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Friday, June 21, 2019

I Am So Glad Neither David Or I Paid To See This Piece Of Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                             Several years back, "Buyer And Cellar," a one-person play, starring Michael Urie, and written by Jonathan Tollins, that imagines a gay out of work actor working as a clerk within the basement of BARBRA's house, was the hottest ticket Off-Broadway.  Recently, it was aired on WNET, as part of their tribute to Pride Month, and I could not have been more insulted.

                              It had nothing to do with Michael Urie's performance, which was good as was allowed.  The problem rested with Jonathan Tollins writing it, and his forays into gay drama or comedy have been insulting to me as a gay man, and I am sure I am not the only one in the community, who feels that way.

                                Let's go back a bit.  Tollins wrote the Gay Pride play, "Last Sunday In June," which I never saw, but is still best known for "The Twilight Of The Golds," so let me remind you what that was about.

                                 On stage, it dealt with a family whose married daughter is expecting her first child.  In the universe Tollins has created--which still does not exist, thank God--it is not only possible to find out the child's gender, but also its sexual orientation.  The Golds have a son, David, who just happens to be gay.

                                  When it is found out that the daughter is carrying a gay son, havoc erupts.  David's parents confess to him that, had they known, they would not have had him.  How is that supposed to make one feel?  The daughter waffles back and forth so much, leaving her to abort so late in the term it takes away any future chances for her to have children.

                                       Does Tollins really care about gays here?  No, he wants David, after his pareents' revelation, to go back into the closet, while the daughter is given something of a comeuppance.  But nothing is resolved; this family is only torn further apart.

                                         When done as a film, in 1996, things were altered.  The daughter went on to have the child, but her husband walked out and divorced her, because he could not stand the idea of raising a gay son.  Outside of White Supremacist camps, I cannot imagine this American suburbia, even then.  This leads to the implication that the child will be jointly raised by his gay uncle, David, played by Brendan Fraser, who still looked good here, so not a bad model for a gay kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          But, really, all this fuss over orientation makes me think Tollins is some big closet case, himself!  So, shut up, and stop writing.  Be an insurance underwriter in Jersey or Connecticut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            I will say one thing for 'Twilight'--it moves, narratively speaking.

                                             "Buyer And" Cellar" is all over the place.  It starts with Urie half ass explaining what viewers are going to see, insisting he is not going to "do her," then goes on, throughout the plan to replicate visits by BARBRA, which are insulting to how the diva actually behaves.  The BARBRA Tollins paints is garrulous and ridiculous, and if I were she, I would have taken out an  injunction.  But I think BARBRA took the high road; she heard from folks what this was, and realized it would not go very far--and she was right.

                                                 All of this I blame on Tollins' writing. What is almost a 90 minute monologue seems like four hours.  I could hardly wait for this thing to end, and there was no definitive conclusion or resolution to the piece.  It was all about how much witless anecdotes and references could be sneaked in, that reference BARBRA!

                                                   Who cares?  Though, I admit, if the onstage dress that she sang "People" in, at Winter Garden, could have been shown, I would have gone hysterical, like any reverent, Gay Theatre Queen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      No artistry here, at all!  But one good thing came out of it--in trying to deconstruct BARBRA--which is what I believe Tollins was trying to do--he only has her looking like more of an icon than she did before.

                                                        Your fey, little, insulting joke, backfired, you bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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