the sociopath perp played by an actor with the prosaic name of "Billy Lush" in the "Law And Order Criminal Intent" episode from 2003, entitled "Sound Bodies."

What a hoot this story was!!!!!! First, it is set in some isolated inlet community off Long Island Sound (sort of like a version of City Island), which is so insular it would make the men of Stepford seem like forward thinkers!!!!!!!!!

Of course, all things social in this little hamlet revolve around the church, an innocuous place, until someone decides to do a Jim Jones, spiking the punch so that some adult parishioners are poisoned!!!!!!!!!!!! Which attracts the interest of Goren and Eames. One of these parishioners lost a son in a boating accident, as did two others. The boys went out on the Sound in a rowboat, and mysteriously drowned. They called 911 but were not heeded. When Goren and Eames view the vessel, it becomes apparent the boat was tampered with. This was no accident; the boys were murdered. But why???????????

An autopsy reveals that the boys were all infected with gonorrhea!!! This leads to the discovery of a promiscuous teenage sex ring on the island, which the teens are very likely using to rebel against all the small town religiosity being shoved down their throats. The only one who does not seem to participate is Conroy "Connie" Smith, nephew of the church's Reverend, who espouses a righteous tone of superiority at not participating in these acts, even though it becomes immediately apparent to Goren and viewers that he really wants to!!!!! With his loner status, and his claims that his mother left him with relatives because she is out doing "important work," he is looking good to the detectives as a suspect in something.

The story then dovetails into a combination of mind control, and Arthur Miller's "The Crucible." A group of tightly knit teenage girls seem to be closing ranks, keeping too many secrets. When one of these, Claudia Goodman, ends up hospitalized, surviving a suicide attempt, her veneer of propriety slips and reveals a seething hatred toward the other girls, and Connie Smith, who she says acts as some sort of controlling ringleader. She tells them Connie spun them this story of all of them going to Utah and being their own community. Uh, huh!!!!!!!!! Do I hear the word CULT, darlings?????????

Connie is very well read--Herman Hesse, Kahlil Gabrain-- and spouts aphorisms from "Siddhartha" and "The Prophet" to fit his own sociopathic, murderous, control ridden, sexually exploitative agenda. He got the girls to spike the punch with poison, leading to those deaths, and Tina, another girl, confesses to rigging the boat, resulting in the drowning of the boys. They all insist they are guilty, but will do ANYTHING to protect Connie from being named as perp!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Connie is a piece of work, and Goren has had just about enough!!!!!!!
And, frankly, so have I!!!!!!!!! I may be well read, darlings, but I never used it to kill anyone. I read all that Hesse and Gabrain crap as an adolescent, but once you move beyond that, you come to see, like Salinger, that while the writing may be brilliant, the messages are not especially timeless down through the ages!!!!!!!

The scene in the Interrogation Room has GOT to be seen to be believed!!
Goren goads Connie, telling him his mother is NOT doing important work; she is a tramp, who abandoned him, and is just screwing around, waiting tables, out West. He starts to crack, and when Goren finally gets him to admit it was Tina who betrayed him, he stands up and delivers such a stinging blow to Goren's cheek that he actually turns!!!!!!! But, honey, with just an almost inaudible "Ouch!" he grabs and pins Connie by the arms, giving him a dose of his own medicine, until the cops come in to haul off the maniacally screaming teen ("You all deserve it!" (death)) to the prison or loony bin, where he, presumably will be imprisoned for life.

This episode is a good warning against communal insularity, religious fanaticism, and the fruits of knowledge being used for evil purposes!!!!!! While the story may seem contrived and derivative at times, stay with it to see the scene between Connie and Goren!!!!!!!!!!

And don't allow this show to promote burning your library card!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!