How About A Redux, Rather Than A Remake?????????????????????

                         Over the years, there has been talk of remaking "THEM!," which I think is a bad idea.  First, the movie has only grown in stature over time; financed by Warner Bros, it is better made than most films of its type, and boasts not only an Oscar winner (Edmund Gwenn) and a brilliant child performance (Sandy Descher) but more future film or TV stars than any so-called B film I can recall.

                           I actually think "THEM!" belongs in the "A" category for its cast, cinematography,
and, above average for its time, special effects.

                             Leave it alone.  Do not remake it.

                             But why not redo it?

                             Here's how it would work--the giant bug concept remains, but the setting now becomes, not New Mexico or Los Angeles, but New York City, particularly the Upper East Side.

                             Instead of a brilliant child, like Sandy Descher, there is a young, flamboyant queen, wandering the streets of Manhattan in the early hours, a look of trauma and uncertainty upon his face.  What is wrong?  Is Starbucks not open yet???????  Was he rejected from one of the fashion houses???????  Is an understudy replacing his favorite musical theater star?

                              These are, indeed, major traumas for a young gay man in New York City!  And when he is faced with the iconic scene, instead of screaming "THEM!,
he thinks he has seen a giant cockroach.

                                Because, yes, darlings, if one is going to do a redux of "THEM!" set in New York City, the insects in question must, inevitably be cockroaches.

                                Cut to a crowd scene.  People, to the tune of "Windy" on the soundtrack, are rushing to their self-important meetings, in a city. Suddenly, from off to the side, emerges a giant, human sized, cockroach, sporting a designer prop.  Slowly, inexorably, more cockroaches appear, with all sorts of designer gear, slowly evolving into complete outfits.  Soon, the screen is filled with people, mystified, walking along giant cockroaches, who are better dressed than they!  One is even sporting Helmut Lang, for God's sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 It is discovered that a colony of cockroaches has mutated from all the hair chemicals, used over at Sally Herhberger's on East 71st Street.  If they aren't stopped, the city will be overrun with fashionably dressed cockroaches, who will be hocking every item from the East Side fashion houses!!!!!!!!!!  Which is what they have been doing!  Clerks have been attacked in the name of a pair of designer shoes!!!!!!!!!!!

                                The cockroaches are out for empowerment.  They are sick of being regarded as the slugs of this city, scurrying for crumbs, so now they will dress elegantly, and make others scurry!
How can the city be saved?  Only one person can save the city--

                                   ANNA WINTOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  It is ANNA's idea to mount a huge billboard ad in Times Square, summoning the cockroaches to her office, for a supposed VOGUE cover shoot!  They may be roaches, but they cannot resist the lure  of fame.  The creatures, dressed in individual designer haute couture, are summoned into a room, against a nature backdrop, where they expect to be photographed.  Only, the doors slam on them, they are trapped, and, like a gas chamber, massive quantities of RAID are pumped into the venue.  You can hear their screams of "RAIIIIIIIIID!!!!!!!!!!!!"   ANNA is triumphant, having saved the city

                                   Of course, the movie ends on a twist.  The flamboyant queen seen at the beginning is now in line at the TKTS booth, sipping a Starbuck's.  He gets a ticket for what he thinks is his favorite musical, but when he gets to the theater designated, he sees what is playing there is---

                                      "Straight White Men!"

                                       The camera moves in for a closeup, as he screams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Isn't this all so brilliant, darlings?  Better than a remake.  And full of such New York touches!

                                         It would also give Julie Taymor some needed work.  I would have her design human sized cockroach costumes for each actor playing one, rather than use puppets, as was done, albeit to great skill, in the original "THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                          The premiere would have to be held at a fashion gala, at the Met.  With ANNA hosting, of course!

                                            And the Guest Of Honor would be Sandy Descher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!