Darlings, Sould I Become An Image Consultant?????????????????????????

                                     Really, girls, the idea has crossed my mind.

                                     Especially since I am now more than half-way through Lauren Weisberger's new book, "When Life Gives You Lululemons."  One of the main characters is Emily Charlton, from "The Devil Wears Prada," and immortalized by the brilliant Emily Blunt, in the movie.

                                      Emily is an Image Consultant, operating both in New York and L.A.  You could not pay me enough to go out there, unless it included a stay at the Chateau Marmont.  That is my asking price, for getting me out to L.A.

                                        It occurred to me, that, as The Raving Queen, I have been somewhat of an Image Consultant on here, for years.  I have invoked the divine name of ANNA, written abut Met Galas, Sally Hershberger, and the benefits of St. Ives products.  And all for free.

                                          Now, I am not going to charge anyone on here for my advice--I wouldn't DREAM of it--but it does occur to me, with Summer in swing, it might be helpful to review some tips.  So, let's go--

                               1.  No Matter How Crappy Your Closet, Always Own At Least ONE Designer Garment--Hons, I cannot tell you how much this will do for your self-esteem, let alone your social status.  I mean, one cannot live by crap alone, can one?????????????

                               2.  Guys--Always Go With The Italians--Whether Armani or Brioni, you cannot go wrong.  Especially with suits.

                                3. No Matter What Your Gender, Or What You Think It Might Be, A Killer Hairstyle Is Essential--Look at what it has done for Lauren Weisberger.  Half the reason she gets books published, is because of her hair.  Girls, or wannabe girls, go to Sally Hershberger--on East 71st Street!!!!!!!  Guys, if I were you, I would go to Prestige Salon, on East 96th, Le Frere, on the same street, and, if you should happen to be on the Upper West Side, Laura Braunstein, on West 84th.  Gentlemen, rest assured, when you emerge from one of these places, if you are gay, you will look simply FABULOUS, and if you happen to be straight, you will look so good, people will think you ARE gay.  Which, in New York City, is actually a compliment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 4. A Signature Fragrance Can Establish A Persona--Speaking of hygiene, I have never forgiven the demise of Caswell Massey on Lexington Avenue--their peach and lemon body wash made me the toast of Mayfair, back in the day, darlings!  This is a tough one to give advice on, but I will try.  Fragrances come and go, so my best bet is to stick with what has been around longest.  I recall how I used to love Bleu Marine, by Pierre Cardin, but then it just vanished, forever!!!!!!  My signature cologne, even though it is tough to find, is Safari For Men, by Ralph Lauren.  And there is always that old standby, Halston Z-14!  Being the prefumey type, I prefer those kinds of scents, but if you are seeking something masculine and musky, stick with the Italians!  Women have more options here!!!!!!!!!
                                5. Accessorize!!!!!!!!!!--I don't care if it's a hanky, scarf or jewelry, this is essential for looking one's best.  Women have the advantage again here--but I would tell everyone, if it is jewelry you are after, stick with Tiffany's, Harry Winston, and Van Cleef And Arpels.  I know they say "Every kiss begins with Kay," but that is bullshit!  I mean, if you live in a suburban sty, fine, but my darlings on here are beyond all that!  I know I am!  As for scarves, the girls pretty much know what to do, but I say, guys, if you feel like it, FLAME IT UP!!!!!!!!  Laura Ashley, the more colorful of Ralph Lauren's products--his pastels are spectacular!!!!!!!!--and Yves Saint Laurent will work just fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               6.  Make-Up--This is a tough one.  I struggle with it all the time.  Darlings, it takes me twenty minutes in the morning, each morning, to get my face on, before it is fit to be seen.  Add to that in the Summer, when I have to use sunscreen, because, with my magnolia white skin, if I don't, forget it!!!!!!!!!!  How would I face a camera, during a photo shoot?  As for finding a good foundation, blush, and concealer, I am all over the place!!!!!!!!!  I would say consult one of the staff at the hair salon you finally choose; they should have excellent cosmeticians there.  And look over Revlon and L'Oreal one day, while shopping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               7.  Hydrate--This is the easiest, darlings, but you have to watch out for these  phony faux drinks.  A simple glass of water, with a lemon twist, is all you need.  If on the go, I stay simple, with Polish Spring.  Some of their flavorings--especially Lemon and Orange--are tasteful, because the flavor is beautifully understated.  I would keep it simple here, and avoid the phoniness of Evian, Aquafina and Voss.  I mean, you can, if you want, but, no matter the name or how it is packaged, it is still just water, darlings.  Hydration is good for your physical health and skin. And if you are diabetic, as am I, it is ESSENTIAL, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 8. Exercise--I am a fine one to talk, because I am the most non-athletic person around.  So, when my doctor showed me my A1C had gone up more than I would like, he suggested walking--and I have been doing 30 minutes of power walking each morning.  Note the suggestion before this one--exercise is when you MUST have water on hand, or else you will not survive.  My walk includes sixty steps I go up and down, and a park, in which I do a "Sound Of Music," "Do-Re-Mi" routine.  I really wouldn't worry about designer athletic wear; it is just as phony as water, This is the one time where you can throw anything on, and not give a damn, because who is going to look at you, anyway??????????  This is where health wins out over appearance, (the good health will help you keep the appearance!) so feel free to look as crappy as possible.  It's your one time the pressure is NOT on you to shine! Oh, and carry water with you and DRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                9.  Dining--This is a hard one.  By all means, on birthdays and special occasions, splurge, but do not go hog wild.  As little wine as possible, because we don;'t want to spazz out, or go to AA, like Lillian Roth!!!!!!!!  A Pellegrino with a lemon twist can be as satisfying as a glass of wine.  And eat in moderation--maybe half of what you are given.  But don't be afraid to eat.  There is no need to go all Karen Carpenter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                10. Hosting--If you follow all the above, you will be ready to host your own soiree.  Make sure it is catered by the BEST--La Grenouille, Harry Cipriani, or Babbo.  And don't be afraid if they say NO--they really want your money, so if you insist, in a subtly bitchy way, they will damn well serve you!  As they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 So, those are my latest consultant tips.   Wouldn't I make a fabulous Image Consultant?  And here, you get it all, for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Any questions, comments?  Direct them here.

                                 One last thing. When you arrive at the Hosting part, send me your guest list.  One cannot have a successful evening, without inviting Princess Lee Radziwill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   As one Princess to another, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!