Bye, Bye, January!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                   It is the most difficult of months for me.  Christmas and all its attendant hoopla is dimantled, I await anxiously for the arrival of my W-2 (which I sweat out every year, and get; I got this year's the other day, but will not blog about the disappearance of my anxiety disorder over it, until it is in my accountant;s hands!!!!!!!!), and the Winter now draws out to a seemingly interminable time.  The irony is this month is not only the birthday of my beloved Monsieur, (New Year's Day, in fact!!!!) which is one good thing about it, but, ironically, this was supposed to have  been MY birth month, as well.

                   I was due to arrive sometime in mid-January 1955, but, being the accelerated sort, made my entry two months early--even from birth, I had to upstage, darlings!!!!!!!!!--on November 18, 1954!!!!!!!!!!  I have always wondered--but, of course, will never know--if, had I been born as scheduled, would I feel differrently toward this month, or not!  It would be awful to hate the month of your birth!  I just LOVE November, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                  What I do know is that, as of today, we have gotten through one twelfth of 2014.  And February is a short month, and then comes March, wbich always makes  me feel hopeful.  As does my Monsieur!

                    So, bye bye, January!!!!!  You weren't as bad as I thought--we had a lot of fun--the party at Allan's, Monsieur's birthday at Chadwicks, "Matilda!"--yet I know, when December 31 of this year rolls around, I will experience that periodic anxiety again!  Thank God, there is Monsieur to help me through it!

                     One month closer to Spring!  See you in February, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She Was The Second Most Powerful Swan, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Amid the constellation of Swans, created by Truman Capote, who made them his own personal coterie, Babe Paley ruled!  But, she was followed right on her heels by Slim Keith!

                                      I mean, who wouldn't want to look like this, darlings???????  I am not sure an afternoon at Elizabeth Arden could do this for me!

                                       Slim was gorgeous, but she was also colorful.  She was as at home at a social tea, as she was hunting big game with Ernest Hemingway!  Slim was a gal, who could be one of the boys; one of her husbands was macho film director (but, let us not forget he also directed the distinctly non-macho "Bringing Up Baby!!!") Howard Hawks!!!!!   Not to mention Leland Hayward, before he left her for she who has been called "the great horizontal of the Twentieth Century"--Pamela Harriman!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       Would you believe, darlings, that Slim hails from the same town as Jodi Arias? That's right--Salinas, California.   Slim was born there on July 15, 1917--as Mary Rae Gross!  I mean--God!!!!!!!!!!!!  Fortunately, her mother changed her name to Nancy, and from the moment she stepped onto Life's scene, she was gorgeous.  If Babe Paley was perfect, Slim Keith was impeccable.  She inspired the blonde California look, that would go on to become an appearance and fashion mainstay!  It would also do wonders for future beauties, like Grace Kelly, who might not have had a career if Slim hand not set the precedent before her!

                                         Imagine, having appeared on the cover of "Harper's" by age 22!  I haven't landed a cover shot, yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There was her whirlwind of husbands, (which included a daughter, Kitty, by Howard Hawks), then her friendship with Capote and the Swans!  The day Esquire Magazine came out with "La Cote Basque," in November of 1975, Slim received a call from Babe Paley, asking if she had seen what Truman wrote!  Slim, who was then staying in a suite at the Pierre, where you know I sometime plan to stay, darlings, did the same thing I would have--sent her maid down for a copy!!!!!!!!!!  When she read it, she was shocked, and Truman became Manhattan's Number One Social Pariah!!!!!!!!!!!   Though I keep telling you girls--wait till you read MY "Answered Prayers!"

                                          This last thing I don't understand, being a child of a mother who died like Slim and Babe--of lung cancer!  Somehow, in their era, women smoking was seen as being most elegant!  This I have never understood!  Maybe because of my judgement being colored by my mother!  But Babe and Slim smoked like chimneys, and both died of lung cancer!

                                             You have to be tall and lanky to pull off the Slim Keith look!!!!!  So, forget it, I'll never do it!  But, then, neither could Truman Capote!  All he could do was look, and appreciate!  And learn about fashion designers!!!!!!!!!!

                                               Which is just fine with me, darlings!

Now, Here Is A Remedy For The Winter Blues!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       On to more cheerful topics, girls,  Especially after the last couple of posts, it is time to get backs to Swans, Truman Capote, the social scene, and such matters of importance.

                                         When I was first navigating the social scene of this city, darlings, I learned the importance of being seen at Afternoon Tea.  Back in the day, the place of  choice was the Palm Court, at the Plaza Hotel, which was pretty magical.  I even had my personal waiter, Boris!!!!!!!!!!  He served me every time I would walk in!!!!!!  With the palm fronds, and the music, and the tea and scrumptious savories, it was this side of Heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          But Times do change!  Let me start by saying that, at  this now distant point in time, the price of tea--the whole magilla--at the Palm Court was $23 a person!  If the Plaza still existed today, it would be close to three times that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            There are no shortage of places still, for Afternoon Tea.  But the best of them, the one that most closely follows earlier traditions, is the one at the St. Regis Hotel, held from 3PM to

 5PM in the stunning Astor Court.


                                       I mean, just look, darlings, such understated elegance!  I could call Lee (Radzwill) and Gloria (Vanderbilt) right now, and arrange for a gathering!  I should!  In fact, I should invite all my girls here, for tea!  It would be great business for the St. Regis, and we could, for a few pleasurable hours, return to an era of style and gracious living!  Before there was crap like "Spring Awakening" on Broadway!

                                        Even alone, a person could bring their Dickens (I am still plowing through "Little Dorrrit"), Eliot, Austen, Brontes, or Trollope, and peruse for an afternoon, sipping and nibbling.  I mean, you would not DARE bring any other kind of literature into this place.  Truman Capote, maybe?  Otherwise, a girl could get thrown out!  And that is a thing you do not want to have getting around town!  Not even a hardback copy of "The Two Mrs. Grenvilles," so keep that at home in your night table drawer!

                                         Just writing about this has me shivering with anticipation.  If Babe or Slim were still alive, I would phone immediately!!!!!!  Is Gloria home?  Maybe I should call her!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          In any case, I must make a visit here one of my goals for this year!  And if  I do, you will all be with be, or otherwise get a full report!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           See you at teatime, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                 

How About Mothers-In-Law From Hell, Darlings????????????????

                            No sooner was I referencing Hedra Carlson in my last post, then I started thinking about real life Mother-In-Law From Hell, Carol Carlson. She, and her son, Dan, were SO ugly, I could not fiond pictures of them, darlings!!!!!  Together, with  Dan, they killed Dan's wife, Lisa, so they could get custody of the twin boys.  Lisa and Dan were about to get a divorce, and she was going to leave, because she finally did come to her senses!  But all that stopped on July 18, 1998, in rural Kapowsin, Washington.

                            What Lisa did not realize was that Dan was just one step shy of being Norman Bates.  You know the old rhyme, "Sex, sex, sex, with Oedipus Rex!  He Loved his mother?"  Pretty darn close, here.

                             The first red flag was when the Carlsons, under the guise of helping the financially strapped couple, had them move into a guest house on their own property, just hundreds of feet away from their own home. Then Carol, because of extreme proximity, could start telling Lisa how to raise their children.  Meanwhile, Lisa discovers the reason they moved there was that Dan was in a shit load of debt--credit cards, and the like (but what did he spend it on????)--and the parents bailed out their psychologically castrated son!!!!!!!!

                           Dan Carl;son was one guy who should not have gotten married, because the only love in his life was Mama.  And Carol made sure of that!  You know what he was?  A male nurse!  I am telling you, if he had never married Lisa, and with Carol as a mother, he would have become another Charles Cullen/Annie Wilkes!!!!  You can bet on it!

                            So, instead of multiple victims, there was only one!  But that was enough.  Prior to the murder, Lisa had been seeing, and having a relationship, with their friend, Sean.  What's more, balls-less Dan knew about it, and approved; the Carlsons were all up in arms because of the boys, and that it made them look bad!  None of your business!  Darryl, Carol's hubby, even went over there, and attacked Lisa so bad, he was arrested for assault!

                            Which is when Lisa finally got the idea to leave.  But, on that July 1998 day, mother and son decided Lisa had to go, to  keep the boys for themselves.  Amazingly, Darryl did not seem to know anything about it!  They broke into Lisa's place, and killed her. No one is sure, to this day, who did all the work, but I can tell you, with absolute certainty, it was Carol.  Her son had no balls, so he just watched Mommy clean up his mess!  Then she positioned Lisa's body on the couch, to make it look as if she had been masturbating, while watching porn!!!!  Huh??????  How sick is that?  Bet Mommy made son Danny and those boys suck wisdom from her teat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               The Carl;sons prove there is such a thing as too much togetherness.  Girls, if your relations suggest such a thing, as living so close, head for the hills!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Now, Mother and Son, who loved each other so much, are behind bars, for Life, and can't even throw kisses to each other from their cells!  Meanwhile, cuckold Grandpa Darryl is raising the boys, but Lisa's parents have legal visiting rights, so maybe they can turn them to the Good Side!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Remember, girls, you are safe only if your Mothers-In-Law are Eve Arden, and Kaye Ballard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               

That Amanda Knox! I Knew It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                        Amanda Knox finally got what has been coming to her, for years, darlings!  She was finally found guilty of the murder of her British exchange student roommate, Meredith Kercher, back in November of 2007, in Perugia, Italy!!!!!  This slattern Miss, with her boy toy boy friend Raffaele  Sollecito (who recently fled to the border of Italy, trying to get into Austria, are the Couple From Hell!!!!!!!!  And headed straight to it!!!!!

                        Meredith Kercher's family must be happy they are finally seeing the Light Of Justice, and so am I!  Just look at Amanda. Foxy Knoxy????  Hardly.  I don't get it.  She has  the look of a calculating  sociopath, to me.  Her demeanor and look recall Jennifer Jason Leigh as Hedra Carlson, in 1992'a "Single White Female."  And we all know how that one turned out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         Creative Writing classes at the University Of Washington, and writing a children's book!  Yeah, right! "The Children's Guide To Murder?"  "How To Beat A Murder Rap???"   "The Ways And Means Of Avoiding Extradition?"  Real teaching aids, Amanda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         Let me tell you something, girls!  This couple knew just what they were doing.  Black Widow Spider Amanda lured boy toy Raffaele into her web!  Obviously, Miss Seattle (what an insult to that city, as I know many fine folk, who reside there!!!!!!!!!!) was, from birth, the Center Of Her Own Universe!  It's all Amanda's World, and the rest of us just happen to live in it!  So, of course, once she got her clutches on Raffaele, she wanted him and the house/apartment all to herself, and saw Meredith as an obstacle that had to be eliminated!  With tragic results for Meredith and family!!!!!!!!!!!

                          But did Amanda care about that?  Oh, no; all she cares about is....Amanda!  I hope she is extradited to Italy, and shot in front of a firing squad!!!!!!!!!  I hope its internationally televised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is the real Justice Amanda needs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            So many said I was wrong all along about Amanda.  But I kept my ground!

                             Who's wrong now, darlings????????????? So, I am telling you, keep your eyes and ears now on what I say, and have said, about Jodi Arias!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               Amanda is one crazy bitch, but Jodi is the bitch I am crazy about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Tale Of Two Gerrys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 If there is one species of humanity on this planet I mortally despise, it is the Closeted Gay Male. Most of whom, by the way, are Republicans!  They say they are gay, yet are able to make it with women, so, in my book, they are not gay!  I defy anyone to disagree with me! GO AHEAD!  The ones who marry end up ruining the lives of the women, and children, if any are had.  This is unconscionable enough, but Gerald Metcalf did something worse.  He took the life of a fellow gay man.

                                 That man was Gerry Jackson.  On December 29, 1971, while cruising a certain section of San Diego, he met Jackson, who was  just finishing a shift working at one of the local gay watering holes, the Barbary Coast. He invited Metcalf home, a tryst took place, then both went to sleep.  Unfortunately, before morning, Metcalf awoke. Instead of doing what most one night stands do--walk out, or leave a note saying "Hasta la vista, baby!," this guy, consumed with rage and guilt over having explored the so-called forbidden side of his sexuality, grabs a butcher knife from the kitchen, and stabs Jackson, sixty five times, leaving his nude and bloodied body on the floor.  Then, he takes some stuff from the apartment, to make it look as if Jackson simply disappeared--taking his car to Mexico and leaving it there, turning in a stereo system to a pawn shop.  Metcalf was 24 and Jackson was 27.

                                     Then, this remorseless monster blocks it out of his head--conveniently--marries, and raises a family--even becoming a Sunday school teacher!  I am telling you, these are the ones to watch out for! And then folks wonder why I am so crazy about Jodi Arias!  Hey, Jodi, could you go after this guy??????? He deserves it!

                                         Forget that he had a history of mental illness. Forget he supposedly was paranoid schizophrenic, and that, during their marriage, his wife had twice hat to have him incarcerated in a mental hospital. What he did to Jackson was pure homophobia, and it is inexcusable and indefensible!!!!!!!!!!

                                         At 61, he was finally tracked down, in 2008, arrested, tried, convicted, and--get this--given a 5 year to Life sentence!!!!!!!!!!  He was released in three years, and is living in Texas!

                                         I think he should be required to register as a Sex Offender, so his neighbors can know what scum is living among them!  There should be no peace for this filth, who deprived Gerry's family and friends of a loving person who, evidently, was at piece with himself and his sexuality!

                                          No one said growing up gay is easy!  Especially as many don't know they are doing it, while it happens!  I can attest to that, girls!!!!!!!!!!!  But once that sinks in, either accept it, or live the life you think you should--and stick to it! Don't try and have it both ways, which is what these guys do!
Which shows I do not believe in bisexuality, either!  Go ahead, attack me, I don't care!

                                            But I am telling Gerald Metcalf here and now--what goes around, comes around.  If Life doesn't do to you what you did to Gerry Jackson, wait till that Life is over!

                                              Satan awaits you on the Other Side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Broadway Backstage Child Abuse Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     When life imitates art, darlings, it often is not very pretty, but, in the case of what is going on, over at "Matilda," it is downright macabre.

                                        In the fictitious show, which takes place on stage, the school children are menaced  by the horrible headmistress, Miss Trunchbull.  Off stage, however, these very skilled performers, who work their tails off on stage, I can tell you, are menaced by this week's winner of the Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award--the Associate Director, Tom Caruso.

                                         Don't let that look of placidity fool you, dolls!  According to Alissa Zulvergold, billed as the show's "child wrangler," which sounds shady but is not--she is responsible for the children keeping their cool, both on stage and off, see that they eat properly, and do their homework, when needed--he is causing such a fuss that if Babe Paley and Slim Keith were still alive, they would be phoning each other, and the Swans, about him, after reading this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Apparently, Mr. Caruso is applying to his young charges the Joe Mantello School Of Intimidation, when it comes to directing.  He castigates, yells, verbally abuses, and maligns the children so much, many burst into tears, or run in hysterics to their dressing rooms.  One of these children, Marcus D'Angelo, is so overwrought emotionally by all this, that, out of nervousness, he bites his right sleeve. And Caruso has called him on it!

                                             And who is Caruso hardest on?  All the current Matildas!  Is this to get them into character? Bullshit! And don't tell me that tired story about Vincente Minnelli and Margaret O'Brien. I knew it before most of you did, and that was 70 years ago. Times have changed, and so have the rights of actors, especially child actors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             You better believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                           
                                            The parents are upset, but want the kids to keep their jobs.  Uh huh.

                                            Zulvergold has cited all this in a letter to the show's Company Managers, calling for a change in managerial style.  I'll say!  But not before I give Tom a taste of his own medicine!

                                              Hey, Caruso, yo'!!!!!!!!!!!  You wanna pick on someone your own size?????  Get over here, you cowardly bitch!  You think you can intimidate ME??????  Try it!  Once this is posted, honey, your career is over, and you will be picking spuds out of ash cans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               Maybe the children who revolt on stage in "Matilda" should do so off!!!!!!!!

                                               Agatha Trunchbull has nothing on Tom Caruso!  And just as in the show on stage, I think his days are numbered, off!

                                                They should be! Sick bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   

Let's Live By These Words, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Darlings, when it comes to Truman Capote's Swans, C.Z. Guest was one of my favorites.  Born as Lucy Douglas Cochrane, on February 19. 1920. she dominated the planet and  the social scene for 83 years.  She was of the Cochranes  of Boston, girls, but when she married Winston Frederick Churchill Guest on March 8, 1947, she was forevermore C.Z. Guest! (This overlooked her having technically been a chorus girl, having appeared in the "Ziegfeld Follies Of 1944.")  

                                      Of course she knew Babe, both Glorias (Guinness and Vanderbilt), Slim Keith, and all the other Swans. She was part of the whole "Answered Prayers" thing, who was as devastated as anyone by what Truman Capote had written.  Wait till you see what I eventually write, darlings!  I should go to Arizona soon, for Jodi Arias' retrial, I could be the next Dominick Dunne. Better than that Chris Mason, who, thankfully has vanished from sight.  He made Truman and I look butch!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        But when it came to elegance, C.Z. Guest was one of the best. What a pleasure it would have been to have tea with her!

                                           And, speaking of tea, darlings, I will more to say about that, later. The place to be seen, having tea, bar none, is the St. Regis!  If you want to be a socialite, lambs, you simply have to go there.

                                             As elegantly dressed as C.Z. Guest, of course!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To Be A Socialite, Darlings, You First Have To Look Like This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            I wish I knew who shot this classic photo of Babe Paley, darlings!  The person is probably not alive today--neither is Babe--but I could get someone to recreate it, using me.  I mean, the lighting, for that creamy skin!!!!!!!!!!  I have just GOT to have it!  But I won't smoke, girls!  I may mysteriously cover my mouth, but I won't smoke.

                              If I am to be the Baby Boomer Truman Capote, then I have got to hit the social scene!  But where is it, these days?  The East Village? God, I hate going down there!  La Grenouille?  I guess I could show up there, for a couple of meals!!!!!!!!!!!

                               I've always thought, especially since the birth of this blog, that the New York social scene was anywhere I just happened to be. Clearly, I am the Babe Paley of Bay Ridge, but how many people actually know it?

                                  I simply cannot stop staring at the photo. If I had to name my favorite glamour photo of all time, this would be it!

                                    Maybe I should add some red nail polish?

                                     Oh, and just so you are all up on things---Sunday, we are seeing the new Charles Busch play, "The Tribute Artist." So, that is the place to be that day, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      And let's hope the Ground Hog sees its shadow.

                                      See you all at the Colony Club, girls!  Or whatever equivalent I can find!

Would You Believe, Girls, That This Woman Was Once One Of Truman Capote's Swans??????????????????????????

                                 Do any of my girls know who this woman is?  If you don't, I will not be surprised or disappointed. That is Gloria Vanderbilt.  Once, she was happy at last, then she launched a jeans line, but when that went under, and a son threw himself off their roof in front of her,well little Gloria had much to be unhappy about.  Maybe that is why her looks deteriorated, because, as you can see, she looks here like Madame Dracula!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Of course, she looked like that on some of the jeans commercials I recall from the 1970s.  But, let me tell you, once upon a time, she was a stunner. No wonder she was one of Truman's swans!  Here, take a look!

                                    Wasn't she something, girls??????????  I never looked that good, in my day, believe me!  But, fortunately I do not look like Gloria now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      I have always been fascinated with The Swans, but a bit more lately.   I wonder what is going on?  Could they be calling me to write something about them?  Is my mission to become the Truman Capote of my generation????????  I wouldn't mind, darlings, but, at 59, Truman already had all his great works behind him. And he died, at that age, the same as mine now!

                                         Who would be The Swans today?  Can we count such stunners among us?

Blythe Danner, definitely!!!!!!!!!!  Julianne Moore???????  Maybe!  But who else?   With the elimination of the Colony Club, not to mention Lutece, La Cote Basque and La Caravelle, is there any cafe society anymore???????  Maybe I should reinvent it!  Perhaps I could hang out for luncheon at La Grenouille.  That could be fun!  And with wine!

                                           And what an "Answered Prayers" I would write!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Kind Of Low Life Scum Does This To A Theater Queen?????????? Let Alone A Critic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     I know actors fantasize about all the nasty things they would like to do to critics who give them bad notices, but I have a feeling Randy Gener could handle that. He would put those actors firmly in their place, just as I would!  Freedom Of The Press, loves!   As Neely says, "That's a change from the fags you are usually stuck with."

                                       But what happened to Randy Gener went way beyond this. It did not even involve the theater, per se.  The evening of January 17, he had gone to see the play "Machinal," which I would not mind seeing darlings, as it deals with the execution of Ruth Snyder.  Perfect for me, loves!!!!!!!!!!  After the show, Randy, like any self-respecting Theater Queen or critic, went to a premiere party, following the performance.  Now, tell me, girls, who among us can resist a party????????  It's part of our genetic makeup, dolls, along with moisturizing and cream rinse!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          While nearing his apartment on West 54th and Seventh Avenue, some Hispanic scum emerged out of the shadows, punched Gener hard, in the face, then, like a coward, fled in a taxi.

                                               What the hell is this, "West Side Story?"  "One of your own kind/Stick to your own kind?"  That took place in the heat of Summer, when passions and tempers flare.  In the dead of this Winter cold, things like this prick should be home hibernating with their alcohol, or whatever it is lowlifes do, when they are holed up.

                                                  Make no mistake about it, this is a hate crime.  What I cannot figure if it was anti-gay, or anti-culture; the attacker was Hispanic, while Gener is Filipino.  

                                                     Theater Queens, I demand we unite!  Take command of the Theater District, like a band of marauding vampires!  This is our turf, and no one is taking it away from us!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      Go crawl under the subway tunnels, and shoot up, until Spring, you low lifes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He Taught Generations A Lot, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              "Where have all the flowers gone?
                                                Young girls have picked them everyone.
                                                 Oh, when will they ever learn?
                                                 Oh, when will they ever learn?"
                                                     --Pete Seeger, "Where Have All The Flowers Gone"



                                      The passing of Pete Seeger--at a ripe old 94--sadly is another symbol of an era's ending.  He educated generations with his music, artistry, and social consciousness, long before Judy, Joan or Joni took up their instruments. Thank God they are still around to carry on Pete's legacy.

                                         Very few my age do not know "Where Have All The Flowers Gone," but some may not realize that a song he actually wrote--the social protest classic "If I Had A Hammer"--did not actually become a hit, until Peter, Paul and Mary recorded it.  They sold it, but they did not write it. Pete Seeger did.  And I never realized he had a hand in the composing of "Kisses Sweeter Than Wine."

                                           Generations learned from Pete, and now his survivors must continue to teach succeeding generations his legacy, keeping the music and the messages going.  His  passing is sad, but the work will live on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               Rest In Peace, Pete!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               You did not think I would let an opportunity to share the artistry get away from me, now, would you? So, here is Pete doing his signature, "Where Have All The Flowers Gone?"

                                                 Followed, inevitably, by Peter, Paul and Mary--at Newport, I think-- doing "If I Had A Hammer!!"  This one still brings me to tears!!!!!!!!!  And how Mary is missed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Sing On, Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Matilda!" Is Sheer Theatrical Magic, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              I related to "Matilda!." darlings, I can tell you, at least the part about not being recognized in school for being superior to those around you!  You better believe it, and I cheered Matilda (played by a very impressive Paige Brady!) on, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               When I saw this first presented on last year's TONY Awards, I thought for sure this would take Best Musical.  Imagine losing out to "Kinky Boots!"  This should have won!  The story is infectious, the kids are great, the choreography is outstanding, and two songs, "When I Grow Up" (not to be confused with the more cloying, but similarly titled song, from the 1935 Shirley Temple film, "Curly Top!!!!) and the spectacular, "Revolting Children!," are genuine show stoppers.   And the show has pace and drive--it never stops moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our packed audience was captivated from curtain rise to curtain fall!

                                   Monsieur really liked it, which was a good thing, as this was his birthday present!  I expected I would enjoy it, but not so much as I did!  It is dark, with imaginative production design, and the ensemble here works hard, on a par with the boys over at "Newsies!!!!!!!!!"

                                       I am telling you, when Miss Trunchbull was tossing out quality literature, and telling Matilda not to read it, I thought back to that Norma Brodsky, and Mary Beinhower.  Screw you, you jerks!!!!!!!!!!   Like "Matilda" says, sometimes, to get somewhere, you have to be a little bit naughty!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Now, if only they would make those T-shirts for men, too!  Please????????????

                                        Want to see a bit of the magic, loves????????  Here it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Her"..............What The Hell Is It???????????????????????????

                                       All right, girls, I know that the voice is Scarlett Johansson,  and I know the guy is Joaquin Phoenix.  But how does a computer have sex, and achieve an orgasm?  And why do we have to watch it?  Nor did I particularly want to watch Joaquin have one, which is done in facial close-up, to avoid an NC-17 rating, and to keep children of Wall Street daddies from understanding what it is their fathers actually do at work, while the rest of us in the trenches are slogging to earn the pittance we receive.

                                         If this signals that I was not that crazy about the film, you are right, darlings. Actually, my beloved Monsieur liked it more than I did.  I did not hate it--the film has an interesting visual style, thanks to the cinematographer and film editor, who create an isolationist vision of the future worthy of a Technicolor version of Fritz Lang's "Metropolis."

                                            What fascinated me more--and kept me going--was asking myself, continuously, what the film was trying to say?  Was it trying to advocate the advances to technology, to the point where human relationships become almost obsolete?  Is it saying this is bad?  I can tell you up front, girls, I think it is, which is one explanation why I am no techno guru in the computer world.  Most important of all, why should I care?  If the future is moving to this, let us hope the Baby Boomers will long be extinct, and will not have to deal with this desensitized nonsense. But, if we do, then let's fight it!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                One thing the film proves--no matter how much she is frumped up, Amy Adams still is Amy Adams, looking as lovely and radiant as ever!  Which was why I found the climax--where I felt she and Joaquin were going to comitt suicide in some sort of ersatz homage to Frank Capra's "Meet John Doe"--disturbing.   Good news, they don't, and I do not think this was the filmmakers' intentions, largely because the crew that made this would have never heard of either Frank Capra, or "Meet John Doe."
You can tell, just looking at this film!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       To think this film was named Best Picture Of The Year, by the National Board of Review!  And it is nominated for the Best Picture Oscar.  "August:Osage County" was a mess, but at least it was an entertaining one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         And I don't want anyone's voice by my beloved Monseiur!   It is just fine, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                          Wonder whose voice they would have used if this had been "Him?"
My choice, dolls--you guessed it!!!!!!!!!!--would have been Jake Gyllenhaal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                             See this at your risk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Moment Needed Kate Winslet To Top It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              OK, now did everyone see the famous SNL opening, this weekend, with host Jonah Hill????  I just happen to love Jonah, darlings; at times his comedy can be ingratiating, but I am even more impressed when he ventures outside that comfort zone in movies like "Moneyball" and "The Wolf Of Wall Street."  For one thing, it shows what a good actor he can be. And, so far, every time Jonah ventures from that comfort zone, he gets nominated for an Academy Award!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 All of which was part of this opening monologue, as was his razzing on costar Leonardo DiCaprio.  Imagine the surprise, when Leo appeared, and, even more surprising, he and Jonah, reenacted the famous "Am I flying?" sequence from "Titanic."  Jonah stepped into Kate Winslet's role, which shows how strong Leo, after doing films like "Gangs Of New York." has become, as he was able to hold Jonah up so adeptly--no mean feat!  But I think Kate was needed to top off the moment.

                                  What should have happened was--at the end point, Kate should have walked in, stage left, dressed as Mildred Pierce, a la Joan Crawford, standing behind Leo and Jonah. She pauses, then says the famous line, "How long has this been going on?"

                                     That would have been priceless!  And the one thing needed to make this moment even more perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       And, girls, I bet Kate would have gone for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Such Fun, Darlings, To See Julie Harris Play An Understated Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Girls, I am telling you, you are not going to believe this. Remember (for those of us who can!!!!!) back in the 1970s, when ABC would broadcast the TV Movie Of The Week?  Sometimes, they would have some real trashy gems, and one of those I just saw recently--"How Awful About Allan," made in 1970.

                                   This delightful tripe was written for TV by Henry Farrell, who, in his day was better than none on the theme of relatives driving each other nuts. Which he coined with "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?," which some of my girls may recall was a 1959 novel (which I own, and have read, of course!) before it became the definitive Bette Davis Joan Crawford movie.  If Farrell were alive today, he might have come up with something like "Mulholland Drive;" who knows, David Lynch might have been marginally influenced by him.

                                   In this film, Anthony Perkins plays the title role, a young man who is blamed for the death by fire of his brilliant, academic father.   Seems a paint can was left near a radiator, or something, there was combustion, and before you can cry "Psycho!" Perkins' father is screaming in agony, and while Perkins goes in to help, his father directs him away, as the flames are too engulfing. Nevertheless, someone dives in to help; that is his sister, Katherine, older, and played by Julie Harris as a self-effacing spinster.  The fire results  in her being scarred, and I am telling you, when the victims are hauled out of the charnel house at the beginning, and the camera focuses on Harris' scarred face, you can clearly see it is simply make-up rubber stuck onto the side of her cheek!  Well, I guess the budget did not allow for much!

                                   Everyone is traumatized by this.  Even Joan Hackett, nearby neighbor, and fiance of Allan.  Also, this is is set in a university  town, where everyone, even Joan Hackett, as Olive, has some tenuous connection to the university.  None more so than Allan and Katherine, whose father not only was a brilliant academic, but who are the joint inheritors of his legacy--house, papers, everything!  Uh-huh!!!!!!!!  A pretty nice catch, wouldn't you say??????????????????

                                   Bur right now, all have problems to attend to,  themselves. Due to trauma and guilt, Allan is struck blind, and sent--remember, Anthony Perkins is the star, here---to a mental institution!  His sister Katherine has to decide if she is going to live with her scarring or see what Elizabeth Arden can do for her!!!!!!!!!!  And Olive has now become the neighborhood spinster, because it looks like her marriage to Allan is off.

                                   Things are a mess, but they are about to get messier.  At the institution, the doctor, played by the late character actor Robert H. Harris (who appeared in the AIP 1958 film, "How To Make A Monster," not to mention the role of Henry Bellows in the 1967 camp classic "Valley Of The Dolls," as well as Seth Bushwell, the newspaper editor, in the film version of "Petyon Place," just ten years before!) deems Allan fit to be released, so off to home he is whisked, where he is dominated--excuse me!--cared for!!!!-- by
sister Katherine, who has to have more than sibling love on her mind, and Olive, the fiance, now trying to worm her way back into Allan's life again.  With Olive being played by Joan Hackett, it is hard to believe she would wait for years for this nut job. Come on, Joan, you can do lots better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Due to the upkeep of the family home, Katherine has fallen on hard times, so she has to taken in a boarder-- a student-- from the college everyone seems to be connected to.   His name is Harold, but nobody seems to see him.  Soon, though, Alan starts hearing mysterious voices calling his name, and seeing ghostly shapes through his barely discernible vision.  What is going on?  Is someone trying to kill Allan?  Why?  Is there a maniac lose in the house?  Is it the boarder?  Olive? Allan?   Or is Henry Farrell just trying to recycle "Hush...Hush Sweet Charlotte?"  Not a chance that he can top that!

                                      I simply cannot wait to tell you, darlings!  Allan hears his name called from the kitchen, and goes into the pantry, where he finds himself locked in, and a fire ablaze. Fortunately, there is a gigantic bag of flour on hand--what a does a house of two need with so much flour?  Are they starting a bakery????????--which he uses to put out the blaze. Then, he breaks through the door, and confronts his masked attacker, who is a tiny little thing, but must be a stunt double, because, when he pulls the mask off, it is revealed to be Julie Harris as sister Katherine, I had to wonder, "How could she be that strong?"

                                       Imagine!  Miss Julie Harris as a psycho villain!!!!!!!!!  Butter would not melt in this spinster's mouth, though this spinster is not all that spinsterly.  Seems Katherine has an ex-boyfriend, Eric, still hanging around--a real bad boy type, which is what mousy girls are often attracted to--and he has been the mysterious figure Allan has been seeing. The vocal sounds have come from Allan's own recorder, thanks to Katherine--the old "Strait-Jacket" routine.  Best of all is Katherine's motive--she blames Allan for the death of their father whom she calls "the greatest man that ever lived."  He is so great that, in two flashback sequences having all the stylish campy incompetence of "Who Killed Teddy Bear?", Allan is seen being beaten by his father with a ruler. This film is so cheap you can see the ruler just touching the hands, and then hear  the off screen sound of a slap. Katherine, as a child, is sitting watching, and laughing! The bitch!  Then, as a teenager, Allan interrupts Daddy and Katherine in what looks like something private, meaning a sexually abusive father-daughter relationship that Katherine loved!  No wonder she thought Daddy was the greatest!

                                        She had even had the scar removed after Allan went to the loony bin.  But, when he came home, as part of her plan , she put on cheap rubber makeup that would barely make it at a Halloween party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh, come on!

                                        But things end on a hilarious note! Katherine now gets hauled off to the loony bin, Joan now has Allan all to herself, but the trauma of Katherine possibly being released, causes Allan to go blind again--but not before Perkins gives the filmmakers their money's worth by leering his Norman Bates grin at the camera once again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             "How Awful About Allan" should have been titled "How Awful Is This Movie!"  But, I am telling you, to see Julie Harris play a sick bitch is something else!  It has to be seen to be believed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               To my more religious readers, not to worry--Julie is resting in peace now, and God has long ago forgiven her, for this nonsense!

                                                   But, for those who have not seen it, it is SUCH fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, THIS Is The Musical That Should Be Done On Broadway, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!! Not "Rocky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                          Girls, I will never forget sitting in the Village East Cinema on Second Avenue, the late Spring/early Summer of 2007, watching Mitchell Lichtenstein's film, "Teeth." (Mitchell was the son of Roy Lichtenstein, so there really was an artistic sensibility to the film!!!!!)   The audience was simultaneously shrieking with horror, and screaming with laughter. And so was I.

                               In "Teeth," Jess Weixler (whose career, unfortunately, went nowhere!!!!!!) played Dawn, a girl who just wanted to be loved, but she had a slight problem. She suffered from a rare scientific (in fictive terms) medical condition that the filmmakers called "vagina dentata," which is just what it sounds like--there are teeth at the point of entry, so any guy who tries, well.....he loses more than just his virtue if he is a virgin, and if not, bye, bye, manhood!

                                  You could say the whole thing is a male penis fear fantasy. Or the fantasy of a woman suffering from penis envy.  Either way, it is hilarious!  The scene with the dog in the bedroom is hilarious! I am not even going to say more!

                                       So, why am I rhapsodizing about this film, suddenly??????  Well, with "Rocky," due, I am afraid, to arrive soon at the Winter Garden, wouldn't it be more interesting, if something like this were arriving, instead??????????/

                                        A musical version of "Teeth" would be a sensation.   You could have either Lindsay Lohan or Jodi Arias play Dawn, because both are predatory, and, in "A Prairie Home Companion," I believe Lindsay did show she had some musicality. Julie Taymor would have to get in on it, because she would have to design a life size (ie; human size) vagina with teeth, that sings to the audience; you know, a big, show stopping number.  I can see the audiences line up now!  It would be better than "Rocky!"

                                        To think I once dreamed of playing the Winter Garden!  Angela Lansbury played there, in "Mame."  BARBRA was there in "Funny Girl."  Liza appeared there. As did the legendary original production of "Follies."

                                          These days, all I dream of for the Winter Garden is a quality show!

                                           "Teeth" would be that show!

                                             Watch where you poke, boys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They Are The Real Thing, Darlings! Not Like That Connie and Jack, Who Are Just Actors, Posing As Selfish Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Remember, in the 1969 film, "The Honeymoon Killers," when Tony Lo Bianco's character, Ray Fernandez, says to Martha Beck, (played by the great Shirley Stoler) while looking out an apartment window, "Valley Stream. What kind of a name for a town is Valley Stream?"

                                   Well, back when I was a little kid, and watching "Romper Room" on television--you know, young enough to believe this is how the world actually operated--the main sponsor of the program was J.J. Newberry's department store, which carried all the program products, and the most famous branch of all, which they kept touting, (since the "Romper Room" I watched was broadcast from New York City!) was the one at the "beautiful Green Acres Shopping Center, Sunrise Highway, in Valley Stream, Long Island."  I thought, then, this must be the most magical place in the world!

                                      Since then, I have met plenty of people from Long Island, who have told me not to bother going out there--I would be in for one big disappointment.  But now, Valley Stream, just might become the hot place, now!

                                       Ever since this couple, Lee and Morty Kaufman, have appeared on the Swifter mop cleaning commercials, I have said several things! I love them, and I said to Monsieur we should do a commercial of our own, like that!

                                       Now, I thought the Kaufmans were just actors playing this married couple.  Imagine my surprise, when I discovered Lee and Morty Kaufman really are....Lee and Morty Kaufman.

                                        Darlings, they are the most charming and inspirational folks now appearing on TV. And they actually live in Valley Stream!!!!!!!!!!!  It's going to get  popular, now!!!!!!!!!!  Morty is a retired pharmacist--he ran a place in Brooklyn; what a commute.  They married late, in their 40s, after their previous spouses passed on, creating an almost "Brady Bunch" kind of household--he had four children and she had two!  Lee was a teacher, and is now active on the Hunter College Alumna Association, while Morty counsels senior citizens  on course taking at Nassau Community College.

                                          Their daughter, (well, actually, Lee's) Myra Allen, who knew a casting  agent, got them this gig, and things have really taken off. Imagine--these two, in their nineties,  on the 'Ellen' show and the "TODAY Show!!!!!!!!!!!"  It is enough to inspire all of us, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            I hope these two knock that Jack and Connie off the airwaves!  Those selfish two have had more than their share of fame!  Call Children's Services on them, I say!

                                            As for Lee and Morty, I just love them.  Oh, and in our home, I am more like Lee.  I am the one who needs help getting up on the chair, to clean.  We do dance.  And I also steam!!!!!

                                            I cannot wait for the next installment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       

Girls, I Am Telling You, From Now On, The Riverside School Will Have The Biggest Enrollment Drop, Since The Wright-Dobie School For Girls In "The Children's Hour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                You think they had problems, there, darlings????????  All they had to contend with--which was nothing when it comes right down to it, was two adult women supposedly carrying on a--gasp!!!!!!!--LESBIAN relationship!  Kiss, kiss through the keyhole!  Panty raids!!!!!!!  Stockings hanging over shower rods, in plain sight of children!!!!!!!!!!  No wonder those parents removed those kids!!!!!!!!!

                                The Riverside School in Long Island City, should be so lucky.  They have blood on their hands, not alternate sexual orientation. After the body of Avonte Oquendo, who has been missing for several months, was found, or at least remains of him, from the East River, this school is in deep shit, and deservedly so!  First of all, I want to know if Avonte's death was due to accident, or is it a homicide? Because then you have to go after a killer, and that adds more fuel to the fire on this school.

                                  What kind of a school does not keep close tabs on a special needs kid with no audible means of communication?.  A security guard just watches him walk out the door?  No one reports him lost, till long after it was due?  And no one calls the family till an hour after it is established he is  missing?

                                       The people in each of these scenarios not only should be fired from their jobs, they should never be allowed to work with children again.  The Oquendos are going to sue the city for $25 million, and I hope they see every penny of it. But I hope part of this results in the shutting down and demolition of this Hellhole of Negligence, the Riverside School.

                                          Because of said negligence, a child is dead, a family permanently shattered needlessly.  There is no excuse.  There is only justice.

                                            Parents--start removing you kids from the school NOW! Hit them where it hurts the hardest!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              Justice for Avonte!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

"Hold Your Hats, And Hallelujah! Mama's Gonna Show It To You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                          "You either have it! Or you've HAD it!"
                                                          --Ethel Merman as Mama Rose in "Gypsy"

                                   Which brings us to "Rose's Turn," darlings!!!!!!!  Why????????  Because, ever since I first heard the Original Cast album of "Gypsy," at age 12, I have wanted to do this role, and this number.  It is a killer, which is more the reason why I want to do it!  I have the pipes for it, and I can do it!

                                       It kills in two ways.  It demands belting almost the entire time.  There are very few quiet moments in it. There are moments where you can bring it down to a degree, especially if you want to make the big finish at the end.  But, most of the time,  it is full out, in the audience's face.

                                        Then there is the emotional component, which makes the number especially burdensome.  The character has reached a point in her life where she feels rejected, abandoned by everyone, and what does she have left?  The audience has spent the entire evening seeing her knock herself out, for everyone else around her, but what does she have for herself?

                                             Who hasn't felt this at one time, darlings?????????  And, so, in doing "Rose's Turn," to show Rose's demons, the performer has to use their own.  Don't worry; I've got plenty.  And, like Rose, I have been waiting to do this, for a long time.

                                                So, I have decided that, come my 60th birthday in November, I am going to do "Rose's Turn."

                                                  It will be MY "Rose's Turn," of course.  I cannot helped but be influenced by Ethel or Patti.  But, in the end it will be mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Now, which do you think was best?    Ethel's, or Patti's???????
I will tell you what, girls!  I will let you decide!  Feel free to tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     For me, darlings!   For ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

"The Song Goes! And The Kid, With It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                             "Director: Helen, Neely O'Hara can't hurt you!
                                              Helen Lawson:  You bet your sweet ass she can't!
                                                The only hit that comes out of a Helen Lawson
                                              show, is Helen Lawson, and that's ME, baby!"
                                                 --Susan Hayward as Helen Lawson, in
                                                       "Valley Of The Dolls" (1967)

                                     You're not kidding, dolls!  That Streisand thing might have been hot, fifty years ago, but it is time for her to hang it up, because it is MY turn now! That's right!

                                         Helen Lawson had a point, and so did Neely. Remember, during the tryout of Neely's show, "Tell Me, Darling!," she says, "Allison has got to go!  I won't have her ruining the show! She almost walked off with it, at dress rehearsal!" You better believe I agree with Neely, dolls; unfortunately, she has her drug decline, leading up to the great gutter scene, and when Allison is finally seen, ready to go on as understudy to Neely, she turns out to be a Streisand wannabe and lookalike!!!!!!!!!  How catty of the filmmakers, huh?????????  Not even Jackie Susann thought of that!

                                           But the thing is, you cannot let these amateurish upstarts upstage you, darlings!  We are the divas, we got to where we are before these creatures were amoebas---and maybe some of them should have stayed amoebas--and this turf belongs to us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Don't let anyone take yours away from you!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 You think they can have mine???????????????????

                                                 Nothing can destroy our talents, dolls!   Just make sure we don't destroy ourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Not a chance, with me! I will destroy someone else first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Listen, I Got Thirty Six Expressions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                               Ever since my blood was set boiling--but no high pressure!!!!!!!!!--yesterday, darlings, I have been clamouring to proclaim my fabulousness. And one way I can do is to perform "I'm The Greatest Star!" from "Funny Girl!"  I have before, on special occasions.  But it is high time I did in a more visible venue, whether that includes a cabaret or YouTube remains to be seen.

                                 So, what, if I have to look ugly in an over sized dress, because I am over aged, and supposed to be playing a stage struck teenager???????  So what if I have to have an Eddie Ryan standing by me, and feeding lines???????

                                  It doesn't matter. Because when Fanny gets to "Who is the pip with pizzazz?" in the song, she takes center stage, and from then on in, the number, and the rest of the show, is hers!!!!!!!!!!  Just like it will be, with me!  Look what it did for Streisand--fifty years ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Well, that was then, and this is now, and the time is ripe for a new Fanny, baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   So, look out, gorgeous, because here I am!

                                    Think I can't top this??????????  Just wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!